Through the Storm
by doolf4eva
Summary: Fourth Installment to Sorry Ever After. After three years of marriage, their son turning two and a year in their dream house, everything is looking up for the Rogers family. However, when the Sokovia Accords are introduced, it threatens to destroy everything they've built. Bethany must choose between her husband and nephew, knowing full well it will change everything. Steve/OC.
1. Home

****A/N: Hello everyone! If you are just clicking this story without reading the others, I'd like to direct you to my profile. There's three stories before this ( _Sorry Ever After, Wrong for the Right Reasons_ and _Broken Strings)_ and it's kinda crucial to read them. They're long, but don't let them scare you away!**

 **For everyone else, welcome back! I present the next of the story to you! Hopefully you all enjoy it! I've decided on a new naming convention for this story, which I think is unique :)**

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Chapter 1- Home

 **/ hōm/ noun. The place in which one's domestic affections are centered.**

* * *

 _Bethany reached up to scratch the back of her head. Her bun was too tight and had been left in too long. Personally, she hated wearing buns. They always reminded her of her mother. They made her feel old and strict, and while she_ was _technically old, she didn't look it. But she knew that the bun served a purpose that day. It was her duty to look professional, first with Peggy's funeral and now with the signing of the Accords. She needed to look calm and poised, serious. This was no laughing matter. There was no reason to smile. While the UN was happy about what was about to happen, Bethany wasn't all that sure that this would change much, if anything. Or maybe it would change everything, but that did not necessarily mean the change would be a positive one._

 _She felt as if all eyes were on her. But she knew for certain that it wasn't because of the bun, or even her mere presence. She was retired. She had no intentions of signing the Accords because it would force her to go out and fight or suffer the consequences when all she wanted to do was be at home with Jamie. Bethany was there because she felt that, like the bun, it was her duty. Taking responsibility of past actions and mistakes was something she had taken very seriously ever since Steve had gone under, and she felt that after New York, Washington, Sokovia and Lagos—even if she wasn't there for it—she needed to show the world that she was willing to fix those mistakes. This was the solution that governments from all around the world and millions of civilians wanted. Bethany had tried it her way. She couldn't deny them the chance to try it their way._

 _"Will you stop it?" She snapped quietly to a reporter standing by her. He looked caught off guard, obviously not realizing he was staring intently on her. All because he, just like everyone else in the room, was wondering why Steve wasn't there. Because despite the fact that they were getting the signatures of Iron Man, Black Widow, Iron Patriot and Vision, Captain America was a living legend. It was a shock and a disappointment to most to see that Steve, someone who was so morally driven, was refusing to sign the Accords. Bethany knew why. She understood and respected his decision. While she wished that Steve would have retired from his duties as Captain America for her and Jamie, and not because someone was forcing his hand, she was still excited for what their future would hold._

 _Scratching the back of her head again, she pushed her way through the crowds and into the washroom. The ceremony would be starting soon, so luckily, after looking under all the stalls, Bethany found the washroom empty. She let out a heavy sigh, leaning against one of the sinks to look at her reflection. She was paler than usual, but she chalked that up to circumstance. Other than that, she looked tired. Not happy, not sad. Not anything but tired. And it was true. It had been a rough couple of nights and a whirlwind of emotions. The vibration of her phone in her pocket took her away from her reflection._

 _"Hey babe," she answered with a soft smile when she answered._

"I just wanted to check up on you, Doll," _Steve greeted._ "Have they finished the ceremony yet?"  
 _"They haven't even started," Bethany revealed. "Some politicians were late. Any minute now though."_

"Has anyone said anything to you? Or hounded you?"

 _"Some stares, but besides the vultures outside, no one has said a word to me, to be honest. I think they're all afraid I'll throw them through a wall or something."_

 _Steve's laugh made her smile, feeling warmth fill her body._ "I'd be sorry to miss that. Beth, I'm sorry I couldn't come with you."

 _"You showing up and not signing would make Tony livid," Bethany pointed out to him. "I'm fine here. Although I am sorry I had to leave Peggy's wake. I just felt like I had to be here so that people would understand… I don't know. I don't even understand, I just felt like I had to be here."_

"There's no need to explain it to me," _Steve promised her._

 _"How's my little boy holding up?" Bethany asked, just wanting to be with Steve and Jamie right now._

"He fell asleep in my arms while Sharon and I were having a drink. He's still fast asleep now," _Steve informed her._

 _"You still at the wake?"_

"Yeah. I'm going to walk Sharon back to her hotel after she settles some final details here."

 _"And then home," Bethany finished with a fond smile before smiling. "Are you sure that staying at the house when it's so close to the Avengers' Facility isn't going to tempt you?"_

"Beth, we've made that place our home and I'm not taking it away from you. We haven't even lived there a year yet," _Steve reminded her._

 _"I know, I'm just worried. And we can make a home anywhere Steve," she insisted._

"I'll let you know if the temptation overwhelms me," _he promised._

 _"Bethany, there you are," Natasha said, poking her head into the washroom. "They're about to start."_

 _"Okay, thanks. I'll be right there," she replied, watching as Natasha slipped back out. "Okay babe, they're about to start. I'll call you on my way home, okay? Love you."_

 _She hung up when he repeated her sentiment and took one last look in the mirror. Taking in a deep breath, she reminded herself to not only look strong but to_ be _strong. She had a role to play. She needed her strength, her wits and her sanity in order to get through this, especially if people continued to look at her and wonder where Steve was._

 _In reality, she was proud of him, all things considered. He never failed to stand up for what he believed in, but ironically, this time it meant sitting down. It was a huge step for him, one that Bethany had to appreciate fully. But what she was really worried about was something else worth standing up for coming along and Steve ignoring the fact that he couldn't very well do anything unless he signed the Accords, and even then, the UN may tell him to stand down._

 _When Bethany walked back into the room where they were holding the signing and the ceremony, it had already started. She quickly and quietly tip toed, taking the vacant seat beside Natasha, and paying attention to King T'Chaka._

 _"When stolen Wakandan vibranium was used to make a terrible weapon, we, in Wakanda, were forced to question our legacy," he explained to the crowd. "Those men and women killed in Nigeria, were a part of a Goodwill mission from a country too long in the shuttles. We will not, however, let misfortune drive us back. We will fight to improve the world we wish to join."_

 _Bethany couldn't help but smile softly. King T'Chaka had a knack for making speeches, evidentially. He was filling her with all this hope about a better future, and she wasn't even from Wakanda. She could only imagine how proud his people were of their King and his recent actions. "I am grateful to the Avengers for supporting this initiative. Wakanda is proud to extend its hand in peace."_

 _Bethany was so enthralled by T'Chaka's speech that she was completely caught off guard when the King's son, T'Challa yelled "EVERYBODY GET DOWN!"_

 _Bethany could barely follow his instructions before an explosion raked through the building, glass, debris and people flying every which way. Losing her balance, she toppled over, hitting her head hard on the corner of one of the tables before darkness flooded over her._

* * *

 **PART ONE: UNITED WE STAND**

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Steve shifted his duffel bag back onto his shoulder as he walked from the Facility to the house. He had just arrived back from a four-day conference that he and Natasha had been summoned to. He wasn't quite sure why they were asked to attend and really how important the conference had been, but they went anyways. In Steve's opinion, it was a waste of time. They had reviewed their past missions, both with SHIELD and the Avengers, but other than that, Steve and Natasha had been sitting there, feeling like children who were called to the Principal's Office. They hadn't been reprimanded much and Steve was wondering what the end goal of all of this was, but he was just happy to be back home. He had spoken to Bethany and Jamie multiple times a day, but just seeing their faces and hearing their voices made him want to hold them even more.

As he got closer to the house, he couldn't help but smile. The leaves had all fallen from the trees and while there was no snow on the ground yet, he knew it would fall down upon them soon enough. He was excited to play in the snow with Jamie, teach him how to skate and make snow angels. Jamie's second Christmas was just around the corner and Steve was filled with some anxiety. It felt like every time he got a handle on how to deal with certain things, Jamie would grow out of them and he would have to learn all over again. The boy was growing like a weed. Before Steve would know it, Jamie would be starting school and it would be all new territory all over again.

Steve laughed as he saw Bethany run out from the house towards him, feet bare and wearing a t-shirt in the brisk weather. He dropped his duffle when she got close enough, lifting her up in his arms and holding her close. Her legs wrapped around his waist and they clung tightly onto each other. "Hi Doll Face," he whispered into her ear, tightening his grip on her. "I'm home."

"I missed you," she told him, leaning back a little so she could see his face.

"I was only gone four days," he reminded her, but knowing that he missed her just as much.

"I couldn't help it, I kept looking at things, or thinking of things and just immediately wanting to share them with you and I couldn't," Bethany explained. "Now kiss me, please."

Steve chuckled before complying, tasting vanilla on her lips. Bethany's hand moved towards the nape of his neck, playing with the soft wisps of hair there, something Steve secretly loved. It was something so very simple, but always made him feel so loved.

"Where's Jamie?" Steve asked when they pulled apart, kissing her nose softly.

"Making Christmas cookies with Wanda," Bethany replied. "I wanted a moment alone with you before he refused to leave you alone."

"We'll be alone tonight," Steve reminded Bethany with a soft smile.

She bit her lip softly but shook her head. "He's been crawling into bed with me less than ten minutes after I put him to bed. I want to start putting my foot down, but I can't."

"You want me to?" Steve asked lightly, knowing that she was right. Jamie could sleep with them if he had a nightmare, but it wouldn't be good to encourage him sleeping in their bed every night. And it wasn't just because of sex. They could easily figure out a way around that. It had everything to do with his development.

"I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine-"

"No, I will," Steve assured her. "I'll just keep bringing him back to bed whenever he comes unnecessarily. It's not like I need as much sleep as you."

"You're my hero," she smiled to him. "How did the conference go? You didn't really say much about it before."

Steve let out an exasperated sigh. "Later. Let's talk about it later. I just want to go see my boy and eat some Christmas cookies." Bethany giggled, beginning to unwrap her legs, but Steve held them in place. "No no, I've got you."

"Oh, do you?" Bethany teased. Steve reached down for his duffle, securing it on his shoulder before walking towards the house. "I know you just got back, but some of the moms from Mommy and Me want to get together for lunch tomorrow, with the kids. I don't mind sitting out if you-"

"I'm sure I'll survive not eating lunch with you two tomorrow. I'll just eat at the Facility. I'm glad that they're inviting you and Jamie out. Must make you feel normal," he finished with a smirk, knowing that Bethany craved a dose of normality in their crazy life.

"I'm excited," Bethany admitted as they walked through the door to the house. "Hey Munchkin. Someone is here to see you!"

She hopped down from Steve's body, closing the door behind her husband as they could hear Wanda prompting him on. "Who is it Jamie? Is it your Daddy?"

"Daa-dee?" Jamie asked before they could hear his footsteps padding against the floor. "Daa-dee!" He cheered when he saw his dad standing in the front hall. He ran towards him and Steve scooped him into his arms holding him tight and kissing his cheek.

"Hi Little Man. Did you miss me? I missed you," Steve told him, giving him one more kiss before opening up one arm and bringing Bethany into their circle. "I missed you both."

The oven began to beep, Bethany slipping from Steve's arms to take the cookies out of the oven. After taking his jacket and shoes off, he followed Bethany into the kitchen, dropping his duffel bag by the stairs. "Hi Steve," Wanda greeted him from the kitchen table, decorating a cookie as elegantly as she possibly could.

"Hey Wanda. Smells good in here," he commended. He placed Jamie on the kitchen floor, moving to where Bethany was looking at the cookies. "They look amazing too."

"We went a little overboard," Bethany admitted, gesturing to the counter where heaps of cookies were cooling or already in Tupperware. "But we figured that we could leave some all around the Facility."

"Or I can just eat them all," Steve replied, picking up a shortbread cookie and popping it into his mouth.

"Oh, I'd pay to see that," Bethany said with a wink. Steve pulled her into his arms again, kissing the top of her head.

"No Mumma!" Jamie screeched, running over and giving her leg a firm push before taking a death grip onto Steve's leg. "Mine Daa-dee!"

"Oh really?" Bethany challenged, looking down at her son.

"You _don't_ push," Steve reprimanded, but unwrapped Bethany from his arms and picked Jamie back up. The toddler immediately gripped tightly onto Steve's shirt, clearly not willing to share his dad just quite yet.

"I told you," Bethany reminded Steve, touching his arm softly before brushing past him to go help Wanda.

 _Yes, you did_ , Steve thought, looking to Jamie. _What a little troublemaker you're turning out to be._

* * *

Bethany sat in bed, one of her hands covering her mouth, watching as Steve continually brought Jamie back to his own room. Their bedroom light was off, but the television was giving off some colourful light. Bethany couldn't help but chuckle lightly, watching this little exchange. She knew Steve didn't find it as hilarious as she did, but she couldn't help it. Jamie thought that it was a game and would crawl out of his bed and follow Steve back to his parents' room with a smile.

Finally, Steve had enough and had closed Jamie's door and held it shut. Bethany felt her heartbreak a little when she could hear Jamie saying "Daa-dee? Daa-dee?" and a long silence before "Mumma?"

"Oh for the love of God, Steve, let him sleep with us tonight. We'll try again tomorrow," Bethany said exasperatedly. When Steve still didn't move, Bethany spoke with more authority. "Steve, I mean it. I'm not letting him go to bed thinking we've abandoned him when we know it's his biggest fear."

She could see Steve's shoulders fall a little when he realized she was right. He opened the door and Jamie immediately rushed out, clinging onto Steve's leg. "Oh, Munchkin, come over here," Bethany prompted, Jamie following his mother's instructions. "I'm so sorry love," Bethany promised, collecting Jamie in her arms and kissing his temple.

Steve crawled back into bed as Bethany put Jamie in between them, rubbing his back soothingly. "Tomorrow, we'll stay in his room until he falls asleep," Bethany whispered to Steve. "Can we talk about the conference now? I know you think it was boring and useless, but I'm still curious."

Steve sighed, leaning against the headboard. "We reviewed a bunch of missions Natasha and I did at SHIELD and as the Avengers. None of the confidential ones. Basically just the ones made public."

"That was it? They needed four days to do that?" Bethany asked with a frown. "That seems excessive."

"Well, not exactly," Steve replied with a sigh. "The American government leaders… they haven't approved the latest contacting CHRIS sent them because technically she doesn't have a law degree and doesn't think that we should let a self-made computer program have so much control and access after the Ultron fiasco."

"I guess they have a fair point," Bethany allowed. "I'd probably feel the same way if I was in their position. Hell, even if I hadn't created the system myself."

"Yeah, but they want to shut her down," Steve continued. "That's the issue. They really think she'll go down the same path as Ultron and they want to end it before it's too late."

Bethany let out a dry laugh. "If they ever met CHRIS, they'd know that's not going to happen. She doesn't have a violent thought. She's all logic. And doesn't have the ability to transfer herself through the internet, I made sure of that. And I check up on her system once a week to make sure that everything is still safe. And if they're concerned about CHRIS, surely they're concerned about Vision too, right?"

It took Steve a few seconds to find the right words. "They're concerned, you're right. They didn't say much, but I know that they're concerned about Wanda too. I don't know. They're up to something."

"It's the government, Steve. It'll take them a long time to do anything, so we have time," Bethany pointed out.

"I'm just worried about you," Steve admitted.

Bethany frowned again before raising an eyebrow. "Why? Do I concern them? Do they want DNA or blood samples or something?"

"No, because of CHRIS. I know that while she's there, at the Facility, you worry a lot less and can just enjoy life," Steve explained.

"That's sweet," Bethany whispered with a soft smile. "It's because CHRIS has my thought process when it comes to everything. With just a little less emotion to guide her along the way. So far, everything she's done has had no issues. They won't get their hands on her. The government owns a lot, but CHRIS is not one of them."

"According to them, they own everything inside the Facility. All the computers, weapons, pieces of paper. Everything. Even us," Steve reminded her.

"It's just a scare tactic," Bethany disagreed, rolling her eyes. "They don't own everything. They barely own anything at all. All that they can really claim to own is the SSR documents and tech, and anything they've personally funded or supplied towards us. I don't think they have the rights to the SHIELD stuff. Or the Stark Industries things."

"Unless Tony signs them the rights," Steve supplied.

"That doesn't sound like something he would do," Bethany pointed out. "You worry too much. That's my job, remember?" She teased.

"Will you have time to stop in at the Facility after your Mommy and Me lunch? You don't have to, but Natasha wants to go over some things with you, on the record. It's completely up to you whether or not it's tomorrow though."

"I know that," Bethany assured, winking to him. "Steve, I created CHRIS so that I wasn't putting Jamie or you on the backburner. Not so that I could retire forever. I don't mind popping in when I'm needed. These people are my friends. My family. I'm not going to let them stress and fret when I have the answers they need."

"They don't want you to stress or fret either, you know."

Bethany smiled, leaning over to him. "I know," she whispered before kissing him lightly. She looked down at Jamie, seeing his little body rise and fall rhythmically, his lips cracked open slightly. "He's asleep," she whispered.

"Should I put him back in his bed?" Steve asked, personally wanting some alone time with her.

"I'm afraid you'll wake him," Bethany disagreed.

"I'll be careful," Steve promised, an excited smile on his face, even though Bethany had disagreed.

"Stev-" Bethany started before sighing as Steve began to pick Jamie up. "Be careful."

She was annoyed that he had ignored her previous statement but knew it wasn't worth making a fuss about it right now. She knew that he wanted to have sex. She had packed a polaroid photo of herself in his luggage where she was naked and he expressed his love for her when he saw it. Bethany knew that he was probably alarmed when he first saw it, blushing a little and then laughing as it all sunk in. She wanted to have that in case he missed her… or maybe it was because she wanted to give him an extra reason to miss her. She wasn't quite sure which one it was, but Bethany didn't care. He came back into the room excitedly, closing and locking the door, smiling at her as he came back to the bed, hovering over her body before giving her a soul-crushing kiss.

* * *

Bethany smiled when she read her latest text message from Steve. Since she and Jamie were out for lunch, she had packed Steve some leftovers and left him a little note inside, which Jamie had doodled on with a blue pencil crayon. She knew he would appreciate the gesture but it still made her feel good to get acknowledgement from it. Putting her phone back down, she turned back to the conversation at hand with the other mothers. Jamie was sitting on her lap, as the other children were doing on their mother's laps, eating some fruit and bread.

"I think he's being ridiculous," Tiffany, a mother of three with an incredibly thick southern accent said. She always made her opinion known, and while Bethany didn't tend to disagree with her, she always had to hold back her chuckles at how passionate she got over nothing. "Either we buy the damn sofa, or we don't. It's not rocket science. He always gets like this around the holidays, as if we aren't allowed to buy ourselves anything at all. I know it's a time for giving, but the good Lord would agree that we need a new sofa."

"Some people get spending guilt," Bethany replied. "If you wait a month, he'll probably be fine. Or you can just bite the bullet and buy the damn sofa."

As the other mothers chuckled, Chary, a woman with the biggest afro Bethany had _ever_ seen spoke up. "Would you just bite the bullet, Bethany?"

"If I wanted the sofa, I would," Bethany shrugged. "Steve picks and chooses his battles when it comes to spending excess money, and he knows by now that if it's something I want, I'm going to get it no matter what he says. Plus, it's not like I buy myself designer handbags every few days. I barely buy them at all."

"I wish Kevin was like that," Marie replied wistfully. "Ever since Yale was born, he's put me on the strictest budget just because he's the breadwinner. I can't wait to go back to work, merely so that I can have a say in whether or not I deserve a new purse."

"If he doesn't think you deserve a new purse, honey, he's a damn fool," Tiffany responded. "I mean, damn, I do more things as a mother than I ever did behind a desk. Men are fools when they come home from work, humming and hawing, thinking that their day was long and tiring. Meanwhile, I did all the laundry for the messy little brats with a child attached to my boob and a dog following my every move. He just sat at his desk reading e-mails."

"Trust me, men have come a _long_ way," Bethany assured them. "I'm not sure why they think they're entitled to complain when we do the majority of the work, but they do."

"I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be married in those days," Chary added, shaking her head. "Ugh, 'age of gentlemen'. Well of course they paid for everything, we weren't allowed to have jobs."

"Thank the Lord some ladies decided to burn their bras," Tiffany agreed, making all the ladies chuckle again.

"Couldn't have been all that bad though," Samantha, widowed-mother of two, said. "You married someone from that time."

"True," Bethany nodded. "But Steve is as much of a rarity these days as he was then, unfortunately. His mother raised him well, that's for sure."

"I keep telling Frank that it's important to be a gentleman every second of the day, except in the sheets, cause that's too conservative for my liking," Tiffany told the ladies. "Of course, he's a buffoon and sometimes gets them mixed up. I'll tell you one thing, a vibrator is the best invention to ever be graced upon this Earth. Even better than hot sauce, and y'all know how I like my hot sauce."

Bethany couldn't hold her laughter back. "And by some strange co-incidence, it was actually invented by a man. Which means they weren't all that bad, now were there?" She teased the group.

"You can have the best sex in the world, and a vibrator would still make it better," Tiffany stated firmly. "Although my husband wasn't pumped up with a bunch of chemicals to make him look like he was photoshopped to perfection, so I could be wrong."

Bethany could feel her face start to warm up a bit. The women liked to tease her about Steve whenever they could, but it was all in good fun. Bethany was always careful about what she said, knowing that it would humiliate Steve and could very easily find it's way to a tabloid or something similar. "You could be, but you'll never know," Bethany teased, winking toward Tiffany.

"Well, as long as you don't tell Frank, I'll dream," Tiffany replied.

"The internet sure likes to imagine though," A redhead mother of one, Sabrina, began. All the girls looked towards her with curious and bug-eyed looks. Bethany's heart increased, not entirely sure if she wanted to know. Sabrina, realizing what she was implying, took a step back. "Listen, that man is the horniest creature on this planet and I'm too tired to get down and dirty, so he watches a lot of porn. Whatever, it's better than him cheating on me. Anyways, he says he gets a good laugh out of the parodies, and it's true since I hear him laughing at the dialogue all the time. Apparently there are a lot of you and Steve. And the rest of the Avengers."

All the women looked back at Bethany who couldn't say anything for a minute. "That makes me sick a little bit. It's not like it's some fictional movie, it's my _life_. My _private_ life."

"I hear you," Sabrina agreed. "I told him it's off limits. He knew I was serious, and he'll listen. I know he will."

"That is nasty. You could probably sue," Tiffany pointed out.

"To do that would mean me having to tell Steve and I would rather avoid that, if at all possible," Bethany said truthfully.

"But imagine how awkward it'll be for poor Jamie in the future. Just because he won't look at it, doesn't me his friends will," Chary added.

Bethany looked down at Jamie, who was still innocently eating his fruit. Sensing his mother's gaze, he looked up at her, his big, blue eyes filled with so much innocence. Bethany sighed, leaning down to kiss Jamie's forehead.

 _Well shit,_ she thought to herself. _Well shit, indeed._

* * *

 ****A/N: I didn't want to jump right into the Civil War drama ;) Gotta have some before. Not too much though, I promise!**

 **REMEMBER TO CLICK THAT FOLLOW BUTTON!**


	2. Sorrow

****A/N: I can guarentee that there will not be an update next week. I've been battling a head cold, turned into a chest cold for five days now and I just basically lie around knitting and sleeping all day like an old person.**

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Chapter 2- Sorrow

 **/ˈsärō,ˈsôrō/. noun. a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.**

* * *

When Bethany pulled up to the Facility, Jamie was sound asleep. What she really wanted to do was bring him home to let him sleep soundly in his bed, but she knew she had a few things to take care of at the Facility. Opening up the diaper bag, she took out the small blanket and used it to cover Jamie's body in the car seat before disconnecting it from the seat. They never really carried him around in it, but she didn't want to jostle him anymore than necessary. As soon as she stepped into the Facility, the hologram image of CHRIS appeared in front of her.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Rogers. Is there anything I can do for you today?" The image asked her politely.

"Do you know where Steve is?" Bethany asked, shifting the baby carrier in her grip.

"Captain Rogers and the rest of the Avengers are in their flat," CHRIS replied. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Uhh," Bethany began, looking around to make sure they had accurate privacy. "Can you compile a list, and keep it updated of any services, websites or devices that contain… Uhh… inappropriate images or videos of Steve, I and the entire team… Or our likeness, names and costumes at least. Then give them to me and I'll deal with them. Do you understand what I'm referring to?"

"We have the same thought pattern, Mrs. Rogers, I certainly do. I will get to work on that right now," she promised.

"Thanks CHRIS," Bethany breathed before the holographic image flickered out. Bethany let out a deep breath before starting up towards the living quarters.

"Bethany!" She heard Jen calling her. Bethany turned to face her with a smile. "Long time, no see!"

Bethany offered her a one-armed hug. "Since before Thanksgiving, right? Yes, because I never asked you how Thanksgiving dinner with Javan's family was."

"All together pretty well. We stayed there for a week after that. I got to know her and her family a little more. I probably should have explained to Theo that Javan and I are dating before we went though, since people keep asking him how he felt about his Mommy dating a woman," Jen explained.

"Yeah, I can see how that would confuse him," Bethany admitted.

Jen shrugged, looking down at Jamie's sleeping face and smiling. "He's okay with the concept, he just was very confused. He does like Javan though, so that's good."

"Well, I'm happy for you," Bethany replied honestly. "Sounds like everything is going uphill."

"We're even going back for Christmas. Theo is pretty excited since Javan has a nephew that's his age."

"That's great, Jen," Bethany smiled. "Come over for dinner sometime this week, okay? Bring Theo and Javan."

"Sounds like a plan," Jen nodded before giving her one last smile and leaving. Bethany checked to make sure Jamie was still sleeping soundly before she continued up towards the living quarters. When she entered the apartment, Wanda looked up at her and gave her a soft smile. She was working at the kitchen island, presumably on homework, but the rest of the room was quiet.

Bethany walked over, looking at what Wanda was working on. She was practicing her basic math problems so that she could ideally get her GED soon. "You forgot to carry the two," Bethany reminded Wanda, touching the girl's hair softly as a mother would to her daughter.

"Oh," Wanda replied, realizing that Bethany was right. "Thank you. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong."

"That's what I'm here for," Bethany smiled at her. "Where's Steve?"

"In his office," Wanda replied. "Sam is in his room, but I don't know where everyone else is."

"Are you coming over for dinner tonight?"  
"Am I invited?" Wanda asked, smiling slowly.

"You're always invited," Bethany promised. "I'm making fajitas."

"I'll be there," Wanda nodded before Bethany headed towards Steve's office.

He was hunched over a file folder, which was a very typical thing for Steve to do. Old habits die hard, and he much preferred to read something on a piece of paper than on the computer screen. Catching her out of the corner of his eye, he looked up with a smile. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Bethany said honestly. Steve stood up, clearing some space on his desk so that Bethany could place Jamie's portable car seat carrier down upon it.

"The entire team had things that they had to do," Steve began, leaning to kiss Bethany softly. "So we decided to take a day away from training. I see someone had a busy day," Steve chuckled, touching Jamie's foot softly.

"He waited until we got into the car," Bethany said with a shrug before looking around Steve's office. She hadn't been there since he decorated. He had random sketches and photos around the room, the majority of them being of her and Jamie. Right next to his monitor, he had a picture of her right after she had given birth. Her face was swollen, red and sweaty but she had a huge smile splitting her face. In her arms was a bundled up Jamie. You could barely see any of his skin. Next to her sat Steve, one arm around her, the other around Jamie, looking like he had just been shown the wonders of the world.

"It's nice in here," Bethany approved. "Why didn't you set this place up at home?"

"Because I didn't want to bring work home with me if I didn't have to," Steve explained, sitting back in his chair, pulling Bethany down with him. "I'd rather leave it here."

"I appreciate that," Bethany said softly. "Thank you."

"Of course," he replied in a whisper, leaning his forehead against hers. "Natasha isn't here, by the way. She just left. She didn't say why, but said she'd talk to you tomorrow about her question. Which I still don't know what it is, by the way."

"Okay, well I didn't just come for her," Bethany began, but Sam walked up to Steve's office.

"Sorry to interrupt," Sam said honestly, but with some urgency in his voice. "Steve, can I see you for a moment?"

"Yeah, of course," Steve replied, Bethany getting off his lap to let him follow his friend out. Bethany sat in the chair, swivelling from side to side lightly before the file folder in front of her caught her eye. She leaned in carefully, reading the label. BARNES, JAMES BUCHANAN SGT.

Pulling the file from the desk, she opened it on her lap, looking at the pages of information within the file. Some of the pages Bethany recognized from SSR, SHIELD and HYDRA files, but there were some newer pages of possible sightings, and even mission reports that the Avengers ran specifically with the intentions of catching Bucky. All of this was new information to Bethany. She knew that Steve wanted to find him and had been keeping tabs on possible sightings, but she didn't know that he was truly, actively trying to find him and was getting the rest of the team to help him. The latest mission was only a week ago.

Bethany sat there, reading as much as she could before Steve came back. She was a little hurt that he had kept this information from her. Was she that cruel and evil that Steve couldn't confide in her that he was searching for his best friend? Had her past attempt to keep Steve away from Bucky—at Bucky's request that is—made Steve believe that he couldn't trust her with this information? That she would do it again? She knew that if she hadn't done anything in the first place, there was a chance that Steve may have already found _and_ helped his friend, but that was only speculation.

"Sorry about that," Steve said as he came back in. Bethany looked up at him, the look in her eyes making him take half a step back. She was _fuming_. "What's wrong?"  
Bethany closed the file, showing him the cover. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Steve sighed, his shoulders falling in a slight defeat. "I didn't want you to worry about it."

"Bullshit," Bethany disagreed. "I don't believe that for one second. Tell me the truth, Rogers."

Steve took the folder from her, looking at it intently, as if the answer to her question was written on it. "I don't know," he finally admitted with a sigh.

"Is it because I kept him from you before?" Bethany asked, her hurt clear in her voice.

"That's part of it, I guess," Steve allowed. "But I didn't do it to hurt you. I guess I felt like if I told you, you'd try to convince me not to. That if he wanted to be found, he would make it easier."

"Well, that's true," Bethany defended herself. "But he attacked me Steve… remember that? I know it wasn't him, but if the Winter Solider can just emerge from within him, he's dangerous out there. We're lucky it was me. It might not be next time. But I know you want to find him because he's your friend."

"You think I'm comfortable knowing that a dangerous assassin walks the streets?"

"You take more interest in him than the others," Bethany reasoned, gesturing to the other file folders on his desk, all of which were considerably smaller. "I'm not judging; I'm just trying to understand why you didn't tell me. I would have helped you."

"I don't want you to," Steve admitted slowly. Bethany leaned back in the chair, her face showing just how hurt she was by his statement. "Doll Face, I want you not to worry any more than you already do, to be at home and not thinking about work whenever you can. I don't want to drag you back into this."

"But it's Bucky, Steve," Bethany reminded him. "He's your best friend and our son's namesake. And you not wanting to tell me or let me help you makes me feel like you don't trust me."

Steve sighed before dropping the file folder on the desk and leaning by Bethany's feet. "I trust you," he told her passionately, taking her hands in his. "I just… had a lapse of judgment."

Bethany kept him waiting for a few seconds before smiling at him. "Well, it's not like that's never happened to me or anything," she teased.

Steve chuckled, bending his head down to kiss her hands. "I won't keep it from you from now on, okay?"

"I trust you," Bethany teased him again, flashing him a quick wink.

"I'm done here, if you want to go home," Steve suggested. Bethany was silent for a moment before nodding slowly. She knew that she still had one more thing to talk to him about, but talking to him about it at home would be much easier.

* * *

When they got back to the house, they first went to place Jamie in his bed. He stirred softly, but Bethany's voice carefully lulled him back to sleep. Bethany wanted to ensure that it was just her and Steve. She wanted no interruptions. She needed his full attention, and truthfully, she didn't want any distractions to take away her courage.

"Let's go downstairs," Bethany whispered to Steve, intertwining her hand with his. She pulled him down the stairs, but when they arrived in the kitchen, Steve wrapped his arms around her waist and lowered his head to her collarbone, laying a soft, tickling kiss to her sweet spot

She bit her lip, closing her eyes and letting the pleasure travel through her, but she quickly remembered that she couldn't get distracted. "No, no, no," She quickly said before twisting out of his arms and putting a fair distance between the two of them.

"Wh-what?" Steve asked, completely frazzled. "What did I do wrong?"

Her shoulders fell a little, deflated that he felt like he was in the wrong. "Oh, babe. Nothing. You did nothing wrong."

It took Steve a moment before a slight frown took over his face. "What did you do wrong? Beth? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Bethany defended herself. "We did nothing wrong, but… I'm going to tell you something that you're not going to like."

"And… neither of us did anything wrong?" Steve asked, clearly confused. Bethany stepped forward, taking his hands in hers and sitting in a kitchen table chair. Steve followed her actions, waiting patiently for her to begin.

"There's… Okay, some of the mothers today told me that there's… well, there're some things on the internet of us- well, not us. People pretending to be us, and the rest of the team, doing some… well, not so innocent things."

Steve's frown deepened. "Like saying bad things? Doing bad things?"  
"N-Well, yeah. Bad things, I guess. Umm… doing private things," Bethany explained, not wanting to come right out and say it, but knowing by the look on Steve's face, she'd have to. "Porn, babe. It's role-play Avengers porn."

"Oh," Steve said, his entire face and ears turning bright pink. He leaned back in his chair, his hands slipping from Bethany's.

"Listen, I'm getting CHRIS to compile a list of every device, every website any of it is on. Since she can't travel through the internet, I'll have to go in myself and erase all the existing content, and find out if there's a way we can file a lawsuit so it doesn't happen again. Steve?"

"Hmm?" Steve asked, having zoned out.

"I'm taking care of it," Bethany told him softly. "Okay, don't worry about it? It's not like it's actually us. People know that it's not us. Maybe people who look like us and dress in our uniforms, but not actually us, okay?"  
He nodded softly, but Bethany could barely see it. "I'm uh… I'm going to go for a run."

"Steve," Bethany sighed when he stood up. She knew very well that he went on runs when he needed to clear his head or when he needed an escape. "Please don't. Stay, let's talk about this."

"No, Beth…" He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I just need some air."

Bethany said nothing as she watched him leave through the backyard. Setting her elbows on the kitchen table, Bethany placed her head in her hands, gripping at her roots. She knew he wouldn't react well. There was a lot that Bethany was able to modernize Steve with, but he was firmly against porn. A naked picture of his wife was one thing, but watching people in intimate moments was another. Even if they wanted other people to watch it, Steve believed it should be private. Bethany honestly didn't care that much, but she knew that the private intimacy meant a lot to Steve, and therefore, it did to her as well.

She sat there for minutes on end until a hurried knocking sounded at her door. Pulling herself out of her pity, she answered the door, a frantic Kiley rushing inside. "Come in," Bethany said sarcastically as Kiley was already taking off her shoes.

"Sam asked me out," Kiley explained, leaning against the closet.

Bethany slowly closed the door, a shocked look on her face. "And what did you say?"  
Kiley's slightly parted mouth snapped shut, her eyes widening a little. "Nothing. I came straight here. Shit."

Bethany couldn't help but laugh. "Come on in," Bethany encouraged her, leading her to the kitchen table. "You just ran away?"

"Yes..?"

"I can only imagine what Sam's thinking about right now," Bethany chuckled. "What went through your mind?"

"That I needed to talk to you," Kiley admitted. "Probably not what should have gone through my head. I panicked."

"Well, do you like his company?" Bethany prodded.

"Of course," Kiley nodded. "But I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with him."

"Because of Bucky?" Bethany asked carefully.

Kiley was silent, which prompted Bethany to get up and make some tea. They said nothing as Bethany went about the kitchen. When the tea was ready, Bethany placed their mugs on the table and sat in front of Kiley. "It's okay if it is," Bethany promised. "You're allowed to still have feelings for him. Negative. Positive. Sam's a really great guy. If you tell him 'no' and tell him why, he'll understand. And will make sure that nothing changes between the two of you."

"I know," Kiley nodded, giving her a weary smile. "He really is great. And that's why I feel like I should say 'yes'. He's good for me. He's always so happy and positive. Even after I have a nightmare, he knows what to do to make me feel better. And he calls me 'Kiles'. I don't know why I like it when he calls me that, but I do."

"Then say 'yes'," Bethany reasoned. "You deserve to be happy. But tell him you need to take it slow. Or fast. Or however you feel you need to go. Okay?"

"Okay," Kiley nodded.

Bethany took her phone out of her back pocket, sliding it across the table towards Kiley. "And maybe you should call him."

"Yeah," Kiley chuckled, taking a sip of her tea before taking Bethany's phone and slipping outside to call Sam. Bethany took her mug in both hands, bringing it to her lips and blowing off the steam while smiling, happy that at least someone's love life was on track.

* * *

At first, Bethany wasn't sure if Steve was doing it on purpose or not, but he hadn't touched her since she told him. Whether it was intentional or not, it was very hurtful for her. She hadn't really noticed it until they went to bed that night. Bethany, as per usual, had curled up to Steve's side, but he had made no effort to curl up to her, or even wrap her closer to him like he usually did. It was like cuddling with a textbook, that's how stiff his entire body was. And when Jamie came into their room, begging to be let into the bed, Steve almost seemed grateful, placing the boy in between him and Bethany. Bethany didn't want to say anything, hoping that it wasn't intentional at all, and not willing to chance a fight if that was the case. Jamie had curled up to his mom, cuddling with her, which definitely helped her feel better.

But the next day, it continued. Steve went through his normal morning routine, bringing Bethany up a coffee mug and placing Jamie on their bed so he could go to work, but he didn't kiss her. It felt like a slap to the face. She had done nothing wrong and yet she was suffering the consequences. She immediately got out of bed to get ready, knowing that she needed to start working on the list CHRIS was compiling as soon as possible, hoping to end this frustrating issue.

She had spent the majority of the morning working on it, while having to entertain Jamie at the same time. There was only so long that he could be entertained while drawing or watching television. Finally, at noon, Bethany closed her laptop and packed her and Jamie a simple lunch. Bundling him up, she took his hand and the two of them ventured out towards the Facility. There was no snow on the ground yet, but they were expecting the first real snowfall to happen any day. Typically, Bethany was okay with a Christmas with no snow, but now that Jamie was big enough to actually play and enjoy the snow, she was anticipating it.

"And what does a dog say?" Bethany asked Jamie as they continued their walk. She was trying to teach him the sounds the animals made, and while he could now easily recognize what each animal was when Bethany showed him pictures, he was having a harder time with the sounds they made. "Do you know? It's 'woof'. Can you say 'woof', Jamie?"  
Jamie just stopped in his place, holding his arms up. "P'up Mumma," he whined. Bethany willingly picked him up into her arms, kissing his cheek.

"Okay, how about a cat? What sound does Molly make, Munchkin?"

"Meow!" Jamie answered, excited to know the answer.

"Good boy," Bethany congratulated, kissing him again. "Okay, how about a cow?"

Walking up to the ramp to the Facility doors, Bethany kept on testing Jamie. She knew that Steve would probably be in the training room, so she immediately headed there. Steve was alone in the room, hunched over a tablet, seemingly studying something. Bethany put Jamie down and he immediately took off in Steve's direction.

"Daa-dee!" Jamie yelled out happily, grabbing Steve's attention. Steve threw Jamie into the air when he reached his arms, earning a loud spurt of laughter from Jamie, but when Steve looked at Bethany, he looked anything but happy.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his tone even.

Bethany was taken back, but walked towards him steadily. Clearly she wasn't imagining his distance and this was proof of that. "I was working all morning, and I thought Jamie could stretch his legs a little and get some fresh air. I didn't realize I needed to tell you when we were visiting, you've never had an issue with it before. I thought you'd want to see your son."

"I do," Steve replied curtly.

"Oh, so it's just me you don't want to see? Gotcha," Bethany replied, trying to be strong. She dropped the lunch bag by Steve's feet. "Okay, well I'll just leave the two of you then."

"Beth, that's not what I meant," Steve sighed as she began to walk away. "Beth, wait!"

"No, Steve," Bethany called over her shoulder. "You needed your run, and I need the afternoon."

Bethany didn't let herself cry as she left the Facility and walked back to the house. She knew the thing that she had to do was simple; finish with the damn list. The sooner this problem was resolved, the sooner she wouldn't feel like a complete piece of shit. She didn't think Steve would ever make her feel so little about herself, especially over something she had no control over. She could only assume it was because every time he saw her, he thought about people dressed like them, re-enacting what they may or may not do behind closed doors, but him pushing her away wasn't fixing _anything_.

* * *

Steve had barely said anything to her when he came home. In return, Bethany barely said anything back. Dinner was spent listening to the scrapping of their forks and Jamie's babbles mixed with real words. Since Jamie had spent the afternoon at the Facility, he eventually fell asleep in his high chair, since he hadn't got a nap. Steve had gone up to bring Jamie to his bed while Bethany cleaned up their dishes. She knew they had to talk, but she didn't want to bring up the conversation first. In her opinion, Steve owed her an apology and until she got that, she wasn't willing to say anything.

"Can we talk?" Steve asked when he came back down the stairs. Bethany turned from her position at the sink, leaning against the counter. She said nothing in response, but looked at him expectantly. "I'm sorry," he began. "I have no reason to be angry with you. But every time I look at you, I get angry."

"Do you know how much that hurts?" Bethany demanded, filled with sorrow. "All I did was be honest with you, which is exactly what you wanted me to do, and what do I get? You getting mad at me every time you look at me, even though I did _nothing_ wrong."

"I know," Steve replied, stepping forward. Bethany was starting to feel the emotions of the day taking its toll on her. Tears were starting to swell in her eyes, but she was still furious with him. She was certain her face was red from rage. "I was wrong, and I'm admitting it to you. I'm sorry. I had no right to be mad at you. You've done nothing but try and help-"

"Yeah, and in case you were wondering, I was able to successfully create a program to erase and block any future content," Bethany stated before crossing her arms.

"That's great," Steve smiled softly. "And that makes me feel even worse about myself. Beth, I still love you. That hasn't changed. I'm just so…" He stopped for a moment, his jaw hardening and his fists clenching. "It's private stuff. It's _our_ stuff."

"Steve, it's _not_ us," Bethany reminded him. "It's people pretending to be us. I don't know, because they think we must be hot in bed or something. I can't tell you why, but those people are people just like us, enjoying sex. Maybe a little too much."

"But I keep thinking about people pretending to be me doing things… I'm sorry, Beth. This isn't your fault, I know that. And I guess you have a point. Maybe I am overreacting a little, but I can't help it. It's who I am."

"I know," Bethany said, with a soft smile. "That still didn't make you being mad at me right."

"I agree," Steve whispered.

"It just…" Bethany began, getting cut off by her emotions bubbling up. "I got scared. Scared you'd never touch me, kiss me, hold me again."

Bethany raised a hand to her face, sniffing and wiping away her stray tears. Steve closed the gap between them and pulled her tight into his arms. She immediately melted into his embrace, feeling her tears continuing to fall down her face. "I've got you," Steve whispered to her, squeezing her tight. "Okay? Don't ever think that I want to let you go. I never do. Some days it feels like I never will."

Bethany said nothing, but slid her arms up towards Steve's neck, pulling herself up onto the tips of her toes. She felt him kiss the top of her head, and she immediately felt so much better. And while she knew this didn't exactly make up for the way he had been treating her, it just felt so good to be in his arms. She didn't realize just how much she needed physical affirmations before now, but she had missed his soft random touches throughout the day. Being in his arms now, him gripping her as if his life depended on it, it made her feel so loved and wanted.

 _"Mumma?"_ They heard Jamie asked. Steve sighed, reaching into his back pocket and taking the baby monitor out as Jamie continued to call for him.

"Why don't you go put him back to sleep and I'll finish down here and then meet you in our bedroom?" Steve suggested quietly.

"Okay," Bethany agreed. It took a few seconds for Steve to relinquish his grip from her, but he tilted her head up and gave her a soft kiss before letting her go upstairs.

"I love you. Please never forget that," Steve whispered to her.

"I'll try," Bethany smiled softly to him before quickly slipping up the stairs. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she called out to Jamie. Jamie was standing in his doorframe, rubbing his eyes. "What are you doing out of bed, mister? Come on, you need your sleep."

Bethany scooped him into her arms, closing the door, just leaving a small crack of light into the room and sat in the rocking chair in the corner. Bethany held him against her chest, rubbing his back as she rocked back and forth, humming to him softly. After a spell, the melody turned into a familiar song and Bethany quietly sang the lyrics. _"Safe in Mommy's arms, safe in Mommy's arms. I will never be afraid. No, I will never be afraid for I am safe in Mommy's arms. So rock me gently, gently Mommy. Rock me gently off to sleep. Rock me gently, gently Mommy. And pray the Lord my soul to keep, for I am safe in Mommy's arms…"_

Bethany stayed in Jamie's room, rocking him for a very long time. She wanted to make sure he was soundly asleep before she placed him back in his bed… and she may have drifted off a little. Cradling his head, she carefully got up and placed him in his bed. She pulled the blankets up and tucked him in tight before pushing some of his curls away from his face. She would have to cut it soon, as the curls were starting to become weighed down, and she loved when they bounced when he laughed or ran.

Tip-toeing out of his room, she frowned when she noticed the light to their bedroom was off. "Steve?" She whispered, making her way into the room. Seeing a dim light from the closed bathroom door, and the soft hum of jazz, she cracked open the door. She couldn't help but chuckle as she saw Steve in a mountain of bubbles in the tub, with two champagne flutes in his hands, candles all around the room. There were even small red petals leading from the door to the tub.

"Come get in here," Steve told her with a smile. "I'm making it up to you."

Bethany scratched the back of her neck. "Where did you get the flowers from?"

"It's uh… it's the satin petals from the plastic poinsettias," Steve exclaimed sheepishly.

Bethany chuckled, pulling her sweater off her body. "You owe me new poinsettias then, Rogers."

"I think I can arrange that," Steve confirmed, watching as Bethany then took her pants off, standing in front of him in her underwear.

"Maybe some new Christmas lights too?" Bethany asked seductively, reaching back to unclasp her bra.

Steve couldn't help but laugh. "Anything you want, Doll Face."

"Oh, anything, huh?" Bethany asked slipping out of her bra, followed by her underwear. "Is there a limit?"

"What kind of husband would I be if I did put a limit on it?" Steve replied. Bethany smirked, stepping into the bubbles, the warmth of the water filling her body with pleasure. She lowered her body into the bubbles, leaning back into Steve's embrace. He handed her a champagne flute and then wrapped his free arm around her waist. "Am I forgiven?" He whispered into her ear.

"I guess so," Bethany teased, taking a sip of the champagne. "What kind of wife would I be if I didn't accept this wonderful gesture as an apology?"  
"In all seriousness, I am sorry," he told her seriously. "I hate when I hurt you. When I make you cry. You don't deserve it."

"I know you love me," Bethany promised him. "And I understand why you're upset. But I can't have you avoiding me."

Steve kissed the crown of her head, pulling her closer to his body. "I know, I won't anymore. I promise."

"Good," Bethany said with a smile, turning her head so she could kiss him softly. They sat listening to the jazz music, sipping their booze until both flutes were empty and they placed them on the ground. "So what exactly can I get out of getting everything I want? New shoes?"

"New _boots_ ," Steve corrected. "It's about to snow, so new boots is okay."

"What about a new jacket?" Bethany pushed, just wanting to know how much she could get.

"As long as it's a winter jacket," Steve allowed.

"What about a new car?" Bethany tried. "My lease is up soon, so we should upgrade to something more suitable for a family."

"Well, I think that's needed, so it's fine," Steve reasoned.

"But can I pick it out?"

Steve chuckled. "It's your lease, of course you can."

"It's _ours_ since we're married," Bethany teased him. "Okay, okay, what about a baby? Can I have a baby before next May?"

Bethany waited patiently for Steve to say something, _anything_ , but silence just filled the room. Bethany knew it was a long-shot, but she had to ask anyways. "I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be patient, but I had to ask."

"I just don't think it's the time," Steve sighed.

Bethany shook her head lightly. "So you keep saying, but I still firmly believe that it'll never be a good time and we shouldn't let that keep us from having kids."

"You really want this, don't you?" Steve asked quietly.

Bethany smiled fondly, thinking about Jamie playing with the kids from Mommy and Me. "I just… when I see him with those kids, playing fairly with them, it just warms my heart. And with the littler kids, he's so gentle and caring. I just can't help but think about what an amazing big brother he'd be. But if you want to wait, then we'll wait. I have to respect that."

Silence fell over them again and Steve thought back to when Bethany first told him she was pregnant. He was overwhelmed with joy. He could barely think straight, everything just focusing on the fact that she had a little baby inside her. And when Jamie was born… Even though he and Bethany were on bad terms, they had come together in that moment, welcoming their son into the world. When he first held Jamie in his arms, he was filled with so much pride and love… more love than Steve thought was possible for something that had literally done nothing but exist. That moment, of holding Jamie in his arms for the first time, knowing that the boy was depending on him for _everything_ … nothing could compete with that feeling.

"Okay," he finally whispered a few minutes later.

"Okay what?" Bethany asked tiredly.

Steve took in a deep breath before telling her. "Let's have another baby."

The water swished as Bethany turned around to face Steve. Her face showed shock, but there was no hint of a smile. "Don't you play with me, Steve."

He laughed, shaking his head. "I'm not. This is what you want, and I'd be lying if I said I don't want another one. Things have been good, all things considered. And you're right; we can't let not knowing what will happen in the future affect when we have a baby. Let's do it."

"Really?" Bethany asked, a smile taking over her face.

Steve cupped her face kissing her softly. "I wouldn't tease you like this. We can start trying next week, once you finish your next period."

"Or we could start now," Bethany suggested seductively, but her large smile made her come off as adorable opposed to sexy.

Steve chuckled, kissing her again. "I love you, Doll Face."

* * *

 ****A/N: I know that many of you have been waiting for that. I've got things planned ;)**

 **MaddazaHatter: Glad you're enjoying the ride!**

 **lenabui98: And I'm excited to write it!**

 **Guest: Considering I struggle to get chapters updated on here, using another platform would just complicate my life more than I need to.**

 **Jo: Haha yes, he's too smart for his own good**

 **anonymouscsifan: Jamie will be Bethany's NUMBER ONE concern throughout the Civil War plot. Basically all her decisions are what Bethany thinks is best for her son.**

 **Chokomon: Because I'm an adult :P Not sure when I learned what it meant but it was a loooonnngg time ago**

 **anette: Haha, yes I've seen them before :P**


	3. Perfection

****A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry that this is so late. I'm trying to stay on track, I really am. I sent off chapter 4 to get corrected last night, so hopefully I'll get it back in time for next week's update :) Until then, enjoy some Christmas fluff. Next week's chapter has Christmas fluff in it as well. I'm in a fluffy mood.**

Chapter 3- Perfection

/pərˈfekSH(ə)n/. noun. the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

* * *

Steve had never seen Bethany so happy during her period before. Despite having _decades'_ worth of her menstrual cycle, every time she got it, she acted like it was her first time. She was almost always sore, emotional, hungry, constipated and just overall, a bitch. Of course, he always tried his very best to comfort her, but by day four, he was typically on edge. But this time was different. She was smiling, laughing, and actually being enjoyable to be around. And he knew that is was because when it was over, they were going to try for a baby.

Steve didn't see reason to regret his decision. In fact, he was excited. He knew that Bethany wanted a little girl next, but he didn't care. A boy or girl, he was excited to experience everything all over again. If everything went as planned, they'd have a baby by September. A two-year age difference between children was ideal for Steve, and most importantly… Bethany was over the moon. He knew that she really wanted to have another baby, but he hadn't realized just how much it meant to her. If he had known this before, he probably would have agreed a long time ago.

During the first real snowfall of the season, Bethany had woken Jamie up from his nap, dressed him in his brand new snowsuit, in which you could only see his chubby little face and his parents took him outside. "What's that?" Bethany asked Jamie, the baby being in awe at the white fluff decorating their lawn. "Is that snow, Munchkin?"  
Jamie reached a hand out to try and collect a snowflake, but when he opened his palm, the flake had already melted. Steve took Jamie's hand and began to lead him out onto the lawn. The snow went up to Jamie's knees, so wading through the snow was a struggle for him, but he didn't let that deter him in the slightest. Bethany stood at the porch, watching the boys, but had already told Steve that she didn't want her toes to freeze if she could avoid it. She hadn't bought a new pair of winter boots yet and was making due with an old pair that had a hole at the bottom.

Jamie fell back onto his bum, looking up at Steve with a questioning look, as he usually did when he was deciding whether or not to cry. "You're fine," Steve reminded him, crouching down so that he was closer to him. "Look, the snow is soft," he explained, patting the snow softly. Jamie sniffed, copying his father's actions before laughing. Steve used his gloved hand to show Jamie how to play with the snow, forming snowballs and such.

"Why don't you two make a snowman?" Bethany suggested from her spot on the porch. "I can go find a hat, scarf and nose."

"That's a great idea," Steve agreed. He began to roll the bottom part, Jamie following in his footsteps, continually trying to catch snowflakes with his mitten-clad hand. Steve heard the crunching of snow under a boot and looked up to see Wanda walking over. "Hi," he offered her.

"Oh, I see someone is enjoying the snow," Wanda teased, picking Jamie up into her arms. "Your house looks beautiful with the snow and the Christmas decorations."

Bethany had gone all out with the outdoor decorations. Steve had merely followed her instructions regarding where everything was supposed to go. It didn't look overwhelming, but extremely classy, with beautiful lit strands of light, garland and blue and silver bows. Steve looked back at the house, admitting to himself that Wanda was right. The house looked _amazing._ He had teased Bethany before, but clearly, she had thought everything out perfectly.

"Hey, I have a favor to ask you," Steve began, seeing how comfortable Jamie was in Wanda's arms. "Would you be comfortable babysitting Jamie? We'd pay you. I want to take Bethany out, but I know Jackson has already gone home for the holidays."

Wanda looked at Jamie who was still trying to grab onto a snowflake. "Yeah, I guess I can do that."

"If you're not comfortable, I'd rather you just say 'no'," Steve added. "I can always ask Jen or Natasha or Sam-"

"No, no," Wanda assured him. "I love to spend time with Jamie. When were you thinking?"

"Tonight would be nice, if she's up to it," Steve replied.

"Okay," Wanda nodded. "Are we going to have fun tonight, Mr. Jamie?"

"Yeah!" Jamie cheered, but Steve wasn't completely sure he was paying attention to what was happening, but it was an adorable answer nonetheless.

"Alright, so… we don't have any top hats, no surprise," Bethany's voice filled the air. "But I figured we could use the fedora from the gangster Halloween costume. Oh, hey Wanda. And we don't have carrots for some reason, so he's getting a cucumber nose instead."

Steve chuckled at her selection of snowman garments. She laid the objects on the porch and finally made her way into the snow despite the hole in her boot. She took Jamie from Wanda arms. "I bet you could roll the middle snowball faster than Steve could."  
"I'll take that bet," Steve replied.

"Oh, and what does the winner get?" Bethany asked with a lifted brow.

"The winner picks what we do tonight," Steve offered. "If I win, I take you out on a date. I get to chose what we do, where we go. Wanda has already agreed to watch Jamie. If you win, you make the decision on what we do."

"So either way, it sounds like I win," Bethany smiled. "Okay, on my mark. Get set… GO!"

Steve immediately began to compact the snow, rolling it around the lawn as fast as he possibly could. He paid no attention to Wanda's own work, but seeing red waves dance through the air as she pulled the snow together using her mind. Feeling the boulder reaching a good height and weight, Steve rushed to place it on top of the bottom boulder, looking to Bethany with a smile. Wanda's boulder was about the perfect size of a snowman's head, but Wanda wasn't particularly rushing with it, just using her powers to entertain Jamie. He was always so captivated by her abilities. He had literally once just sat there intently watching her use her abilities for an hour. Wanda got bored before Jamie did.

"I guess you win," Bethany winked as Wanda used her mind to place the snowball on top of the middle portion. "What are we doing tonight?"

"That, my love, is a surprise," Steve teased, walking up to her. "But dress warmly. That's a must."

"My boot, Steve," Bethany whined softly.

"Don't worry, you won't be needing it for long," he replied casually. He wanted to take her skating for years now. It was so romantic in his opinion. But something always came up, and now seemed like it was the perfect time.

Bethany narrowed her eyes with a soft smirk on her face, clearly having some ideas towards what Steve's date entailed, but didn't press further. She placed Jamie back down in the snow, instructing him to go get the snowman's garments. She followed behind him, knowing that his arms weren't big enough to carry everything, although the boy sure would have liked to try.

Steve carefully broke two small branches off a nearby tree and Wanda went to the garden, buried under snow, to find two bark pieces to use as eyes and a smile. The four of them carefully constructed the finishing touches of the snowman, leaving only the hat. Steve picked up Jamie and gave the boy the fedora. Jamie knew exactly what to do with it, placing it on the head of the snowman. Wanda and Bethany clapped in approval which caused Jamie to break out into a fit of laughter.

"Looks like someone will be able to put the bow on top of the Christmas tree," Bethany teased the boy lightly. He would most definitely need help with that one, but placing the topper upon the tree was an important holiday tradition, and seemingly a rite of passage for children. "Which reminds me, we need to get on that soon. All the good trees will be gone soon. And it's almost Christmas."

"We still have some time, but I agree," Steve nodded. "We'll go this weekend. And we'll fully decorate the inside of the house while we're at it."

"Will you be joining us?" Bethany asked, looking at Wanda.

The teenager looked shocked at the invitation. Steve was surprised that Wanda didn't know by now that she was always welcomed to join in their family time. Anyone from the team was. The three Rogers had their morning and nighttime rituals that were almost never disturbed by the team members, so they didn't mind when someone popped in. They were truly family, so it only made sense for them to be present during holiday decorations and other traditions.

"I-I would love to," Wanda nodded.

"Good," Bethany smiled, clapping her hands together. "Okay, I don't know about you three, but my toes are cold and wet, so I'm going inside for some hot chocolate."

"I'll join you," Wanda replied, but Steve shook his head, seeing how Jamie was still enraptured with the falling snow.

"I'll stay out with Munchkin a little longer," Steve responded. "I want him to enjoy this before he learns what a pain snow can actually be."

"Okay," Bethany chuckled before leading Wanda inside the house. Steve placed Jamie back down, the boy willingly falling back into the snow and laughing. Steve had long ago decided that Jamie's laughter was the most beautiful sound in the entire world. He was happy that Jamie laughed frequently. Whenever he saw babies on the streets, they always seemed to be crying, but not Jamie. He was so lively and filled with joy. Everything caught his attention. He was curious about things, and Steve knew that one day, he'd follow in the steps of his mother and start to wonder how things worked. It was evident. Sometimes he would look at his toys, seemingly studying them.

It made him excited to think that soon there would be another baby to introduce to the world. And even better, Jamie would get to introduce him or her to some things. Steve wondered if he'd be kind and gentle, or a little jealous of all the attention the baby was getting. He hoped it would be the first one; that Jamie would want to touch Bethany's growing belly and try to make the baby smile when they were sad. Looking down at his laughing boy, Steve knew that the chances of Jamie being a good big brother were enormous. While he tended to have some issues with sharing sometimes, he was getting much better at it, and both Steve and Bethany attributed that to Mommy and Me. He had no issues with other children when it came to sharing toys or just getting along in general. It made Steve very hopeful.

Pulling his phone out from his pocket, he opened the camera app, pointing it down at Jamie. "Say cheese, Jamie," Steve instructed him. Jamie did his best to press the word out of his mouth, butchering it a little, but it had all the same effect as Steve snapped a beautiful photo of the boy lying in the snow with a huge smile on his face.

* * *

Bethany had a large grin on her face as Steve led her to the giant lit up skating rink. Twinkly lights were strung across the sky and intertwined into beautifully decorated Christmas trees all around. He squeezed her gloved hand tightly, happy that she was clearly excited about their date night. Bethany was known for always having cold feet, even in the summertime, which caused Steve to think that she'd be a little skeptic about skating at night, but it was clear that she was looking forward to it.

They sat on a bench and Steve handed over her skates. "I haven't done this in a while," Bethany admitted. "I didn't even know you had skates."

"Oh, I borrowed them from Sam," Steve answered. "I'm hoping I won't fall on my behind."

"Same here," Bethany chuckled. "But I guess if you fall, I'll fall too since I will be clinging onto you."

"That's good incentive not to lose my balance then," Steve smiled, leaning in to kiss her. When they finished with their laces, Bethany took Steve's arm, holding onto it tightly as they made their way onto the ice. As Bethany's blade hit the ice, she clenched every muscle in her body, maintaining a strong posture and balance. At first, the couple only took little steps and glides, but after a moment of finding their balance, Steve began to push off stronger, Bethany clinging onto him.

"It's beautiful here," Bethany commented. "I love the city during the holidays. I mean, sure, it has its downfalls, but with the lights and the music? It's like a movie. But you know what I want to do?"

"No, what?" Steve asked.

"Find a suburban neighbourhood where there's lots of Christmas lights and walk it with Jamie. He loves the lights on the house. I feel like to a kid, it's a little like magic. I think he'd love it. I know I would."

"Then we'll do it," he promised, leaning to kiss her temple. Bethany's gaze was wandering everywhere, from the lights to the families skating together. There was so much going on and it looked like she wanted to take in everything. But Steve just wanted to look at her. She was wearing a fluffy pink hat, her curls tumbling down from it. Her eyes were bright, her face glowing. Steve loved moments like this because there was no pain shadowing her.

"I love you," he whispered to her.

She looked up to him, her smile growing impossibly larger. "I love you," she told him with a laugh.

They skated for a good twenty minutes before Steve pulled Bethany over to the hot chocolate stand. Settling on a bench, Steve handed Bethany her drink before wrapping an arm around her, pulling Bethany close. "Warm?" Steve asked her seriously.

"My toes are a bit cold," she admitted. "But I'm not ready to head home just yet."

"Oh, we're not going home after this," Steve told her before looking at his watch. "We'll have to leave in about fifteen minutes to make it to the next stop."

"Another secret?" Bethany asked with a smile.

"Another _surprise,_ " Steve corrected, kissing her softly.

After they finished their drinks, they decided to head to the next location. In the car, Bethany had taken her boots off and placed her feet upon the dash, next to the heaters. Steve caught himself, originally meaning to scold her for placing her feet up, but allowing her when he realized that it was because she was cold. He even cranked up the heat a little more for her. He was uncomfortably hot, but he wanted to focus on Bethany warming up.

Bethany was looking outside the windows excitedly, trying to figure out where they were going while also worrying if what she was wearing was appropriate. "You'll be fine," Steve promised her. "And even if you guess right, I won't tell you."

"No, but you'll give it away by mistake," Bethany teased him, reaching over to poke his arm softly. "You've got better at lying, but not Natasha-level."

"Just listen to the Christmas music," Steve laughed. Bethany sighed, but her smile didn't even falter a little. "It's nice to see you this happy," he admitted softly to her.

"Life is exciting right now," She explained with a shrug. "I have no reason to be anything but happy. Will there be food at this place?"

"Yes," Steve replied. "You know, I've spent the week thinking about the months to come."

"You're not changing your mind about the baby, are you?" Bethany asked with a hint of panic in her voice.

"No, I'm not," he promised her. "Not in the slightest. I'm excited. I think back to when you were pregnant with Jamie, and even if bad things did happen, the entire thing was… it was magical."

"You should have experienced it from my position," Bethany teased before shaking her head in wonder. "Knowing and _feeling_ something grow inside of you… It's incredible. Truly magical."

Steve smiled, reaching a hand over to take her hand in his and squeezing it tightly. He didn't say anything to ruin the moment. He was glad that she viewed pregnancy as magical, since he knew what Bethany went through while pregnant with Jamie. Her swollen feet alone would have worn out weaker women. He was hoping that she'd have an easier time in the future. This time, she knew what to expect. And Steve knew what to do to comfort her. The only thing that was worrying Steve was how Jamie was going to react.

While Bethany stated that Jamie was wonderful with the other kids at Mommy and Me, Steve remembered how possessive Jamie had been over Bethany while she was holding baby Nathan Barton. Not only that, but some days he would get angry if Steve would even touch Bethany and vice versa. Steve _hoped_ that Jamie would eagerly take on the role of big brother, but he didn't want to assume. Anything could happen.

* * *

After the special showing of _It's A Wonderful Life,_ the couple slowly made their way back to their house. Bethany had been so excited to watch the movie with Steve in a movie theatre, snacking on popcorn, holding each other's hand, just like it should have been back when the movie was originally released. A few people had stopped them and asked for pictures, and they agreed willingly, but it was still weird for both of them to be considered 'celebrities'. Steve knew that fame really wasn't something he ever asked for. And he certainly knew that while Bethany loved to be the center of attention, she never wanted fame. But the people at the movie theatre were respectful and Steve couldn't find any real reason why it would bother him.

"Huh," Bethany said, sitting in the passenger seat and looking at her phone.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, looking at her for a moment before turning his gaze back to the road.

"Pictures from tonight have already circled the web," she explained. "That was quick. Even for 2015, that was quick."

"Any rude comments?" He questioned, knowing full-well that there was a lot of negativity surrounding the Avengers right now.

"Trolls must be sleeping," Bethany replied, a smile clear in her voice. "Lots of comments on how good my hair looks though. And how sexy you are."

"Stop," Steve told her, feeling himself blushing a little.

"You are," Bethany sang quietly, reaching a hand out to touch his arm. "And you're all mine."

"Yes, I am," Steve confirmed, quickly leaning over to kiss her softly before looking back at the country roads. "Are you tired? Do you want to go right to bed?"

"Maybe," Bethany said casually with a shrug, looking back at her phone. "If Wanda was tired, I was going to suggest she just crash in the spare bedroom. Unprotected sex can wait until tomorrow night."

Steve couldn't help but burst out laughter, shaking his head. "Oh god, woman, I love you."

"Could be fun to get the tree, decorate it, put Jamie to bed, and have sex in front of the fireplace and the lit-up Christmas tree to some jazzy Christmas music," Bethany suggested. "How romantic am I?"

"Very, apparently," Steve agreed with a chuckle. "I like that idea. I wish I thought of it."

"I can pull out my sexy Santa lingerie too," Bethany replied with a wink.

Steve smiled to himself, letting out a soft breath of air. "If you want to wait until tomorrow, you need to stop tempting me right now."

"Okay, okay," Bethany replied with a soft mock in her voice, but Steve saw her smiling still. They were quiet for a few moments before Steve asked Bethany what she was thinking about. "I don't really want to tell you," she admitted.

"What? Why?" Steve asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Because you'll judge me," Bethany explained. "And it goes against my own beliefs."

"'Beliefs'?" Steve asked with a slight frown. "Okay, now you have to tell me."

She sighed, putting her phone on her lap and leaning back in her seat. "I was looking at baby girl names."

"I see," Steve replied, trying to hide his smile. With Jamie, she kept his name a secret until the last moment. She didn't want to give him a name until he was born, in case she decided against it when she had him in her arms. "And what if it's a boy?"

"Well, we keep trying until we get a girl," Bethany reasoned before turning in her seat, her hands clasped together in a begging motion. "I really want a girl, Steve. I want to put her hair in pigtails and dress her in frilly outfits and do all that fun stuff you can do with a girl."

"I know you want a girl, Beth," Steve reminded her. "But we haven't even tried to conceive yet. Don't you think choosing a name is jumping the gun?"

"There's no harm in looking!" She protested. "I have decided one thing though."

"And that is?"

She looked at him, a small look of nervousness on her face. "I don't want to name the next baby after someone."

"You didn't want to name Jamie after someone either, but look what happened," Steve pointed out.

"Well, this time I mean it," She stressed. "But I'm leaning towards older names. I don't know, names like Ruth and Elsie seem really cute to me right now."

"We have lots of time to settle on a name, whether it is a girl or a boy," Steve reminded her.

"Together," Bethany added. "I want to include you in the name choice this time. And maybe even Jamie. I like the idea of us picking a few options and Jamie choosing his favorite."

"You're just full of great ideas tonight," Steve laughed, spotting the Avengers' Facility in the distance. "You sure you don't want me to drop you off at the compound? Maybe you'll come up with an idea to solve cancer."

"You know I firmly believe that the key to curing cancer is by curing smaller diseases. And not just capping them with medicine, but actually curing them completely. Like eczema. How do we still live in a world where there is no cure to eczema?"

Steve wasn't sure how to reply to that, so he let the car settle back into silence as they turned down the road to their house. "Wow," Bethany said under her breath, looking at the way the house was lit up by the Christmas lights. As an added beauty, the lights were reflecting off the freshly fallen snow. "It looks like a Christmas card."

"This is going to be a perfect Christmas," Steve told Bethany confidently.

She sighed shaking her head as Steve parked the car. "Please don't say that. You'll only jinx it. Just let the Christmas season play out the way it has to. If you promise me something and you are forced to break your promise, it'll only make you not being with us worse."

"Okay," Steve said softly, reaching out to take her hand in his. "I just need you to know that on Christmas, there's nowhere I'd rather be but with our family."

"I know that," Bethany promised him with a smile, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Thank you for tonight. I really needed it."

"We both did," Steve nodded while sighing.

* * *

Putting Jamie to bed that night was incredibly easy. The day had been long and exciting and Jamie hadn't even closed his eyes for a quick nap once throughout the day. The family had got up early to go out and cut down their Christmas tree. They had invited Wanda, but being a typical teenager, she had elected to sleep-in and would just join them when it was time to decorate the tree.

Jamie had wandered around the Christmas tree forest for close to an hour. Bethany had borrowed a pair of boots from Natasha, but her feet still got cold within a good twenty minutes. She had said nothing, however, following Jamie closely as he wandered, occasionally craning his head up to look at the tall trees with a look of wonder. Finally, he sat in front one of the smaller trees, but Steve and Bethany knew that it was the one he liked the best.

"At least we know it'll fit in the house," Steve teased Bethany as she collected Jamie in her arms and walked a safe distance so that Steve could cut the tree down. The tree was _just_ taller than Steve and it wasn't too thick either, but she liked the idea of having a small Christmas tree. Last year, she was obsessive about finding the perfect tree, but this year, a small tree seemed perfect.

Jamie had rooted himself on the couch as Bethany and Steve set the tree up, trimming it down in certain areas. Wanda had come down to help Bethany string the lights on the tree while Steve made lunch. Jamie was digging through the decoration box, his eyes wide as he studied each Christmas ball with the utmost care. "Wow," the boy had let out at a particular sparkly silver one. It was the first ball that Jamie put on the tree.

They had slowly decorated the tree, eating cookies and dancing to Christmas music. Steve took lots of photos of them all before Bethany took the camera from him so Steve could lift Jamie up to place the topper on the tree. Wanda used her magic to help place the topper on steadily before everyone retreated to the couch, admiring their work. Jamie had been so tired that he had fallen asleep in his dinner.

Steve was lighting the fireplace while Bethany tucked Jamie in bed. Wanda had left after dinner, and it was just the two of them now. Adding another log to the fireplace, he heard Bethany's soft footsteps coming down the stairs. He turned his head, smiling as he saw her. She was wearing one of his large sweaters, it falling off one of her shoulders and just touching her knees.

"No Santa lingerie?" Steve teased, standing up from his spot. He didn't really care, but he knew that it was part of Bethany's plan.

"This is more comfortable," Bethany reasoned, waltzing over to him and throwing her arms around his neck. "Did you have a good day?"

"I did," Steve nodded, looking at the Christmas tree. "We did a good job. It's beautiful."

"In our own little way," Bethany chuckled. The bottom of the tree had more decorations than the rest, but that was because that was as high as Jamie could reach. "It's going to take everything in me not to move them so everything is symmetrical."

"I know it will," Steve chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "But I also know that you won't because of how proud he was."

"You're right," Bethany sighed, looking up to him. "I have to tell you something really important."

"What?" Steve asked, nerves working up in him by her serious tone.

"I love you," Bethany told him seriously before laughing.

"You scared me, Beth," Steve laughed, tickling her sides. She squealed, wiggling in his arms. Steve wrapped his arms around her tightly, lifting her up to his height and kissing her deeply. He could feel her smiling through the kiss, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his head.

"I love you too," Steve mumbled against her lips. Bethany's legs wrapped around his waist, clinging onto him tightly. One of his hands moved up to her face, cupping it softly. He didn't want to rush it. He wouldn't deny that he was excited, but he wanted to keep this as romantic as possible. This wasn't just sex. They were trying to create a baby. Steve wanted their future son or daughter to come from something pure and loving. He didn't want to rush through that.

The hand on her hip moved under the sweater, taking a firm grip on her flesh. Bethany's lips parted from his to get a breath of air, their lips hovering over each other's. Bethany opened her eyes, looking into his. "Do you want some cider?" Steve asked her softly, resting his forehead against hers.

"Yes please," she said timidly. She unwrapped her legs from his, taking a seat in front of the fireplace. Steve had set up some pillows and blankets for them. Beside the set up were some grapes, cookies, cider and two wine glasses. Steve poured the cider into the glasses, handing Bethany one before taking his spot beside her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing her temple. They were quiet for a moment, listening to the music, feeling the heat of the flame and sipping at their drinks.

Bethany's head rested against his body, one of her legs running up and down Steve's leg. Steve placed his empty glass to the side before putting his hand on her upper thigh and running it up and down softly. Bethany looked up to him with a small smile, Steve kissing her forehead again. "What?" Steve asked as she continued to look up at him.

"I'm just… trying to remember this," Bethany explain. "Not just you and this setting. But this feeling."

"And what feeling is that?" Steve encouraged her to share.

"Safe. Protected. Loved," Bethany listed. "I feel like everything is right. Everything is perfect right now."

Steve cupped her face lightly, closing the gap and kissing her passionately. He heard Bethany place her glass down behind them, prompting him to push her body down, hovering over her. One of Bethany's legs bent, wrapping itself across his legs to bring them closer. This brought the hem of the sweater Bethany was wearing down, Steve's hand travelling up her leg and touching the thin, lace thong she was wearing.

"You're so soft," Steve whispered to her before lowering his lips to her neck. Bethany's hands moved up under his sweater, her nails dragging carefully up his back. It sent a series of shudders down his spine, causing him to dig his lips into her neck softly. Bethany let out a soft murmur before a content sigh slipped from her lips.

Placing a soft kiss on her soft spot, Steve sat up carefully on Bethany's hips, removing his sweater. The heat from the fireplace and the lust pulsing through his veins was making him work up a sweat. Bethany reached out, placing her hands flat against his stomach. Her eyes were looking directly where her hands were placed, moving up and down his torso slowly. Steve didn't mind at all. In actuality, he was enjoying it. It wasn't just how her soft fingertips felt, but how her calloused palms were caressing him, but how she looked while doing it. Her eyes were lazy with lust, a quirk of a smile on her face. Her hair was in wild curls, spreading around her head like a halo. She wasn't wearing a stitch of makeup, and yet she was easily the most beautiful woman Steve had ever seen.

When Bethany's hands moved towards Steve's back, he lowered his body closer to hers, pulling the neck of the sweater down, exposing more skin. He kissed her collarbone lovingly, Bethany pressing her hips up towards Steve's. He lifted his head up, looking at her face. She was smiling mischievously at him, taunting him with just her eyes. Steve lowered his body down before raising the hem to the sweater she was wearing, exposing her stomach. Steve bent down, kissing the area around her belly button lightly. He raised his eyes up to look at her as his lips leisurely moved down. She was looking back down at him, anticipation written all over her face. Bethany was biting her lip softly, her breath picking up slightly as Steve inched closer and closer to the top of her thong. Lifting his head off her skin, Steve blew slowly over her wet center through her thong, causing Bethany's head to rest back against the pillow, letting out a contented sigh.

Steve began to kiss the inside of her leg, feeling her legs tremble with every kiss. Her anticipation was building, he could tell. She was being patient and Steve was thankful for that. If she insisted things go faster, Steve wasn't sure he'd have the strength to say no. He was dying for some friction, to have her hands either move down towards his hips or to feel her warmth around him. But he maintained his slow pace, focusing on his breath and on her breath.

Steve placed his hands on Bethany's thighs, moving his hands in comforting circles. Bethany raised her legs up and around Steve's body before shimmying her hips down, trying to get his kisses to where her lust was centered. Steve indulged her, kissing her softly through the thong. Bethany whimpered softly and when Steve looked up at her, her hands were clasped over her head and she had a huge smile on her face.

Steve slipped a finger around the side of her thong, giving it a pull down. He sat up so he could pull them fully off her legs. Steve then took one of her feet and kissed the bottom of it softly before moving to remove his pants and boxers. Bethany crossed one leg over the other, watching him from her spot with the most innocent of smiles on her face.

"Stay there for a second," Bethany asked him quietly when he went back to hover over her. He rested on the backs of his heels, completely naked, following her instructions. Her eye raked over him, but there was no hunger in her eyes. She wasn't looking at him like something to devour. It was like she was admiring him. Steve took in a deep breath, trying to push his desires back so that Bethany could continue her admiration, but when she smiled at him and gave him the go-ahead, Steve was grateful.

Hovering over her, he kissed her lips softly, using one hand to push some stray hairs out of her face. "I love you," he told her quietly with a smile.

Both of Bethany's hands moved to cup his face, repeating the sentiments with a bright smile before giving him another soft kiss. Both of Steve's hands moved down to her outer legs, pulling them up and open before guiding himself to her center. They held each other's gaze, Bethany holding her breath as she waited for him to fill the gaping hole she was feeling. Steve slowly pressed his hips forward, his eyes closing tight, enjoying the feeling of being inside of her, unprotected. He knew the importance of condoms, but every time they had unprotected sex, Steve couldn't wrap his mind over how _amazing_ it felt. Even Bethany obviously enjoyed the feeling more. Her breath was ragged and she had tears in her eyes. But with the soft smile on her face, Steve knew they weren't tears of pain or sadness. She was _thankful_.

And more than anything, she wanted a baby.

* * *

 ****A/N: I have the week off next week, and besides a few books to read for class, I don't have that much going on so I should be able to write a bunch.**

 **MaddazaHatter: A little playmate for Jamie :) I'm excited too! I know the basics of what is going to happen, but the most of the time, I end up surprising myself :)**

 **Jo: The way I see it, Steve wasn't purposely doing it to hurt her feelings, he just couldn't stop thinking about it, which caused a lot of frustration for both of them.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Yes, the Bucky/Kiley/Sam thing will definitely be interesting! I haven't worked out everything about it, but it will add some tension and drama. Nope, Steve is NOT perfect, as much as we'd like to believe it. I feel like giving him these faults make him more realistic. And to be honest, it's nice when Steve fucks up opposed to Bethany :P She makes a lot of mistakes. It's only fair that he does too. Thanks for the get well wishes! My cold went away over night :) I still have really random coughing fits, but it's also October aka my random asthma attack month. I can literally just go to brush my teeth and end up having to take my inhaler. As soon as November rolls around, I'll be fine. It's this way EVERY year :P**

 **Cleo9427: Haha, she finally convinced him! I didn't want to promise her having a baby until I knew what happened in Civil War. Now, clearly, I know exactly what I want to happen :)**

 **Adela: It will be nice to have another baby storyline to write :) Not going to lie, I have a soft-spot for babies and pregnancy.**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: Haha, I love Wanda too. I wish that we got more of her in MCU, so I could write her more accurately. I'm trying my best with her, but she is hard to peg. There is DEFINITELY weird porn categories out there for Avengers. Innocent tumblr searches have left me in shock. My health has been all over the chess board as of late, but I'm working to figure out what's going on in my body with my doctors, so hopefully I'll be back to perfect health soon!**


	4. Eve

Chapter 4- Eve

 **/ ēv/ noun. The day or period of time immediately before an event or occasion.**

* * *

Bethany woke up to the feeling of Steve's hands on her stomach. She turned her head to face him, a tired smile on her face. "What are you doing?"  
"I didn't mean to wake you," Steve replied sheepishly. "I was just thinking about how there could be a little baby in there."

"What time is it?" Bethany asked after yawning.

"Almost five thirty," Steve replied, his hand still resting on her stomach.

"Gesh, Steve you couldn't have waited until eight?" She whined, rolling onto her stomach and burying her face into the pillow.

It had been a week since they had started trying for a baby and Steve was continually getting more and more excited as the hours ticked by. Bethany always smiled at his excitement, but she was much more patient than he was. She wanted to wait to take a pregnancy test or see a doctor. It had only been a week. It was foolish for them to do that yet.

"I told you I didn't mean to wake you," Steve reminded her, leaning down to kiss her shoulder.

"Are you up for the day?" Bethany asked, turning her head so that her words weren't muddled into her pillow. Tony was throwing a Christmas Eve party at the Tower and they were hosting Christmas dinner at their place the next day. Knowing that Christmas was going to be hectic as it was, Bethany had made a huge list of all the chores they had to do before the next day.

"You want me to start with the chores now?" Steve asked, laying a hand flat on her back.

"Steve, we left them for the last minute on Thanksgiving and look what happene-"

"Okay, okay," Steve agreed, moving to get up.

Bethany sat up, reaching out for his hand. "Only if you were getting up for the day," she repeated. "If you were planning on falling back to sleep-"

"You know me better than that," Steve teased her, leaning forward to kiss her. "Jamie will be up soon anyways. Go back to sleep. You must be tired."

Bethany sunk back into the bed, pulling the comforter around her tighter. They had been up late the night before, wrapping the rest of the gifts and of course, getting lost in each other. They had only headed to bed well after midnight. Knowing that they'd be up late again tonight and then again on Christmas, it was best to get as much sleep as possible. Of course, now Bethany was regretting having sex at all. Despite it being a magical night, it was a good hour that she could have been sleeping.

"Stupid sexual desires," Bethany mumbled into her pillow.

* * *

Steve had enlisted Jamie's help with cleaning the floors. The toddler wasn't doing any real housework, but it was keeping him preoccupied as Steve swept and mopped the floor. Jamie was so proud, continually looking up at Steve with a huge smile. Steve knew that Bethany had set the alarm clock for eight, but he was planning on sneaking up and turning it off altogether. When Jamie was cooperating, it made doing housework much easier. When Steve first brought Jamie downstairs, he had rushed over to the Christmas tree, seeing the colourful boxes underneath it. Bethany and Steve had placed some gifts under it to help increase the feeling of Christmas in the house. It took a few minutes for Steve to feel confident that the toddler wasn't going to rip open the wrappings. He _did_ however pull at multiple ribbons and bows.

After Steve cleaned the windows and dusted the shelves, Jamie following behind him dutifully, Steve snuck upstairs with Jamie in tow. "Shh," Steve instructed to Jamie, placing a single finger to his lips. Jamie repeated the action as Steve opened the door to the bedroom. Bethany was sprawled out on the bed, as she usually did when it was just her. Carefully, he moved next to the bed, turning the alarm off as quietly as possible.

"Mumma," Jamie said quietly, reaching out for Bethany. Her body moved slightly in response, but it hadn't awoken her.

"Shh," Steve reminded him. Once again, Jamie repeated the action before resting his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve had just made it in time to turn off the alarm, the numbers ticking to eight. Steve kissed the top of Jamie's head before leaving the room, slowly closing the door. Steve pulled out his phone when it vibrated, reading a message from Natasha for him to meet her at the Facility. Slipping his phone back into his jeans, he headed towards Jamie's room. He placed the toddler down, leading him towards his dresser. Steve opened up two drawers for Jamie to select what he wanted to wear.

It took almost five minutes to get Jamie's attention focused where Steve wanted it, but the father knew that Jamie wouldn't put anything on that he didn't want. His eye caught the little tuxedo hung up on the doorknob, knowing that wrestling Jamie into it would be an adventure on its own. The Christmas Eve party was a black tie event which Steve was not looking forward to. He didn't know why Tony insisted on every party being an extravagant event. _Because he's a show-off_ , he reminded himself. Steve wanted a comfortable Christmas Eve night, wearing a sweater and it just being his family and closest friends.

But he wasn't going to complain to Bethany about it. He knew better than that. She was planning a comfortable Christmas dinner for just their family and closest friends. There was no dress code, no press, no need to look and act perfect. They could just be themselves. He didn't like the fact that they would have to put on this grand act, especially when it was _Christmas_. If it was just a random day of the week, it wouldn't bother him as much.

Steve picked Jamie up and placed him on the change table, preparing to change his diaper. Despite the fact that Steve encouraged Jamie to pick his own outfit and change into it, Steve was _not_ looking forward to when it was time to potty train Jamie. They had _lots_ of time before it was expected of them, but Steve was leaning towards not teaching him until it was absolutely necessary. He didn't want to admit that Jamie wasn't his little baby boy anymore. He wasn't this small bundle that cried when he was sleepy, hungry or just needing comfort. Jamie would always have a special place in his heart, but he was excited that soon there would be a new baby and he could relive all the baby moments. Of course, there was the sleepless nights and feeling like his head was going to burst from all the crying. But that was so rewarding at the end of the day.

After dressing Jamie and feeding him a small snack, Steve left a note for Bethany before heading to the Facility. By the time he met up with Natasha, it had almost been an hour since she texted him. Jamie had insisted on walking to the Facility and his little legs could only move so fast. "I should have just come to you," Natasha teased when he came into the living space before reaching out to pick Jamie up, smiling at the little boy.

"You probably should have," Steve replied, taking his jacket off and pulling the hat from Jamie's head.

"Where's Bethany?" Natasha asked, still fixated on Jamie.

"Probably still sleeping," Steve answered, taking Jamie's winter boots off his feet. "I thought with all the madness going on today and tomorrow, she should get some extra sleep. You heading out to see the Bartons soon?"

Natasha nodded, a solemn smile on her face. "Yeah. In about half an hour."

"Why don't you look excited?" Steve asked with a frown.

The agent looked back to Jamie touching his curls softly, her answer already evident. "As much as I want to be with them, you guys are my family too."

Steve gave Natasha a soft smile. "We feel the same way," he promised her. "But we see you everyday. You should go be with them."

"I wanted to give you your gifts before I left," Natasha began, leading Steve to the Christmas tree. "Or at least, I wanted to give Jamie his gift. You and Bethany can wait," she teased with a wink. Steve chuckled under his breath, settling onto the couch. Natasha placed Jamie down by the gift before taking her seat on the floor, picking out a medium sized box, wrapped in silver paper with a gold ribbon and bow. "It's not much," Natasha said under her breath, a sad smile on her face.

"Even if that mattered, he's eighteen months. He doesn't understand. A toy is a toy," Steve reminded her.

Placing the gift in front of Jamie, it took a lot of encouragement and instruction from both Steve and Natasha for Jamie to finally understand what to do. At first he was just entertained with ripping the shiny paper off the box, laughing hysterically every single time. Steve made sure to get a video of it, knowing that this was something Bethany would wish to see. He felt a little guilty about her not being there, but he knew that it was all with good intentions.

"What cha got there?" Steve asked Jamie when he finally got the box opened. Natasha helped Jamie pull out a large elephant stuffed animal. The toy was almost the same size as Jamie was and when the toddler excitedly took the toy into his arms, it completely covered him. Steve and Natasha giggled as Jamie peered his head around the toy to look at Natasha with a giant smile on his face. If there was something that everyone had learned, it was how much Jamie loved stuffed toys. Anything that was soft or fuzzy, he was immediately drawn to it.

"I think he loves it," Steve told Natasha with a smile, watching as Jamie stood up, took a hold of the elephant and carried it over to his father. Because of how large the toy was, it was a little difficult for the boy, but it made everything that much better. Steve ended the video, sending it to Bethany's phone.

"Good," Natasha smiled, sitting contently on the floor.

Jamie lifted the elephant up to Steve. "Did you get a toy?" Steve asked him, taking a hold of it. "Go say 'thank-you' to Aunt Tasha."

Jamie turned his head to look at Natasha who was craning a finger in a 'come over here' movement. Jamie slowly moved over, Natasha pulling him into her arms for a hug. Jamie cuddled up to her comfortably, Natasha kissing the top of his head.

Steve leaned back on the couch, watching the exchange. It looked so natural and loving. Steve and Bethany had named Natasha Jamie's godmother for multiple reasons. She proved her unwavering trust to them when SHIELD fell, she'd always keep him safe and she was one of their best friends. But Steve always had this inkling at the back of his mind regarding whether Natasha would be good with him. She had never really seen her with kids before Jamie was born and she didn't really seem like the soft and cuddly type.

But when Steve had woken up from the ice, Bethany had been exactly the same. But with love and care, she had opened up. And even more, with something to _love_. To _live for_. "Alright, kid," Natasha said, releasing Jamie from her arms. At that moment, Steve could easily picture Bethany with a little Tony and Steve knew that naming Natasha Jamie's godmother was perfect.

Steve's phone buzzed and he looked down. It was a message from Bethany:

HOW ADORABLE. I LOVE THAT LITTLE MAN. I'M UP NOW. IF I GET READY REAL QUICK, WILL WIDOW STILL BE THERE?

"Beth wants to know if she gets ready now, if you'll still be here," Steve relayed the message.

Natasha looked at the clock on the wall. "Tell her I'll see her in a few days," Natasha replied. "I should be heading out now."

"Sure thing," Steve nodded, quickly texting his wife back before getting off the couch. Jamie had already collected his elephant, so Steve scooped the two of them up into his arms. "Merry Christmas, Nat."

"You too, Rogers," she wished, giving him a hug. "Have fun tonight."

Steve did his best to hide his moan, but Natasha heard it anyways. "It's not funny," Steve warned.

"Hey," She began with a raised eyebrow, her signature teasing look. "On the bright side, you know there'll be really good food."

* * *

Bethany could sense Steve staring at her while she was curling her hair at her vanity table. Steve had moved the record player into their bedroom, bringing up some select Christmas records so they could let the music bring them into the Christmas spirit. Steve had set Jamie up in their room so they could watch over him while they got ready, but he had fallen asleep a little while ago in his play pen, using his elephant as a pillow.

"Can you help me with the back?" Bethany asked him softly.

"Yep," Steve agreed, getting off the bed and standing behind her. Bethany handed him the curling rod, and Steve carefully began to wrap her hair around it. She had recently cut it again, deciding that she really liked the shoulder length hair. Steve had a feeling it was purely because it took her less time in the morning to get it ready.

"Can you promise me something?" Bethany asked softly, looking at him through the mirror.

"Depends on what it is," Steve replied truthfully, knowing that nothing hurt her more than when he broke promises, especially when he always knew they were ones he couldn't realistically keep.

"Fair enough," She whispered, looking down at her hands which were folded together on the vanity table. "Can you just _try_ not to get into it with Tony today or tomorrow? _Please?_ I just want a family get together where there are no fights, no missions, no nothing but family and celebration."

"I can promise to try," Steve agreed to.

"If Tony starts to get on your back about something, just leave the room. Or change the subject. Do _anything_ but get into it with him. Okay? And deal with the situation another day. But not today. And not tomorrow. Please?"

Steve nodded, putting the curling rod down and kneeling beside her. He took her hands into his and waited until she looked at him to speak. "I promise. But maybe you should be telling Tony all this."

"I did," Bethany admitted. "I called him when I woke up. He didn't take it as graciously as you. Most likely because I had woken him up. But he agreed to try."

"Well, I know neither of us like to let you down," Steve assured her. "And you do know that I care for him right? We're just… different. Which is why it's a little weird for me that you get along with both of us so well."

"I'm just a likable person," Bethany winked before laughing. "No, I'm not. I don't know how I do it. I guess I just… I love you both."

Steve kissed her quickly before moving back behind her to finish curling her hair. Bethany began on her makeup, humming along with the music. "Did you happen to see Wanda when you were at the Facility?" She asked when Steve placed the curling rod down, unplugging it.

"Yeah, she said she'll be here by four," Steve answered. "Why?"

"You just answered my next question," Bethany winked, scooting over on the vanity bench as it was made evident that Steve wanted to sit next to her. "Which colour?" She asked, picking up two different eye shadow shades.

"This one," he decided, selecting a smoky blue.

"You do know that I can't match this with red lipstick without looking like a clown, right?" Bethany teased, smiling at him.

He chuckled, but nodded. "I'm more used to you without red lipstick now anyways. When you wear the red… sometimes it's a lot more painful than I want to admit."

"So are you saying you don't want me to wear red anymore?" Bethany asked honestly, a confused look on her face.

"Do what you want," Steve replied. "I have no right in telling you how I want you to look or not to look. If you want to wear red, do it. Do what makes you happy and feel confident."

"You want me to be more confident than I already am?" Bethany teased, continuing with her makeup. "That's dangerous, Rogers."

"Well, sometimes your confidence wavers. And your confidence is what attracted me to you in the first place. Not that I'm saying I'm not attracted to you when you're not confident," Steve hurried to correct himself when Bethany raised a single eyebrow. "I'm just trying to say that there's nothing wrong with confidence, and you should have nothing but confidence."

"Mumma?" Jamie called out, his voice groggy. Bethany turned around in her seat, looking at Jamie who was now sitting on the floor, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah Munchkin?" Bethany asked. Jamie looked around the room before looking at his elephant. A small smile took over his face, his dimpled hands taking a hold of the toy. Bethany slipped off the bench, setting beside Jamie on the ground. "Is that your new toy from Aunt Tasha? Yeah? Do you love it?" Bethany pulled Jamie and the elephant into her arms, holding them tightly against her chest, kissing the top of his head.

As much as she wanted Christmas to be perfect, she knew by now that she needed to keep her expectations as low as possible. The only thing that was important was that her little boy was healthy and happy, and that she was going to give him the best Christmas she possibly could. She knew that just being with family and friends was the best way to spend Christmas.

* * *

 _Bethany kicked the snow off of her heels by banging her feet on the brick walls of the bar. Entering the building, there was this smoky air that seemed to blur her sight for a moment, but she could hear Bucky's laugh in the corner, following the sound to where Bucky and Steve were sitting._

 _"_ _Bethany," Steve said surprised, jumping up from his chair awkwardly. "Wh-what are you doing here?"_

 _"_ _Finished up in the lab, so I thought I'd get a drink. And it's boring at the base now since almost everyone is gone for Christmas," Bethany explained._

 _"_ _You and Howard going home for the holidays?" Bucky asked as Steve pulled out a chair for Bethany._

 _"_ _Thank you," Bethany smiled to Steve before answering Bucky. "No. We know that not everyone can go home for Christmas, and we only have each other. We might as well stay here. What about you two?"_

 _"_ _Looks like we're staying here," Bucky replied, to which Steve sighed at._

 _"_ _I told you, you should go home. See your family," Steve insisted._

 _Bucky shook his head. "I'm not leaving you here, alone, at Christmas. Steve, you're my family too."_

 _"_ _He won't be alone," Bethany jumped to Steve's defense, placing a hand on the Captain's arm. "He'll have me, remember?"_

 _"_ _Oh, yes. Right," Bucky smiled flirtatiously. "Still doesn't change my mind. I'll be spending Christmas here."_

 _"_ _Buck," Steve sighed. "You'll regret not going home to see your family. Please, just do it. If not, I'll feel horrible."_

 _"_ _Why aren't you just going back with him?" Bethany asked, picking from the platter in the middle of the table and popping something into her mouth. "Wouldn't that solve the whole issue? Although, I'd love it if you two stayed, personally. I love Howard, but too much_ _alone_ _time with him is painful. Just ask his last three dates."_

 _"_ _I'm staying back for the same reason as you," Steve explained. "I'd rather someone else go home. A father or a son. Go home to a family who hasn't seen them in months. Which is why you should go Buck. Who knows when you'll get this chance again?"_

 _"_ _You only have a few more days to make the decision," Bethany reminded Bucky, popping something else into her mouth and chewing. "Better hurry up before it's too late."_

 _"_ _I'm not leaving," Bucky laughed, but asserting finality. "Let's move on. What do you want for Christmas, Bethany?"_

 _"_ _What do I want?" Bethany asked confused, her mouth full of bread. "You two don't need to get me a gift."_

 _"_ _Peggy said you got us gifts," Steve explained._

 _"_ _Yeah, but I'm considerably richer than you guys," Bethany replied, finishing her bread and helping herself to Steve's beer and taking a hefty gulp. "I don't expect anyone to give me a gift, to be honest. I don't need anything. I mean, there's things I would_ like _but I don't need them."_

 _"_ _Want kind of things are those?" Steve encouraged, taking his beer back from her hands._

 _"_ _Peace on Earth, end to world hunger and to be the Queen of England," Bethany named off simply, as if they were the most normal things to ask for Christmas._

 _"_ _How about something we can wrap?" Bucky laughed. "Maybe with a little bow on it too."_

 _"_ _Hmmm," Bethany thought for a second before smirking. "You two would look good with little bows."_

 _Steve, who was taking a sip of his beer, choked on it as the idea came to surface in his mind. He began to start coughing as a response, Bethany moving to pat his back soothingly. "If that's really what you want," Bucky teased her. "I'm sure we can arrange that. Right, Steve?"_

 _"Mmm?" Steve replied, still recovering._

 _"_ _Listen, all I want is to have my family and friends with me on Christmas. And if you two are really going to be staying here, then of course I expect you two to spend Christmas with me. And that's all I need._ Although _…" she continued. "If you want to buy me something small like lipstick or perfume, who would I be to refuse?"_

 _"_ _I'm a little surprised at your answer," Bucky admitted, picking at the food platter._

 _"_ _Some rich gals just want more and more. And some, like_ moi _, enjoy nice and expensive things, but still value_ people _."_

 _"_ _Well, if all you want for Christmas is our presence, then we'll see you on Christmas," Steve assured her, earning a happy smile from Bethany._

* * *

When the elevator doors opened to the Stark Christmas party, Bethany was overwhelmed by how many people were there. _Are there really this many people who would rather be with a rich playboy superhero opposed to being with their families?_ But she knew that _of course_ the answer was 'yes'. There was a complete absence of kids, meaning that Jamie was the only little one who was invited to the party. _Or we're the only people here with children_ , she corrected herself.

The room smelled of turkey, which was odd since Pepper had sent the catering menu over to Bethany earlier that week and there was a complete absence of turkey on the menu. Most of it was fancy, rich, shi-shi-poo-poo appetizers that would of course be circled around the room by a waiter in a tuxedo. After one look at the menu, Bethany planned a few snacks to bring with them to the party so that Jamie could eat normal food. Sure, there were a few dessert options she'd let him try, but her son was definitely not eating the raw fish.

The Rogers family, followed by Wanda, slowly walked into the room. Bethany surveyed the people in the room, recognizing some of them, but not the majority. She had no idea who they were or where they came from. Maybe they were employees. Possibly fellow scientists. But Tony didn't just make friends right off the street. He would have met them all through a business experience.

Bethany knew that Steve was not looking forward to such a grand celebration and truth be told, she wasn't either. But she wanted to be with Tony on Christmas Eve and if this was how it was going to be, then so be it. The rest of the Avengers had gone home to their families, leaving Vision and Wanda at the Tower. Vision had volunteered to stay back at the Facility but Wanda had nowhere else to go for the Christmas season. Bethany was doing her damn best to make sure that Wanda didn't feel left out this Christmas. She may not be family by blood, but she meant a lot to Bethany, mostly because the girl reminded the ex-agent of herself. And Bethany wanted to ensure that Wanda had everything she could possibly have and more, and that included happy Christmas celebrations.

"Can you two give the coordinator the cookies?" Bethany asked to Wanda and Steve, pointing out a woman in a black dress, glued to her phone. She had baked two hundred cookies at Tony's request. Bethany knew that it was a huge task for her to undertake, since she usually just made two batches of the cookies, but she knew that they reminded Tony of his childhood Christmases and she agreed. "I'm just going to talk to Tony."

"Sure. We'll see you soon," Steve agreed, leading Wanda to the coordinator.

Bethany looked at Jamie, smiling as he clung onto his elephant. It took her a good ten minutes to wrestle him into his tuxedo, but once it was on, he didn't try to pull it off. She had brushed his curls back, but they had sprung back into their usual direction. Either way, Bethany couldn't stop gushing about how cute Jamie was, even whispering "we made that" to Steve multiple times.

Spotting Tony in the crowd, Bethany headed over with a giant smile. "Merry Christmas kid," she wished, pulling him in for a hug. Tony patted Bethany's back awkwardly, obviously not wanting to be entrapped in a hug in front of all his guests.

"Okay, that's enough," Tony insisted, Bethany pulling away, rolling her eyes.

"Who are all these people?" She asked, looking around the room.

Tony followed her gaze before shrugging. "I don't know, Pep sent out the invites."

"Of course she did," Bethany replied with a shake of her head.

"Yeah, apparently a lot of people couldn't come because they had 'plans'," Tony said offhandedly.

Bethany scoffed playfully, shaking her head again. "Tony, it's Christmas Eve, remember? Some people actually have kids and a close-knit, large family that they want to spend the holidays with."

"What a foreign concept," Tony mumbled under his breath.

"Hey," Bethany tried. "We had some pretty great Christmases, all things considered. Just focus on making the future Christmases better."

"I'm trying," Tony defended himself.

"Yeah, you and your two-hundred closest strangers," Bethany replied with sass, handing Jamie over to Steve when he stepped up next to her. "You do know that you don't have to throw a party for _every_ party, right?"

"Hey, I didn't last year!" Tony pointed out.

"That's because I told Pepper not to so that I could throw a smaller Christmas Eve party," Bethany reminded him. "Whatever, I'm not arguing with you here, kid. I'm merely just telling you that you don't have to live up to the party-boy image if you don't want to."

"Cap," Tony greeted Steve opposed to replying to Bethany.

"Thanks for having us," Steve replied, moving to shake his hand. "The waiters will start to hand out the cookies in about an hour."

"Perfect, thank you," Bethany smiled to Steve softly. "Care to dance?"

"Always," Steve answered with a large grin, leading Bethany away from Tony and to the makeshift dance floor. They arrange their bodies around Jamie and began to sway. "What was that about?"

Bethany sighed, looking down for a moment. "Honestly, it's nothing worth repeating. But it's the holidays. You know how he gets sometimes. He tries to bring up his horrible childhood to get his way. To justify his behaviour. He's a grown-ass man. He needs to put that behind him."

"He still hasn't fully coped," Steve inputted. "You can't really blame him for that. We all carry around those scars."

"Well, I know that," Bethany reasoned. "You know I know that. Probably more than anyone on this planet. Whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want to enjoy the party as best we can, go home and put our little boy to sleep. And then wake up and have Christmas the way we want it."

"Don't wish away tonight," Steve warned. "You might regret it."

 _Doubt it_ , Bethany thought to herself, not realizing that in a year, she'd be spending Christmas Eve in a _very_ different way.

* * *

 ****A/N: Okay, next chapter has Christmas Day in it and then I'll bring some drama back :)**

 **MaddazaHatter: I'm bringing back the action! I am trying to space _Civil War_ out farther into the story purely because the next movie with Cap will come out only in 2018 and that would mean a lot of fluff and self-made drama. And yes, lots more Wanda, don't worry!**

 **Anonymouscsifan: Yes; they love each other despite their faults and even more so, fight to correct their faults for their love. Bethany did a lot of that. Steve hasn't really grown in the same way so it's only natural that he's making more mistakes than she is.**


	5. Christmas

****A/N: Hey everyone... Sorry for being so MIA. I've been both busy and lazy.**

 **Anyways, if you haven't already (and you celebrate Christmas), let this chapter kick off your holiday season. You may be thinking, "hmm, that's early."**

 **NO IT IS NOT! Disney has started their Christmas parade, Home Alone has played multiple times on television already and it's already snowed in my home town.**

Chapter 5- Christmas

/ˈkrisməs/ noun. The annual Christian festival celebrating Christ's birth, held on December 25 in the Western Church.

* * *

Bethany could feel something soft and wet against her neck, pulling her from her slumber. When her thoughts were clear, her dream world having been completely faded away, she realized it was Steve's lips. His arms were wrapped around her and he was desperately trying to wake her up with intimacy opposed to words.

"No, stop," Bethany whined, still tired from the night before. Tony had forced Bethany up onto the makeshift stage with the band and made her sing four Christmas songs. It was only Jamie throwing a tantrum out of exhaustion that allowed her to get off the stage and leave the party. By the time they had got back to their house and placed all the presents under the tree and into the stockings, it was well after midnight. Peering through her tired lids at the alarm clock on her nightstand, she could see that it was just before seven. She groaned, trying to shimmy her body out of Steve's arms, but she was too tired to gather all her strength.

"Steve, it's too early, why are you doing this to me?" Bethany complained.

"I want to give you a gift before Jamie wakes up," he whispered to her.

She felt a spark of excitement flow through her body. Bethany turned in Steve's arms, looking at him with a grin. "A gift? To be given in private?"

Steve pulled a rectangle box out from behind his back, which Bethany snatched with the grubby hands of a child. "Jamie shows more restraint than you," Steve pointed out as Bethany began to pull the bow and paper off.

"Because he doesn't fully understand. Just you wait until he's older," She asserted, pausing when she saw the box. "A pregnancy test?"

"I know it's early," Steve began. "But it's been a week now, and it says it can detect pregnancy as early as six to seven days."

"After implantation," Bethany added, pointing this out on the instructions. "Which means it might not."

"Can you just go pee on the stick, Beth?" Steve pleaded, handing her a water bottle from his nightstand.

Bethany sighed, but got out of the bed anyways. "You know, I wasn't expecting _this_ ," she teased as she made her way to the bathroom. She closed the door and opened the water bottle. Downing it all as fast as she could, paired with the fact that she already had to go to the bathroom, she quickly opened the pregnancy test box, almost ripping it apart altogether. She couldn't help but jiggle her leg as she completed the test and waited for the result. She was looking at the clock on the wall, the second hand moving at an incredible slow pace. She heard the door opening, turning her head to see Steve, scratching the back of his neck.

"Two more minutes," Bethany told him as he took his place behind her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and meeting her gaze through the mirror.

"Relax," Steve told her softly, sensing the tenseness in her body and her increased heart rate. "If it's negative, we just keep having sex and taking tests."

"I know," Bethany said quietly, but she was nauseous with nerves. While she was excited, she was also scared. The issue was she couldn't figure out if she was more afraid of a positive or a negative. She knew she wanted a baby and Steve was fully on board now, but right now in the moment, a million scenarios were pulsing through her veins.

"Look at me," Steve whispered to her, turning her body around in his arms. Steve raised a hand to cup her face lightly, Bethany leaning into it. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I can't help it," Bethany replied, her words barely making a sound. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be," Steve shook his head before leaning down to kiss her. Taking a hold of her hips, he lifted her up onto the countertop and deepened the kiss. His hands moving up and down her legs were helping to ease the tension in her body. His lips moved down to her neck, continuing down until he reached the hem of her nightgown. He kneeled down, parting her legs and kissing up to the edge of her panty line. Bethany moaned lightly, her fingers weaving themselves into Steve's hair and holding tightly. She gasped as Steve kissed her center over her panties but they both quickly halted when they heard Jamie's voice.

Steve looked up at Bethany, a smirk on his face. "In here Jamie," Steve called out, Bethany leaning to the side so that Jamie could see her through the door. Jamie's little legs quickly moved into the bathroom, Steve pulling him into his arms before standing up.

"Good morning, Munchkin," Bethany smiled, leaning over to kiss his head. "Did you sleep well? Huh?"

Jamie nodded his head with a huge grin on his face, causing both Steve and Bethany to laugh. "We should let Wanda sleep a little longer before we wake her up," Steve decided. "Maybe have some breakfast and watch a Christmas cartoon?"

"Not a bad idea," Bethany nodded. "Assuming this little one doesn't decide to open his presents immediately."

"You and I both know that the real struggle will be keeping you from opening _your_ gifts," Steve teased, knowing that she had her eye on one gift in particular that Steve had placed under the tree the night before.

"Hardy-har-har," Bethany replied sarcastically, hopping off the countertop. "You two head down. I'm just going to change my underwear."

"Yes ma'am," Steve winked before leaving the room. Bethany stood at the countertop for a moment, breathing deeply, until she could no longer hear his footsteps. She slowly turned around, looking at the pregnancy test resting on the counter, which would reveal whether she'd be drinking wine or water with Christmas dinner.

* * *

Bethany couldn't keep herself from laughing as she opened her gift, pulling a brown leather jacket from it. Moments ago, Steve had unwrapped a similar one from Bethany. "Well, apparently I should have bought one for Jamie and then we'd all be matching," she laughed.

"I think Jamie is happy with his presents," Wanda responded, pointing to the toddler who was surrounded by a bunch of toys. Bethany had leaned on getting Jamie learning toys, some of which he had already started to play with. Molly was even enjoying Christmas morning, rolling around in the abundance of wrapping paper and chewing on boxes.

"It would make a cute family photo though," Bethany pointed out, reaching out to hug Steve. "Thank you. I love it. Now, it's Wanda's turn!"

The teen sat there as Steve picked up a particularly large box and placed it on her lap. Steve sat back down next to Bethany, the two of them curling up together. Wanda looked so touched and frankly, surprised, that they had placed so many gifts under the tree for her, and here was yet another one. "Steve thought this one up," Bethany began before Wanda pulled the bow off it. "I just wrapped it."

As with the other gifts, Wanda slowly opened the present up. The other boxes had contained typical teenage girl necessities like a new laptop, hair straightener, a bunch of black makeup _and_ clothes. It had been surprisingly easy for Bethany to shop for her. But one day Steve had come home after a mission, telling Bethany that sometimes when he was watching Wanda use her magic, he pictured her playing an instrument.

Wanda pulled the paper away to reveal a guitar box. A surprised gasp came from her as she pushed all the paper away, putting her hands on the box softly. "I love it," she whispered.

"Then why do you look so grim?" Bethany asked teasingly, but seriously needing to know. She didn't want Wanda to be unnecessarily sad today, even though she knew it would be hard on her because she didn't have her brother by her side.

"I'm just… overwhelmingly touched," Wanda explained, looking up to Steve. "Thank you."

"Merry Christmas," Steve told her with a smile. "Okay, there's one gift left. Well, technically two."

"Two?" Bethany asked, looking to the tree. There were no wrapped boxes left but Steve stood up anyways and went to the tree. Bethany frowned as Steve collected something from the mantle piece and scooped Jamie up from his circle of toys. When Steve flopped back down besides Bethany, he handed her two little boxes.

Bethany raised one eyebrow before opening the first box. A soft smile split her face when she saw that inside was a pearl earring. "I'm guessing this one matches?" Bethany asked, holding up the second box.

"One is from me, and one is from Jamie," Steve explained lovingly. "I know that you are attached to your diamonds that Howard and I got you, but I figured you might enjoy a new pair since it's been seventy-one years."

"I've had to get those things repaired a lot," Bethany chuckled, opening the second box. "I love them."

"Yeah?" Steve asked, making sure. "It won't hurt my feelings if you still prefer the diamonds."

Bethany reached out to take Steve's hand. "Babe, I love them."

"Good," Steve smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Well, I guess we're all done."

"Until Tony shows up with goodies," Bethany reminded him as they all got up, starting to collect the wrapping paper and boxes. Tony had bought Jamie one of those kiddie cars, stating that he wanted to give Jamie his first car. Bethany happened to know that the car was just one of many toys that Tony was bringing over. She was actually worried that they would run out of room for all the toys, but since Jamie's intelligence was fast-growing, he was getting too advanced for some of his old toys and no doubt would grow out of his new ones soon enough. Bethany was planning on keeping some selected toys for the next baby, while donating the rest.

As they cleaned up, Jamie started banging on the box for the baby piano. Bethany stopped what she was doing so that she could set the toy up for Jamie. Setting it up didn't take too long but finding the right batteries in the kitchen drawers took a good three minutes. When the batteries were in place, the keys sprung to life, a huge smile making its way onto Jamie's face. Wanda sat next to Jamie, showing him how the different keys made different sounds while Bethany finished helping Steve clean up.

"That was successful," Bethany declared quietly to Steve as they sat at the kitchen table. "That piano might soon become a mistake."

Steve chuckled, taking her hand in his. "I did warn you."

"Wanda loved her gift. Good job," Bethany congratulated, opening her mouth to say something more, but Steve began before she could get it out.

"Do you mind if I go down for a quick workout?" He asked. "You can say no if you need help with getting the house ready, but I'd like to just get this spare energy out and over with now."

"Uhh, yeah," She replied with a nod. "When you're done, can you start getting the turkey ready?"  
"Of course," Steve answered, kissing her forehead as he got up. "Thanks for all the gifts, Doll Face. I loved them all. Just like I love you."

"Mmmm, I love you too," Bethany replied softly before Steve began to move down the stairs. Bethany sat there for a moment, tapping her fingers against the wooden table top. She watched as Jamie continued to play with his little piano, his laughter erupting every few moments. Sitting next to Jamie, Wanda turned her head towards Bethany, as if she sensed her sadness. The Sokovian stood up, sauntering over to the kitchen table and sitting next to Bethany.

She reached out and took Bethany's hand, waiting until the blonde made eye contact. "Everything went perfect this morning," Wanda reminded her. "Why are you so distressed?"  
Bethany sighed, slipping her hand away from Wanda's and folding them in her lap. "I took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative, and now I have to tell Steve and I'm afraid to see his face. He was so excited when he gave it to me this morning."

"I didn't even know you two were planning on having another baby," Wanda replied. "I know you want more, but thought that Steve wanted to wait."

"I—I convinced him otherwise," Bethany explained with a soft smirk. "And now he's really excited. I mean, we've only been trying for a week, but I feel like we both just assumed it would be easy. Biologically, it _should_ be easy."

"Maybe you are pregnant," Wanda suggested with a slight shrug. "But maybe it's too early for the test to pick it up."

"That's honestly a very big possibility," the blonde agreed but couldn't help but still feel crestfallen. "But I just don't want to tell Steve. With Jamie, he had no idea. So if I took that test and it was negative, he wouldn't have even known. But this time, he has all this hope and excitement. I just hate to be the reason why he's upset."

"You aren't the reason," Wanda promised her, leaning closer to her. "He won't blame you."

"I still have to be the one to tell him," Bethany sighed. "And on Christmas, no less. When he wrapped that pregnancy test, I know that he was expecting me to take it, it would be positive and this day would be even more perfect than we expected."

"You could lie to him," Wanda suggested sheepishly. "Just for today."

"That would be even worse in the end," Bethany disagreed. "I have to tell him. And not wait until he asks either, since it'll just eat at me all day."

Wanda looked over her shoulder at Jamie before turning back around. "I can keep an eye on him and you can go tell him now. Get it over with."

Bethany let out a deep breath of air before nodding. "Thanks," she whispered, standing up but stilling. "Umm, Wanda? Can you not tell anyone about us trying to have a baby? The last thing I need is everyone just waiting. The added pressure will just make this worse."

Wanda was quiet for a moment, but her face said it all. She was _touched_ that Bethany was telling Wanda, and _only Wanda_ about this. Bethany knew that it seemed from the outside that she was personally closer to Kiley or Natasha. And sure, she had known them longer and been through a lot with both of them. But Wanda reminded her of herself. Bethany loved having Wanda under their roof. Never did she think of Wanda as a friend, but as a sister.

"O-of course," Wanda stuttered before giving Bethany a smile. The blonde reached out, touching Wanda's arm softly. Before she headed down to the workout room, she took a water bottle out of the cabinet and filled it with cold water. Walking down the stairs quietly, she could hear Steve's fists pounding into a punching bag. When he came into her view, she leaned against the wall, watching him quietly.

She waited until Steve noticed her, stilling his movements and giving her an adorable smile. "What's up?"  
Bethany raised the water bottle up before pushing off against the wall and walking towards him. "I thought you'd like some refreshment."

Steve accepted the water, taking a huge swig of water. "Thanks Doll." When Bethany didn't move, he knew that wasn't the only reason she was there. "What's really going on?" He asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Umm," Bethany began, twisting her fingers together in anxiousness. "The test was negative."

"Oh," Steve said at first. It wasn't a sad or disappointed 'oh'. It was just a normal 'oh', which caused Bethany to frown.

"'Oh'?" She questioned.

Steve shrugged, reaching out for one of her hands. "Like you said earlier, it's really early. We keep on trying. Which isn't exactly something either one of us are likely to complain about."

"True," Bethany allowed. "You're really not upset?"

"I mean, I would have loved to find out you were pregnant," Steve admitted. "But it's so early. Realistically, there's no real reason why I should be upset. Why? Were you worried that I would be?"

"Well, yeah!" Bethany exclaimed. "You were so excited this morning."

"I _am_ excited," Steve replied. "This is an exciting time for us. I don't want you to feel like I'm the one you have to tiptoe around during this time. We're in this together. Whether it takes another week, another month, or hell, another year… Doll, I'll be excited through it all. Okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, giving him a soft smile.

"What about you? Are you upset?"

"A little disappointed," Bethany responded truthfully with a soft shrug. "But it's way too early to be upset."

"So we're on the same page?" Steve asked, raising a brow and smiling at her. When she nodded to him, he whispered 'good' before pulling her in for a long, passionate kiss.

* * *

For a man who claimed to have an aversion to children, Tony sure knew how to spoil one. He arrived at the house in a large pickup truck, filled to the brink with toys. As Steve began to help Tony unpack everything, Bethany questioned whether they would have enough room for all the toys Tony had bought for Jamie.

"What? Buying the very last shelf from _Toys R Us_ was just _too much_?" Bethany questioned, balancing Jamie on her hip as Tony came through the door with a large box.

"Don't be ungrateful," Tony replied in a huff, heading towards the Christmas tree to place the box underneath it. Bethany followed closely behind him.

"There's a difference between being ungrateful and not being able to walk through your house because there's too many toys," Bethany pointed out as Tony placed the box down and turned to look at her with crossed arms.

"It's not my fault you didn´t build a bigger house," he retorted. "I did tell you to make it wider."

Bethany scoffed, shaking her head. "Yeah, and who's going to clean all that extra house space? _Me_."

"Get a maid," Tony replied with a shrug.

"I don't _want_ a maid," Bethany argued as Steve came in with another box. "I _want_ a normal life. This isn't all going to fit in his room. And I'm fine with him having some toys in the living room, but I would like it to live up to its name and be _livable_."

"You have all those spare rooms upstairs," Tony reminded her. "Make one of them his playroom."

"N-no," Bethany scoffed, losing her patience. "Tony, you don't get it. This isn't normal. Normal children don't have rooms specifically for their toys."

"I did," Tony fought back.

"And would you say you had a normal childhood?" Bethany asked, looking at Steve. "What do you think of this?"

Steve looked alarmed to be placed on the spot. "Uhh, I think it's generous of Tony," he replied after a moment.

Bethany stood there, shocked at his answer, Tony slipping by her to go get another present from the truck. "What was that?"

"I was doing what you asked me to do," Steve explained, stepping closer to her and placing his hands on her arms. "You asked for us to get along. It _is_ a little over-the-top, but it's not our money. He can do what he wants with it. And if he wants to buy our son a bunch of toys, then what's the harm?"

"Steve, I want Jamie to grow up being humble," Bethany reminded him before looking at the presents under the tree. "This is not going to teach him that. It's only going to make him feel like he can have whatever he wants, whenever he wants it."

"It's up to us to teach him to be humble," Steve replied to her softly. "And I think that we can do that. Just humour Tony, okay?"

Bethany let out a deep breath of air, nodding slowly. "Okay. Okay, you have a point."

"Steve, I'm gonna need your help on the last one," Tony called out as he came back in with another gift. "It's too big and heavy."

Bethany's eyes got wide, anger building up in her, but Steve gave her a calm down look. "Okay, I'll be right out," he told Tony before looking at Bethany. "Babe, calm down. Tomorrow, we'll decide which toys to keep and which toys to donate."

Bethany sat on the couch as Steve left to help Tony. She turned Jamie around so she could look at him. "Your Uncle Tony is hell-bent on making you a spoiled little brat," Bethany whispered to him. "I want to give you the world, Munchkin. _The entire world_. But I also know that if I give you everything, you won't learn the real lessons in life."

Jamie let out some childish garble, looking at his chubby little fingers, his head turning when he heard Steve come into the room, single-handedly carrying a miniature electronic car. "You've got to be kidding me," Bethany breathed as Steve put it down. "Tony, a car? Really?"

"It's my right to give my nephew his first car," Tony explained.

Bethany looked down to see Jamie's eyes wide, trained directly on the car. Bethany put him down, the boy immediately waddling over to the car and smiling at his dad. Steve picked Jamie up and slipped him into the car, Jamie's hands taking a hold of the steering wheel, a huge smile taking over his face.

"Okay, fine," Bethany allowed, seeing how happy Jamie was. "He can keep this one."

"What do you mean 'this one'?" Tony asked.

Bethany gestured around the room, almost completely filled with toys. "Kid, we can't keep them all. As much as we appreciate your love for Jamie, this is going a little overboard. We can't keep _everything_."

Tony went to argue, but Wanda came down the stairs with Pepper following her. Bethany wasn't exactly sure why the two of them slipped up the stairs, but she was too busy dealing with Tony to even care right now. "Pepper," Bethany called out in exasperation. "What the hell," she finished, gesturing to the room.

"You know how Tony is when it comes to gift giving," Pepper tried to explain.

Bethany rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what Pepper was talking about. Tony had this thought that the _bigger_ the better. The more _expensive_ the better. The more in _multitude_ the better. Pepper had once received an absurdly large, stuffed bunny. Bethany once got a seven thousand five hundred and seventy dollar set of Monopoly. Bethany hadn't even taken the wrapping off of it yet. She would have donated it to charity if it didn't have _some_ deep significance. They had played the board game often when Tony was little. But still… it was ridiculous all together. It was almost as bad as the fifty-thousand bottle of champagne she got for her birthday in 2001, but only because _damn,_ it was _really good_ champagne _._

"For you," Tony said, handing Bethany a small box. Bethany sighed, giving Tony a soft smile.

"Only the one?" Bethany teased, ripping the paper off and opening the jewelry box. On the velvet pad laid two strings of pearls; a bracelet and a necklace. The pearls on the necklace were larger than the bracelet, but Bethany immediately knew that they were meant to match with the pearls Steve and Jamie had got her. "Thanks kid," Bethany breathed, reaching in for a hug. Tony humoured her for a quick second before slipping from her arms and moving over to Steve.

Bethany touched the pearls delicately, smiling to herself. She was wearing her pearl earrings and her outfit was simple enough that she could add both the necklace and bracelet to her body without it look to chaotic. Suddenly, the fact that she could barely maneuver through her living room didn't matter that much. Tony's gifts may have had a history of being over-the-top, but Bethany knew they all came from a good spot and with Christmas, that was the most important thing to remember.

* * *

When it came the time to put Jamie to bed, Bethany told him that he could bring some of his new toys up to his bed with him. She waited as he wandered around the living room, studying all the toys, even stopping to play with a few of them. She didn't rush him at all, knowing that he still had some spare energy to burn. The rest of the family was still at the dining room table, finishing off their drinks and dessert, but Bethany wasn't really feeling in the mood either one of those. The day went off without a major hitch. In fact, everything played out exactly as she had wanted it to and she was thankful for that.

But she was _tired_. She wanted to go to sleep and stay that way for a week. She hadn't realized how tired the Christmas season had made her. And she knew that they'd be entertaining until the early hours the next morning. She wasn't twenty-two anymore. For the longest time, she was a night owl. She had thrived off of the nightlife. She was the farthest thing from an early bird. She still loved sleeping in and waking up half way through the morning, but she could barely keep her eyes open past ten now.

It was weird, but Bethany knew that this was an improvement in her life. She had some kind of structure and normalcy. She didn't have to pull late hours because she wanted to party and drink and have sex, nor because she had to work. And she didn't have to get up early because Steve did that, taking care of Jamie until either Bethany woke up or it got so late and he had to wake her. It seemed a little pathetic, and Bethany knew that her former self would laugh at her. But ever since Steve had returned to her life, they got married and conceived Jamie, Bethany wanted to be normal. Old Bethany could laugh as much as she wanted, but this Bethany was content with her life. Tired, but content and happy.

"Hey," Steve whispered, taking a seat next to Bethany on the couch. "Why don't you go get some more coffee and I'll wait around for him to finish."

"Too many toys," Bethany mumbled, staying in her seat and leaning her head against Steve's arm and letting out a yawn.

"Do you want to sneak up with Jamie and grab a quick nap?" Steve suggested, kissing the crown of her head.

"Don't tempt me," Bethany mumbled, sitting back up. "I'm gonna get some coffee though."

Bethany pushed off the couch, her eyes blurring as they begged her to get some sleep. She ignored the feeling though and moved to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet and took out a huge mug that Steve had gotten for Valentine's Day that read 'SIZE MATTERS'. It fit three cups of coffee and Bethany knew she would need _at least_ that much, especially since caffeine didn't have as much effect on her as a normal person. She placed the mug under the coffee machine, waiting for the coffee to brew. She couldn't help but feel her eyes roll back for a moment when she took in the sweet smell. It was like a shot of adrenaline, but as soon as her body was begging for air and she had to breath out, the spurt of energy disappeared.

"You're tired too?" Wanda asked her as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

Bethany rubbed her face, grateful that she wasn't wearing that much makeup. "Exhausted. But I feel bad asking everyone to leave. You staying here tonight?"

Wanda's eyes lit up, like they usually did when Bethany offered an invitation of inclusion. "Only if you're sure. I don't want to… get in the way."

Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, getting to what Wanda was referring too. She didn't really blame her. She always found ample excuses not to be in the same house as Howard when he was 'entertaining'. "You're good," she promised her. "And we'll let you sleep in tomorrow. Jamie was getting antsy and we didn't want to start without you."

"Well, it's not everyday I wake up to a toddler's hands on my face, saying my name," Wanda chuckled, looking over to the living room where Steve was picking Jamie up, having _finally_ come to a decision on what toys were coming upstairs with him. "I do love that boy."

"He loves you too," Bethany promised her. "I don't need a special ability to see that."

"Neither do I," Wanda replied. "Not with a boy like him. It's all in his eyes. His smile. His laugh. He's a boy full of love."

"Yeah," Bethany nodded, letting out a deep breath. "I hope he stays like that. With this life...? It's hard to keep that optimism. Even if Steve and I make our peace and leave, it'll still linger."

"I feel like if any two parents can do that- keep him loving and happy- it's you and Steve," Wanda promised. "The two of you have been through so much that you really value what you have. That'll have some effect."

Bethany smiled but winced when she heard Tony's voice rise from the dining room. "You know he's been through a lot too. And yet-"

"And yet he did this," Wanda said, gesturing to the living room. "He knows the value. He just exercises it differently."

"Alright, fine," Bethany agreed, a huge smile growing on her face when she saw that her coffee was done brewing. She began to fill her mug and then filled a second one when Wanda pulled out her own mug.

"Overall, today was successful," Wanda reported as Bethany pulled the milk from the fridge.

Bethany laughed, pouring a healthy amount of milk into her giant mug and passing it to Wanda. "No bones were broken, no cities have fallen and the yelling has been kept down to a minimum, so I would say it's much more than successful."

"That's how you rate successful holidays?" Wanda chuckled as she took the sugar out of the cabinet and offering it to Bethany, who shook her head. Bethany loved heaps of sugar in her tea, but even a grain in her coffee made it taste like syrup.

"When you've been around as long as I have, you learn that fist fights, national emergencies or raised voices, usually because of disagreements, tend to make a holiday gatherings very unsuccessful. Memorable, but unsuccessful," Bethany explained before taking a long drink from her mug. It was hot and burned her tongue and throat, but she didn't care. Her tongue and throat would heal. Her exhaustion would not go away in any other way.

"Either way, I'm happy I was here today," Wanda added softly.

"You're always welcomed here," Bethany promised her. "And I don't just mean here as in this house. Here as in this family. Okay?"

Wanda's eyes finally met Bethany's and she looked like she was on the edge of tears. Bethany placed her mug down, filled with her sweet, sweet, oh-so-sweet and beautiful coffee, to pull Wanda into her arms. She cradled her head, moving her other hand in soft and comforting circles on her back. Bethany knew what it was like to feel lost, not knowing where her place in the world was. If she could help Wanda find hers, it would make all those useless years of floating worth it.


	6. Lull

Chapter 6- Lull

 **/ləl/ noun. a temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity.**

* * *

As a joke, Natasha had bought Bethany knitting needles and yarn for Christmas. But despite it being a gag joke, Bethany had full intentions to knit Natasha a killer scarf. Steve had no idea that Bethany knew how to knit, let alone could knit _well_. It seemed like such an old maternal skill to have that mixing it with his wife in both the present and past seemed hilarious. But _nope_. She knew how to knit. Molly would sit next to Bethany while she pulled, twisted and tightened the yarn, reaching her paw out to touch it occasionally, or even bite at it. Through it all, the fat cat would purr loudly, content with this new development in the house. And of course, where Molly went, Jamie wasn't far behind. For the most part, he would sit next to Molly, patting her fur and talking to his mother, but he didn't yet possess patience. He would often wander off to the closest toy, playing with it until boredom took over.

The world had been fairly quiet that week, which worried Steve. He was grateful that he got to spend Christmas and the days following it with his family, deciding not even to go to the Facility. But he could feel that something was off. That this silence wasn't his enemies deciding to lay low and enjoy the Christmas holiday, but that they were planning something. Something _big_. He had voiced his concerns to Bethany, who had said very little on the matter. He knew that this meant that she agreed with him but didn't want to think about it. He dropped the subject after that, knowing that she wanted to enjoy the quiet while they still had it.

"You're almost done?" Steve asked in surprise as he sat next to her on the couch.

"All I've been doing for almost two days," She reminded him with a chuckle. "Of course I'm almost done. My fingers are starting to ache a little."

"Take a break," Steve suggested. "We can play a game. Start taking down the decorations. Watch a movie."

Bethany put her knitting down, cracking every single one of her fingers before replying. "I guess we should take the decorations down," she agreed, but it was evident in her voice that she didn't want to. "It's amazing how fast time flies by, isn't it? One day it's December 1st and the next, Christmas is over. All the beautiful decorations, the secrecy and excitement of gift giving and the entire magical air are just… _gone_.

"There's always next year," Steve reminded her. "And next year will be even better. Even more memorable."

"And why's that?" Bethany asked, not following his meaning.

"Because we'll have another baby. Another first Christmas," Steve explained.

"Oh," Bethany voiced, nodding lightly before picking up her knitting again. Silence fell over the room and awkwardness settled in.

"Beth, do you not want another baby anymore?" Steve asked, confused. A few days ago, she was over the moon excited, but ever since she took that first pregnancy test, she seemed distant.

"No, it's not that," She promised him with a sigh. "I'm just trying not to get my hopes up."

She offered him a smile, and while it was small, Steve knew it was a truthful one. "I'm just making sure," he told her, leaning in to kiss her temple before getting off the couch and settling next to Jamie on the living room floor. Santa had bought him a wooden train set and Jamie was struggling to put the pieces together. He had yet to understand that each piece was curved and that not all pieces would easily be placed together.

"Here," Steve began, taking two pieces and placing them together. Jamie's fingers ran over where they connected before looking up at his dad with a smile. Steve picked up another piece, handing it to Jamie to see if he would figure out if it connected to the right or left side of the track. As Jamie began to study the end of the track, Steve looked around the room. They hadn't done any cleaning since Christmas. Boxes were scattered all over the room and it was still packed with toys.

"We should really clean up," Steve voiced, looking up at Bethany.

"I know, I'm just too lazy," Bethany admitted with a chuckle. "So many toys, though. Is it wrong to give some of them away?"

"Your reasons are good ones," he promised her. "And some little boy or girl will have toys to enjoy. Plus, there's a lot of toys he doesn't play with anymore."

"Fair enough, but if we're going to have more kids, shouldn't we pack them away? Keep them so we don't have to buy new ones?"

"How about we just go through them and donate either duplicates or toys that are really similar? I have a feeling Tony will be buying our future children just as many toys anyways."

"I shudder to think," Bethany mumbled, causing Steve to chuckle. She placed her knitting back down on the couch, right beside Molly's fat body before sighing. "Okay, let's get on with this before the world goes back to hell."

"Good incentive," Steve teased her, getting up from the ground and holding his hand out for her. She took it, pulling herself up. "Where do you want to start?"

"Empty boxes?" Bethany suggested. "We can't take the tree down until there's more room."

"Sure thing," Steve nodded, finding the biggest box and placing it in a relatively clean area of the room. Bethany watched him for a moment, unsure of what he was going to do, but laughing as he picked Jamie up and placed him inside the box. Even standing up, only Jamie's eyes could be seen over the edge of the box. "That'll keep him in one area for a few minutes."

"I doubt it," Bethany chuckled, shaking her head.

* * *

Kiley raised an eyebrow at the living room, still in chaos from Christmas as Bethany brought her tea over. "I see Jamie got spoiled," Kiley voiced.

"You think?" Bethany asked sarcastically, shaking her head as she sat next to her on the couch. "Tony felt it necessary to buy almost every single toy from Toys'R'us."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" She asked honestly. "Other than that, good Christmas?"

"Weird Christmas," Bethany admitted. "I basically got everything I wanted, and I mean more than just gifts. There was no fighting between Steve and Tony and no world trouble, but it was just… weird. I can't really explain it. But what about you?"  
"Normal Christmas with the folks," Kiley replied. "With a lot of questions about Sam."

"So you told them?" Bethany asked, knowing that Kiley had planned on keeping that on the down low.

"It slipped," Kiley revealed.

"And what did you tell them?"

Kiley shrugged, but her soft smile gave her away. "That I liked him. That he's sweet and trustworthy and makes me feel like Haley James from _One Tree Hill_. It wasn't until I was describing him and telling them about him that I realized just how much I like him."

"That's really great, Kiley," Bethany replied happily.

"Yeah, but then I started thinking about where we were in our relationship and where I wanted it to go, and then I got scared," Kiley explained. "We've been taking it slow and now I'm not sure if I want to."

"He's taking it slow for your sake, believe me," Bethany chuckled. "Sam's a gentleman, but if you make the right move, he'll take it."

"It's been awhile," Kiley admitted. "Like… A long while."

"So?" Bethany shrugged. "Sex is like riding a bike. Trust me, I went sixty-some years of no sex. Granted, it was uncomfortable at first, but I knew what to do."

"But… how do we get there?"

"You are not asking me that," Bethany deadpanned. "Have you never watched a romcom? You just make out a lot until you take off your clothes and have sex. Just make sure you have condoms and you're good to go."

"Why do you make it sound so easy?" Kiley asked, slightly amazed and slightly horrified.

"You're not a virgin," Bethany began. "So you don't need to have that awkward first-time talk with Sam. And if you're willing and he's willing, there's no reason to sit down and talk before. You'll probably just psyche yourself out. Although, if you _were_ a virgin, I'd advise the opposite. Talking is definitely mandatory in that case. If not, it's very awkward afterwards, take that from someone who knows first hand."

"You didn't talk before your first time?"

Bethany shook her head, taking a sip of her tea. "Nope. I just went with it. Then it was really awkward during and after sex. And Steve wanted to talk before we had sex and we did a little bit, but I just wanted to go at it. I was a little afraid that he'd say too much and change my mind. He almost did, to be honest."

Kiley frowned. "How so?"

"He started talking about commitment and love and little old me back then got really scared about that, but I knew that I really wanted to have sex with him. And then _having_ sex with him made me realize just how much he actually cared about me. Then it really wasn't about just having sex anymore. Although we did do that. A lot. But that's not the point."

"So… you're telling me _not_ to talk to Sam about sex?" Kiley asked, trying to summarize her rambles.

" _Only_ if you're sure," Bethany clarified. "Sorry, that got a little lost. If you're like, 'yes, this is exactly what I want'. But if you're unsure, then you talk. I'm sorry, I should maybe get these facts straight before I give my children the sex talk."

Kiley chuckled, smiling at her friend. "Okay, I'll keep all that in mind."

"You'd think after talking to Jen, it would be easier to explain my thoughts," Bethany mumbled to herself. Jen had called her in a panic not too long ago, worried about what it meant to be in a relationship with a girl. Bethany had _one_ experience with another woman, and although another man was present at the time and Bethany was extremely drunk—pre-rapid cellular regeneration of course—she didn't really have anything bad to say about it. Being with another woman was _strangely_ easier than being with a man. She attributed this to the fact that she knew what the other woman wanted because it was what _she_ wanted. But she didn't always know what men wanted. Although, she had quickly learned that most guys just wanted to pound their dicks into something, and cared very little what it was.

"How's that relationship going?" Kiley asked with curiosity.

"Pretty good, I think. Jen and Theo are still at Javan's family's place. She and Javan seem to be in a good place, but Theo is starting to realize that his mom is dating another woman and is confused. Steve talked to him yesterday, and I think he's okay with it, just still trying to wrap his head around it."

"I guess that would be confusing for him," Kiley nodded. "For a while, I thought she and Jackson were going to get together."

"So did I," Bethany admitted. "I never thought that Jen would fall for a woman. But I've never seen her this happy, so I'd say it's working out."

"Are they going to be back for New Year's Eve?" Kiley asked. She was planning the event at the Avengers' Facility and still working out the last minute details.

"They're supposed to arrive back that morning," Bethany confirmed. "I'm really excited for this bash. Steve is a little apprehensive, but I think that's because he's learning how much he likes having smaller celebrations."

"Tell him it'll be low-key," Kiley promised. "There'll be a lot of people there, but it'll be under control. No wild swinging from the chandelier or loud music. It's more on the mature side. You know, completely different from a Tony Stark New Year's Eve party."

"He'll be happy to hear that," Bethany chuckled.

* * *

Steve was struggling to push Jamie's stroller through the tightly packed halls of the mall. It didn't help that the already large stroller had shopping bags attached to it, as well as their jackets, scarves, hats and mittens thrown on it. Their day out had started with donating some of Jamie's toys and some clothes the family decided they no longer wanted and ended up with Bethany convincing Steve that there were some things they had to shop for. He knew that there wasn't—his wife just had a small, but serious, shopping addiction. He humoured her, however, since the post-Christmas sales were actively catching his eyes.

Jamie was starting to get a little fussy, not liking having been strapped to his stroller for close to three hours now, with only the elephant Natasha gave him to play with. He was trying to wiggle out of the restraints and when they were in stores, would grab at anything he could. Steve knew that they would need to leave soon, but every time he brought it up to Bethany, she would reply with "just one more store, babe" and each time, he believed her. At this point, he wasn't sure _why_ he kept agreeing with her, but she seemed to think that Jamie could deal with being strapped in for countless more stores.

"Okay, just in here and then we can go," Bethany added, pointing to the _Victoria's Secret_ sign. Steve looked at her pointedly, silently challenging her. "Steve, you know I need more underwear. It won't be long."

"That's what you said at the last store," He mumbled to himself, following her into the store. A few years ago, he would have felt extremely uncomfortable in the store. Everywhere he looked, there were bras, lingerie sets and panties galore. But things were different now, and he didn't let himself feel awkward. He knew that it was a necessity of a woman's life and he wasn't going to shy in order to make sure his wife got those necessities.

Jamie's hand grabbed at the silk of a baby doll lingerie top, giving it a firm tug. "Hey, no," Steve quickly jumped, unwrapping Jamie's fingers from the material and pushing the stroller back a little bit so that he couldn't grab it again. "Beth-"

"Almost done," She snapped before he could finish. Steve sighed, deciding to give Jamie a few moments of relief by pulling him out of the stroller. Jamie's legs kicked against Steve's arms, trying to twist his body so that he could get down, but Steve held onto him tightly. If he put him down, he would be a tornado, running wild around the delicate looking store.

"Behave," Steve told Jamie strictly, but the toddler continued to fuss around, making whining sounds.

Bethany sighed, looking at Steve. "Why don't you take him for some ice cream?" She suggested.

"Do you think he really needs more energy?" He replied, thinking about how he would act after a sugar high.

"We're leaving right after," Bethany promised.

Steve shook his head. "We still have the car ride back."

"Steve," she began bluntly. "Just go get him some ice cream."

Steve mumbled under his breath, handing Bethany her purse from the top of the stroller before taking it with one hand and leading it outside the store. "I promise I won't let her take you clothes shopping for another two months," Steve whispered to Jamie.

"Down, Daa-dee," Jamie cried, but he kept a tighter hold on his son. He was getting some looks as Jamie continued to fuss about, clearly not caring what people thought and frankly, neither did Steve. He had seen kids throw worse tantrums than this. At least Jamie wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs. _That_ would be embarrassing.

Finding the ice cream shop, he ordered a cone for himself and a smaller vanilla cone for Jamie before finding a place to sit in the cafeteria. Jamie sat on Steve's lap, his mood completely changing as Steve handed him his ice cream cone. A sense of peace washed over Steve as Jamie was finally happy and calm. He smiled when he saw Bethany making her way over to them, a small pink bag in her hand.

"See, I told I wouldn't be long," Bethany said before sitting down beside Steve and reaching out to push some of Jamie's curls away from his face.

"Yup, I heard," Steve replied calmly, keeping it to himself that she had also said that in the previous ten stores.

"He's better now," Bethany noticed. "Hopefully he'll stay like this in the car ride home.:

"Hopefully," Steve agreed.

She frowned, cocking her head to the side. "Is something wrong?"

"No," he promised her. "Just mentally exhausted."

Bethany sighed, looking at the stroller that was covered in shopping bags. "I went a little overboard, didn't I?"

"A little," Steve replied with a soft smile. "But shopping makes you happy, so it's okay at the end of the day."

"Shopping doesn't make me happy. New things do," Bethany explained. "It's a totally normal thing. Everything was a necessity though."

Steve gave her that. Most of the clothes were for him or Jamie anyways, but Bethany had been the one to pull them into the stores. "Do you want to pick something up for dinner?"

"Yeah, I'm a little tired of Christmas leftovers."

"Me too," he nodded. "What do you feel like?"

"Pizza, honestly," she told him. "Something greasy and simple."

Steve went to open his mouth when a loud squeal came from behind him, causing him to jump. "Bethany?"

"Samantha?" Bethany said, clearly surprised, the woman moving over to pull Bethany into a tight hug.

Steve frowned, having no idea who this woman was, but by the look on Bethany's face, she clearly thought she'd never see this woman again. "Oh my god! I haven't seen you in years!"

"Yeah, no kidding. Umm… 2004?" Bethany offered before sighing. "Wow, that was a long time ago. Um, Steve. This is a friend of mine from when I was doing undercover work for SHIELD."

"Oh?" Steve asked, looking at the woman. She had this peppy look about her, but she was _young_. In fact, she looked no older than Bethany did.

"Of course, nobody _knew_ that you were undercover. Not until you revealed your identity to the world that is! Everyone just thought you really _did_ disappear when your father moved to some small African nation for work. Oh! We won Cheerleading finals that year, by the way. Turns out we didn't need your amazing flips and turns after all."

Steve looked at his wife in confusion and Bethany scratched the side of her head awkwardly. "Yeah, sorry about that. But I finished my assignment, so I had to leave. Besides, I wasn't sixteen."

"You fooled all of us," Samantha laughed. "Listen, I'm on my way to pick up my phone from the Apple Store. My stupid brother drunkenly threw it against the wall on Christmas. But here's my business card. Call me sometime, and we can get together!"

"Yeah, sure," Bethany smiled, accepting the card. "It was nice seeing you!"

When Samantha left, Steve continued to stare at Bethany waiting for an explanation. She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to avoid this conversation. "Look, Fury needed someone to go to high school, become friends with this girl on the cheerleading squad, get invited over to her house and find out what her father was up to. He was running a _huge_ illegal tech ring, stealing top secret weapons from multiple countries. It took me four months to finally get invited into the house."

"And you made the cheerleading squad, I hear?" Steve chuckled, picturing her in a cheerleading outfit.

"Yes," Bethany grumbled under her breath. "I hated that assignment and begged Fury to put someone else in my spot, but I was the best agent for the job because I looked young enough and wasn't a newbie."

"Makes sense," Steve allowed. "Do you have any pictures?"

Bethany kicked Steve's shin, to which he let out a quick 'ow'. "That hurt, Beth!"

"So does this memory walk, so let's stop, okay?" Bethany said sternly.

"Sure, sure," Steve replied, but couldn't help but chuckle under his breath.

* * *

Bethany was tapping her armrest obsessively, her impatience for traffic being quite obvious. Steve felt like she was going to jump out of her skin at any moment and attack someone. "Explain to me how you lived in the city for so long?" Steve asked, knowing that this traffic wasn't even that bad considering it was the lull between Christmas and New Year's and the snow was definitely not helping the traffic situation.

"I walked a lot," Bethany mumbled under her breath. "At least Jamie is asleep."

"Which is surprising considering how much energy he had," Steve continued. "But if he was whining, I'm pretty sure you would throw your fist through the window in frustration."

"Probably," Bethany allowed, clenching her hands for a moment before letting out a loud and annoyed sigh. She leaned back into her seat, slipping down a little bit to find a more comfortable spot. "I don't care how much attention it draws; we're taking the quinjet next time."

"No, we're not," Steve replied sternly.

"Yes, Steve."

"Beth… No," Steve disagreed. "You can do to earn a little more patience in life."

"I'm plenty patient," Bethany argued back. "Maybe not in this particular situation, but lots in others."

"Such as?" Steve challenged.

Bethany was quiet for a moment before she replied casually with "sex."

Steve couldn't keep his laughter to himself, his booming laugh filling the car. Bethany hit him, telling him to keep it down. He attempted to stifle his laughter, but was unable to. "No, try again. You are not patient during sex."

"Yes, I am!" Bethany protested, this time earning a 'shhh' from Steve. "Sometimes you let foreplay go on forever."

"And each and every time, you're impatient. I've told you to be patient every single time, and don't you dare deny that."

By her crossing her arms and mumbling under her breath, he knew he had her. "I sure was patient as hell waiting for you to come back," Bethany grumbled, looking out the window.

Steve sighed, his shoulders falling a little as he realized that she was right. When she first told him that she was faithful to his memory throughout those years while he was in the ice, he was shocked. In fact, he had some doubts about it, just because he knew her well… Or at least, he thought he did. But now, he understood that Bethany _did_ wait for him. She had chance after chance to move on, and she chose not to. Whether it was due to guilt, depression, or just holding out for that little bit of hope that he'd be back, he knew that she _had_ waited.

Reaching out to touch her thigh, he gave her leg a tender squeeze. He waited until she turned her head to look at him, her face still showing her dissatisfaction with both the conversation and the traffic situation. "You're right. I'm sorry. And I love you for your patience."

While her facial features did not lighten, her eyes seem to soften a little. "Yeah, you better."

"I love you for your stubbornness too," Steve teased her lightly. "And your defensiveness. Your ability to see the best out of people, or even just know if they have no goodness in them."

"Yeah?" Bethany asked, starting to lighten up a little. "What else?"  
"You know what? The thing I love the most about you is the fact that you aren't afraid to speak what's on your mind. To do what you want to do. It gets you into trouble a lot, and don't get me wrong, all those previous qualities I mentioned often drive me nuts, but it also keeps our life interesting. I'm still learning new things about you and enjoying that everyday, no matter how repetitive it is, is still exciting."

A smile finally pulled at Bethany's lips. She leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. "I'd say I try to do all that, but I think you know me well enough by now to know that that isn't true."

Steve laughed again, spotting the green light in front of him and slowly pulling into the intersection. "I wouldn't question that for a second," he agreed before something from the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned his head, spotting a large truck barrelling into the intersection. Before Steve even had time to react, it hit the passenger side of the car _hard_ , sending the car spinning. Steve quickly focused on getting the car to halt, trying to ignore the scream from Bethany as the glass from her window shattered around her and Jamie's cries of terror filled the car.

When the car came to a screeching halt, he looked at Bethany quickly, his heart in his throat. Most of the body of the car was folded in, trapping Bethany's body in unnatural ways, the glass from the window stuck in various parts of her body, but she was conscious. Moaning, she struggled against her seat, trying to turn her head to look at Jamie. Steve quickly got out of the car as civilians began to gather around the car. "Stay back!" Steve instructed them, but they didn't exactly listen to him. He could hear some people telling him that they were calling 911, but he was focused mostly on Jamie. When he opened the back door, he couldn't help but smile when he saw that besides being severely rattled, Jamie was completely fine.

"It's okay," Steve cooed to Jamie, working to pull him from his car seat. "He's fine, Beth," he yelled over Jamie's cries. Bethany raised her left hand up, giving him a firm thumbs up to let him know she got the message.

Steve pulled Jamie from the car, checking him over once more to settle his mind. Jamie turned his head back towards the car, catching Bethany's pinned and broken body before his cries got even worse, yelling loudly for his mom. "Hey, she's fine," Steve tried to assure his boy, grabbing the stuffed elephant from the car, trying to use it to soothe Jamie. His chubby fingers took hold of the elephant, but he continued to cry.

"Baby, I'm fine," Bethany yelled out, her voice seeming to reassure Jamie enough to stop yelling loudly.

"Steve!" He heard a familiar voice call out from the crowd. Steve turned to see Sam pushing his way through the crowd. "Here, let me hold him while you get her out."

Steve nodded, knowing that Bethany needed to be released before her body went into shock. Not to mention, it would help settle Jamie when his mother was all healed and coherent. Handing Sam the baby, he moved over to the passenger side and began to pull at the door. It took three tries to get the entire door off of her, but he was finally able to pull her from the car. Steve sat on the ground, Bethany resting in his lap, wincing as she moved forward to fix her foot, which was currently facing the wrong direction. He watched as some of her cuts began to to close up. Steve caressed her face lightly, smiling down at her.

"Why do you keep having these near-death experiences?" He teased her.

She smiled up at him, intertwining her hand with his. "It keeps life interesting," she said, relating it back to their previous conversation.

"How do you feel?"

Bethany surveyed her body before shrugging. "I need another minute or two, but I'll be fine. I do want to see Jamie though."

"Yeah, of course," Steve replied, understanding her concern. She wanted to see him to survey his wellbeing for herself. He sat her up against the car before looking back into the crowd for Sam. He frowned for a second when he couldn't find him, taking out his cell phone and dialing Sam's number.

 _"Hey man, what's up?"_ Sam asked when he picked up, causing Steve to frown. It was quiet on the other line.

"Sam?" Steve began, his heart hammering. "Where are you?"

 _"At the Facility. Why?"_

Steve looked down at Bethany who was casually looking at the cuts on her arm, pulling shards of glass out like it was just a stray hair lying on her sweater. Steve's gaze on her, causing her to look up. "What's wrong?"

"Beth…" Steve began, his worst fears starting to eat at him. "Beth, the man who took Jamie… it wasn't Sam. He's gone."

* * *

 ****A/N: Tell me how much you hate me.**

 **anonymouscsifan: See, I'm Canadian so we had our Thanksgiving over a month ago... So we have no "guidelines" on when Christmas is supposed to start. But we go all out at my house. Two Christmas trees (3 if you count our jello shot Christmas tree) and 30 nutcrackers... Yes, you read that right. I have no chill when it comes to Christmas. I have 5 ugly Christmas sweaters... and a Mrs. Claus dress... I only have a handful of assignments left, having finished 90% of them by now, so I'm hoping that this'll mean I can relax and write a little more.**


	7. Gone

****A/N: Long author's note at the bottom to explain my absence. But I figured most of you would want to read what's next :)**

Chapter 7- Gone

 **/ɡôn/ adjective. no longer present; departed.**

* * *

 _He's gone_. Those two words, those earth-shattering words continued to echo in Bethany's head as she stared blankly at the ground in a catatonic state. _He's gone_.

She felt as if someone had reached down her throat, took an iron hold grip on her heart and was constantly squeezing it. She could _literally_ feel her heart being crushed into a million little pieces as the seconds ticked by and Jamie was still missing. _He's gone_.

Bethany was briefly aware that they were in the main control room at the Avenger's Facility, but she had no recollection of how she got there. But she didn't care. Not in the slightest. _He's gone_.

Someone was rubbing her back. _Not Steve_ , her thoughts slowly stitched together. The hand was too large, too _soft_ to be Steve's. She knew it was a woman's hand, but she didn't know who's. And she didn't care. _He's gone._

Nausea welled up in her stomach as her emotions, her anxiety and panic for her son's health and wellbeing overwhelmed her again. She could feel bile rise up her throat, into her stomach and spill through her lips as her body began to shake. Someone placed a trash bin on her lap, but she didn't know who. She didn't care. _He's gone_.

She couldn't hold her tears back. She couldn't breathe. She felt like someone else was controlling her body, telling it what to do and how to act. She felt like she was falling before her side hit something hard. She couldn't seem to stop the shaking and crying. But she didn't care. _He's gone_.

Soft hands touched her face, lifting her head up to rest on something soft. She could hear voices but could not make out words. She didn't care. _He's gone._

Then suddenly, everything left of her vision was replaced completely. She was in a hospital room, the colours surrounding her vivid, warm and welcoming. A sense of calm replaced her anxiety and panic. She heard a soft cooing sound from her arms, looking down to see a blue bundle in her arms. The child was barely a day old, his face still red and scrunched up, but in every single way, he was _perfect_.

"Hey," Bethany said softly to her boy, a tired smile on her face. Her legs were sore, her core aching, but her heart light. She felt like she was flying as she cradled her son to her body. "You're here. You're finally here."

To actually _hold_ him in her arms, to feel his skin against hers and hear his soft mews… she had never been that happy before. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. As if her life was in a constant state of mediocrity until this very moment, with her beautiful baby boy. "Love doesn't seem to be a big enough word to describe how I feel when I look at you," Bethany whispered. "My sweet, baby. My Jamie."

His heavy eyes fluttered, looking up at his mother. Everything in this world was brand new to his sweet eyes. His eyes were filled with curiosity and wonderment whenever they flickered to something new, but when they were looking at Bethany, he seemed to _know_ exactly who she was. That she would keep him safe.

"Yes, I will," Bethany cooed to him. "I'll keep you safe every single moment, of every single day. Yes…"

Jamie fussed slightly, struggling in the cocoon he was wrapped within. Bethany hushed him lovingly, rocking him gently in her arms, lifting his head up so she could place a kiss to his forehead. "Would you like me to sing to you?" Bethany whispered to him, softly brushing her thumb against his cheek. "I know you're sleepy. Will that help you sleep? Hmm?"

She took in a deep breath, racking her brain through songs that she felt fit the situation. Over the months, she had sung a wide variety of songs to her unborn baby, but now it was different. He was in her arms now. _"I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never mean to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you."_

* * *

Steve watched as Wanda slowly caressed Bethany's face. She had been one hundred percent unresponsive since he told her that Jamie was missing. She went from saying nothing, to crying hysterically, to making herself sick on a repetitive circle for hours before she fell from her chair. Steve had _begged_ Wanda to use her magic over her, to keep her from suffering more than she already was. It seemed to be working as Bethany relaxed calmly in Wanda's arms, no worries present on her sleeping face.

Steve sighed, looking back to the large computer screen in front of him. They had been looking for Jamie for close to fourteen hours now and they were coming up blank. Steve's frustration was starting to get the better of him. He felt like he had failed his son once again. He willingly handed him off to someone who disappeared with him. He kept going through the entire scenario, trying to find subtle things he should have considered, seeing his mistakes over and over again.

"We'll find him," Sam reminded Steve, putting a comforting hand on his back.

"This is all my fault," Steve whispered, mostly to himself, but Sam caught it.

"No, it's not," Sam promised. "Listen, whoever did this, they had it planned out _really_ well. They knew what they were doing, knew where you would be and knew the only way to make sure you'd leave him unsupervised. Sorry about that, man."

"That's not your fault," Steve sighed. Sam had been devastated when he heard that the kidnapper had programmed a photographic veil to look like him.

"Do you think it's HYDRA?" Sam asked suddenly.

Steve crossed his arms, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. He was starting to get a headache, but he kept pushing it back. His wellbeing was dead last on his to-do list. "I don't know. We know that they have an interest on Jamie, but they certified that they wanted to wait until he was older. I always assumed that meant when he was a teenager. I mean, they could have changed their minds. Or it could be someone else."

"Which doesn't ease your mind any less," Sam concluded. "Not knowing their end game."

"And the fact that there is more than one group of people interested in a toddler," Steve added before shaking his head. "He's a kid! He can barely walk without waddling and still hates bath time!"

He knew that people around the room were looking at him, but he didn't care. They were all there to help them find Jamie. "I know, man," Sam replied solemnly before pulling him in for a comforting hug. Steve didn't realize just how much he needed a hug, to spend just a moment leaning on someone else as the weight of the world was heavily weighing on him.

"Steve?" Kiley asked timidly. Steve pulled away from Sam, looking at the petite blonde who had barely stopped moving since the news reached her ears. But through it all, she had avoided him, like she was trying to stay out of his way. "The fourteen-hour mark just hit."

Steve nodded slowly. The police had suggested that they waited before they told the public and Steve had agreed for a number of reasons. Firstly, they were silently hoping for a ransom demand. It would be the easiest way to get Jamie back, and it would mean that these kidnappers only took Jamie for the money. Although, with how much effort went into their plan and on making sure that they remained hidden during those long hours, it didn't seem to be that simple. Secondly, they didn't want to prematurely contact the public and let them know Jamie was missing. It would lead to a lot of speculation that they just wanted to completely avoid. Thirdly, they didn't want to chance bringing the public into this jeopardizing Jamie's health.

But with fourteen hours passing and no demands or instructions being made, they had to start thinking about their next step. It frustrated Steve that they couldn't find him. They had the top security and surveillance system in the world, and yet none of their technology could pick up Jamie's whereabouts. Enough time had passed for Steve to know that Jamie could very well be _anywhere_. He felt sick thinking about how terrified the toddler had to be. He hadn't been without his parents in a _very_ long time. Steve was trying to remember if Jamie had _ever_ been left alone for that long.

"Release the photo," Steve instructed Kiley. She offered him a soft smile in return, a sad one that was trying to cheer him up, but it was obvious that she was just as heartbroken about the little boy being gone.

Steve slipped his phone out of his pocket, opening the lock screen and looking at the picture that he had previously sent Kiley. The police asked for the most recent photo of Jamie that showed his most prominent features. He had taken a picture of Jamie before they went shopping, clutching onto his elephant stuffed toy with a large smile. Steve could feel his throat tighten, but he pushed back his tears and need to desperately cry. He needed to stay strong right now. Bethany couldn't and one of them had to.

He looked back towards where Wanda was comforting his wife as she was lost in a dreamland. He hadn't seen her like this _ever_. He had witnessed her in a lot of pain in the past, but nothing like this. It was as if she forgot _how_ to function. As if her ability to breath, think, speak and act relied purely on Jamie being in her arms. He couldn't help but wonder if she was like this when he went under. He really hoped not. But he understood why she was like that now. If he could, he'd be doing the exact same thing.

"We'll find him," Sam promised him, giving his shoulder a firm and comforting squeeze before walking off in the direction Kiley had disappeared to. Tony's raised voice caught his attention, but he didn't have the energy to tell Tony to stop yelling at the technicians. Every member of the team was there, except for Natasha who was still at Clint's farm, having extended her time away. Steve had considered calling her earlier, but didn't. As much as he wanted her support and fiery passion, he just couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone and call her. He knew how much Jamie meant to her and he didn't want to break another heart just yet.

Leaning against a wall, Steve looked at the photo album on his phone dedicated to Jamie. He knew he was purposely putting himself through torture, but he felt like he _had_ to see Jamie's face. He picked out an older photo and smiled softly to himself. His sleeping face was resting casually, his lips parted softly and his curls wild.

When Jamie was just a newborn, still sleeping in the co-sleeper, Steve would feel a twinge of jealousy that Jamie was sleeping next to Bethany and not him. He understood why it was typical to place the co-sleeper next to the mother's side of the bed. After nine—or eight in Jamie's case—months of being inside their mother, with her through every moment of the day, every breath, every emotion, every shared memory, he could imagine that it would be difficult for both mother and child to be separated for just a few moments.

When Jamie and Bethany were soundly sleeping, Steve would carefully crawl out of bed, pull the blinds open a little to bring some light into their dark bedroom and sit next to the co-sleeper. On most days, Jamie would be facing his mother, and Bethany would be facing her son. It was as if the last thing they saw before they fell asleep were each other's faces, and hopefully the first thing when they woke up. But on some nights, Jamie's head would face the opposite way, giving Steve the ability to see his sleeping face much easier. His cheeks were always rosy while he slept, his breathing even and his fingers mere inches from his parted mouth. Sometimes, if he was confident enough that Jamie was deep enough in his sleep, he would reach over or through the bars of the co-sleeper and touch his soft hands, cheeks or beautiful blond curls. It was a father-son bonding moment that Jamie had no idea he was a part of, but Steve had always loved those little moments between them. He had never even mentioned it to Bethany. It was something he wanted just for him and Jamie, since he knew that Bethany and Jamie had little moments to themselves.

* * *

Bethany was aware of a hand slowly moving up and down her arm, but knew it was no longer Wanda's but Steve's. She let her heavy eyes flutter open, reality setting in. _He's gone_ , her thoughts echoed, but she pushed them away. She didn't want to fall back into a depressed catatonic state. She began to sit up in Steve's arms, catching his attention. He released her body, but kept his hands close to her, watching what she would do. She settled down next to him against the wall, looking around the room. It was buzzing with activity, full of people trying to find their son, and here they were, leaning against the wall.

"I feel so helpless," Bethany admitted to Steve, gesturing to the room. "Just sitting here, doing nothing. But I can't-"

"I know," Steve interrupted, taking her hand in his and giving it a tight squeeze. "I was so angry. And then sad. And now… I just feel…"

"Helpless," Bethany finished. "I want to get up. I want to help. I want to strangle every person until I find him but I just—I can't. I physically can't."

Steve lifted their intertwined hands up to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. "We'll find him. Billions of people are now looking for him. We have the world's best resources. We'll find him, Beth."

"What if it's too late?" Bethany asked exasperatedly. "What if we find him and…" She trailed off, her mouth still opened, as if the words were stuck in her throat. "No, Steve. I can-I can't lose him!"

"And we're not going to!" Steve promised her. "We'll find him, okay? And it won't be too late."

"How do you know that?" Bethany cried softly.

"Because he's just a baby," Steve whispered.

"Like they'll care," Bethany sobbed, resting her head against Steve's shoulder. "Is it HYDRA?"  
"We don't know," Steve told her. "Honestly Beth, we don't know anything besides the fact that whoever planned this had planned it out well. They were well-equipped and had planned this out very well."

"How did this happen?" Bethany asked rhetorically. "We protect the world, but couldn't protect the one thing that actually matters? I just keep thinking about how scared he must be. He doesn't know what's happening, doesn't know where we are or if he'll ever see us again…"

"He will," Steve promised her. She knew that he was being optimistic and positive to balance out her anxiety and worry.

"I'm sorry," Bethany apologized suddenly. When Steve looked at her in confusion, she elaborated. "Here I am, crying, useless and you're doing exactly what you should."  
"Sitting up against a wall?" Steve asked softly, knowing that in a different situation, he would get a chuckle from her.

"It's a sign," Bethany whispered quietly.

Steve frowned again, shifting in his spot to look at her. "What do you mean? A sign for what?" Bethany was quiet, looking at her hands folded in her lap, just grazing her stomach. "Beth, we can't let this get in the way of us having another baby."

"I think we can, Steve. If we can't protect one baby, how do you think we will protect two? Or three?" She said exasperatedly. "It's not fair to bring another baby into this life of ours, knowing that this could happen to them."

"No," he shook his head. "No. We've always said we can't let this affect our life decisions."

"Steve, you wanted to wait because our life was too hectic," Bethany reminded him. "I think that falls under that category. Us saying that we're not going to let the world decide and actually doing it are two different things."

"But you want another baby," Steve began. "And so do I. It's our life-"

"Not when we add another baby to the picture, Steve. It's selfish of us to bring a baby into the world when _this_ is what'll happen."

Steve sighed, putting his head in his hands. Bethany sniffed and wiped her nose. Things had been going so well that she had allowed herself to forget. She pretended that everything was normal in her life. That she, Steve and Jamie _were_ the perfect little family of her dreams. But reality was setting in. Everything wasn't perfect. The world had it out for her. She had already hurt so many people in the past. Her baby, her beautiful, intelligent, loving little boy was out in the world somewhere, learning about just how much the world hated her.

"We'll talk about this later," Steve whispered to her. Bethany went to protest, but he interrupted before she could get a word out. "Bethany, I know you. You change your mind over and over again. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation. You deserve to have the family you want. When Jamie is back in your arms, and you're settled emotionally, we'll talk about what to do next. But until then, please just keep an open mind. This particular circumstance will _never_ happen again."

"But another one could," She mumbled under her breath.

"No," Steve disagreed. "If we were careful before, imagine how impossible it will be in the future to even _breathe_ on him."

"Yeah, because I'm never going to let him out of my sight again," Bethany vowed.

"I don't doubt that," Steve replied honestly.

"Steve!" Natasha called out, marching across the room towards the couple. Steve stood up and pulled Bethany up with him. The redhead pulled Bethany in for a tight hug before punching Steve's arm.

"Ow, hey!" Steve protested.

"That's for letting me find out through the television, you idiot!" Natasha yelled at him.

"I'm sorry!" Steve apologized. "I just—I didn't want anyone else to feel like this…"

Steve's words startled both Bethany and Natasha, but Natasha didn't let that phase her. "The elephant. Did he have it with him when he was kidnapped?"  
"The elephant?" Steve asked, confused. "Uhh, yeah. I think so. Why?"

Natasha took a tight hold on Bethany's wrist, dragging her to the main control computer in the center of the room, pushing a technician away from the chair. "I placed a tracking device in the elephant," Natasha explained, Bethany feeling a flutter of hope in her stomach. Steve's hand reached down to intertwine with Bethany's hand in comfort. "It can only be accessed through the Facility's mainframe for security reasons."

They watched as Natasha began to type and play around under her Avengers account, Bethany feeling her throat tighten in anticipation. "There's a chance they ditched the toy, or even destroyed it or planted it if they found the tracking device," Natasha continued to explain. "But this is better than nothing."

"It's a start," Steve voiced quietly.

Bethany felt a comforting hand on her shoulder, looking over to see Tony there. "What's going on?"

"Nat placed a tracking device in the toy she got Jamie for Christmas," Steve explained. "He had it when I… When they took him."

Bethany noticed that Steve was beating himself up. He had handed their son off to the kidnapper willingly, but Bethany didn't blame him at all. If she had seen Sam or Kiley, or any of their friends while she was focused on getting Steve unpinned from the car, she would have handed him over too. She wouldn't have even thought about how convenient it was for them to be there, she would just be placed into survival mode. Bethany rested her head against Steve's arm, trying to silently show that she wasn't angry at him. She _was_ angry, but not at Steve.

"It's honing in," Natasha announced, and it was as if the entire room grew quiet as they waited. Bethany felt sick to her stomach again. Anxiety was building up in her stomach as she waited for a location to center in on the screen. Despite the top-of-the-line computer programs, it seemed like it was taking forever for the location to load.

"Here," Natasha said, pointing up to the location. "It's in Brooklyn."

Looking at the location, Bethany knew with one-hundred percent accuracy that it _was_ the location Jamie was at. It wasn't a plant; her son was there. "Steve," she whispered under her breath. Her heart was telling her to go to him right then and there. No plan, no comprehension of the specifics. Just go to her little boy. But her legs were winning out. Not because in reality, staying and conjuring up a plan was the smart thing to do, but because she physically couldn't move them.

"I know," he whispered. He recognized the location as well. It wasn't random. It was a place both of them knew very well. One that Bethany had forgot about and really shouldn't have.

"You two know it?" Natasha asked, confusion on her face.

"It's where Project Rebirth was done," Steve explained to their friends. "It's where I became… Captain America."

"Okay, let's suit up," Tony suggested, but Bethany shook her head.

"We can't go in all guns a blazing. They wouldn't be keeping Jamie in the first room. He's probably in one of the medical examination rooms, all the way deep into the building. It'll give them time to take him or…" _Or worse_ , she thought silently to herself.

"She's right, we can't chance it," Steve added. "We have to be careful about this. Calculated. If we make even one mistake, we're in trouble. They'll know we're looking for them. They'll be on high alert."

"Why keep him in New York? Why not try to take him far away?" Wanda asked curiously.

"Two reasons," Bethany began. "Taking him out of the country, even the state, chances someone seeing it. A camera catching it. And also, it would be what they'd expect us to do. Look around the world, far away from home as possible."

"Not to mention that they know that facility is secretive. And holds meaning," Steve added.

"Do you think it's HYDRA?" Sam asked.

"I think it's still to early too tell," Steve answered honestly. "But they did know that building existed."

"Well, so did the rest of the world," Natasha justified. "When I released SHIELD's documents, it included a lot of the SSR's. It wouldn't have taken much to find it, if someone was trying to find it."

"It does give us an upper hand though," Bethany replied quietly. "We know the building. Not by a computer drawing up the images, but we walked those halls, Steve. Assuming things are relatively the same, we wouldn't be completely blind walking in there."

"But that's the thing. Can we really just walk in there?" Steve asked.

"You could try to work out a deal with them," Rhodey offered, but Bethany knew that there was nothing diplomatic about this. Even if she had to sell her soul to the devil in order for them to willingly hand Jamie back to her, she was out for revenge at this point. She had a thirst to spill the blood of every single person involved.

"No. In order to get him back, we're going to need a very carefully coordinated game plan," Natasha voiced before looking at Bethany. "This is a spy's work."

* * *

 ****A/N: OKAY. So I know I've been gone. Life has thrown me a curveball. Death comes in two in my family (always, it's creepy, I honestly don't know why it happens like this but it does) so after my grandmother passed from cancer, my great-great aunt passed as well. I'm 100% okay. Both of them were really sick and were not living life AT ALL so I'm happy that they are both out of their misery. Their death hasn't effected me negatively (probably my medication since I have an anxiety disorder) but it has taken a lot of time away from relaxing/ writing. That, paired with working and of course school, has been difficult.**

 **I'm not giving up on the story however :) It's going to take a while in between updates while I get through the Christmas season (I have so many parties to attend, on top of exams and work) but hopefully I'll be able to get back to my normal self.**

 **I have 200 words of chapter 8, so it won't be ready for a while, but hopefully this chapter helped ease some anxiety..?**

 **Ashleymcd25: Sorry I couldn't update sooner!**

 **Cleo9427: Haha, despite the fact that I've seen OTH, I didn't actually put two-and-two together in this case. I always needed ONE of Bethany and Steve's kids to be kidnapped at one point, and I chose Jamie. Could have easily been any child of theirs :)**

 **lenabui98: Yes, yes the baby :(**

 **MaddazaHatter: Sorry for making you wait! I'm trying, I promise!**

 **AngelLove1728: :( Yes, Jamie.**

 **Adela: Yeah, Bethany is a little off her rocker in this chapter. She picks herself back up in the next one though :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: PHOTOSTATIC VEIL :) I was trying to figure out how to have Jamie kidnapped with little suspicion at first and I got really excited when I remembered the veil :) AND HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TRACKING DEVICE IN THE ELEPHANT?! My mom has been collecting them for a very long time, so she gets a new one every year... well, until about 5 years ago because we ran out of room to put them.**

 **ellidraco1014: Sorry :(**

 **ImsebastianstanButter: Welcome :)**

 **infinateconstellations: Haha, welcome! Well, we know where he is now, but not who has him ;)**


	8. Strategies

****A/N: Happy New Year! I've been a shit updater, I know. I'm gonna aim to update every two weeks on Thursdays and if I end up having a lot of chapters piling up, I'll then post every week :)**

 **Thank you everyone for your patience and dedication.**

* * *

Chapter 8- Strategies

/ ˈstradəjē/ noun. a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.

* * *

Dropping his backpack on the ragged old mattress, Bucky walked over to the window. It was fogged from the cold and he could barely see outside, but he knew exactly what it looked like. There had been days upon days where he did nothing but stare out the window, watch as people went about their days, couples hugging and kissing and kids fighting. He felt a shiver crawl up his spine and he gave the old heater sitting by his feet a hard kick. It grumbled, struggling to bring itself to life before the quiet filled the room. The thing barely worked, but Bucky couldn't complain much. He was barely paying his rent. He couldn't afford a place with working heat, let alone a building that wasn't missing parts of the wall. He had seen alleyways that was in better shape than his room, but it was a quiet, safe place for him to hide out. He'd have to move out soon. Move somewhere new. Just like he did every few weeks. He wasn't risking the possibility of being found. He knew how to hide his footsteps well, but moving was still what was best for him. He didn't mind that much, since a new place meant new surroundings. He didn't have anyone to talk to, so it was comforting to have new surroundings.

But right now, the room was reaching freezing temperatures and while he could survive them, the cold temperatures always made him uncomfortable, memories of being shoved and locked in cryo-freeze for months. Years, maybe. No, he couldn't stay here tonight. He wasn't particularly tired either, so he slung his backpack onto his body, dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets and made his way to the diner down the street.

Just like the apartment, it wasn't anything special. The coffee always tasted bitter and you could easily chip a tooth on their burger buns. But the the prices were cheap and they didn't mind it if Bucky spent his entire night sitting in a booth, sipping at their bitter coffee. They had free refills too, and Bucky took full advantage of that on nights like this. It also helped that there was a TV hanging up on a shelf. It wasn't nearly as fancy looking as the televisions he saw in other shops and restaurants, but it served the same purpose. The night waitress, Claudia, even let Bucky have control of the remote the nights she was in.

Usually, Bucky would settle on the news. He felt like he had missed out on so much already, that he didn't want to miss out on anymore. Every once in a while, a story about the Avengers would be the leading story and he would casually turn the volume up, curious to what they would say. But some nights, he would just turn the television off. Some nights, it was just too painful.

As the bell to the restaurant rang when he stepped through the doors, Bucky felt a sad twinge when he realized he frequented here too often and would soon have to leave it forever. It wasn't much, but it was one place that Bucky felt safe. He wasn't constantly looking over his shoulder or on edge. He could relax. Watch the news. Read an old book. Jot down memories that were coming back to him, piece by piece.

He slipped into his usual booth, giving a soft smile when Claudia saw him. She picked up an empty mug and the coffee pot and made her way over to him. "Long time, no see," she teased him in German.

It had only been two days. "A hamburger please," Bucky ordered as Claudia poured him his coffee.

Claudia gave him a curt nod before taking the remote out of her apron and handing it to him. He offered her another smile before she disappeared. Her old, weary face was starting to become comforting to him, despite the fact that they barely spoke to each other. She would greet him, he would order and that was usually it. Claudia would fill up his mug almost every thirty minutes and only give him his bill when he walked up to the long bar stand. But he could tell by her face that she was just as lonely as he was.

Taking a sip of his black coffee, he reached into his bag and pulled out his notebook. It was in bad shape. The spine was breaking, some pages falling out and there were scribbles across the page. Sometimes, he didn't know if something he was remembering really happened or not. Sometimes, they seemed like a dream. Sometimes, they were so horrific, he just didn't want them to be real.

There was one memory he continually went back to. It was of Bethany. His hand was around her neck, holding her up to a wall. She would be struggling for a moment before giving into defeat, a sickening _crack_ sounding as her face went blank. For the love of him, he couldn't figure out if it was a dream or not. One day, it just came to him. The only way he would know for sure if it really happened was if he asked Bethany herself. It wasn't like there was some grand news report about her being found dead in an alleyway, her neck snapped in two. And while Bucky was _grateful_ that she could heal in case it _was_ real, it was really starting to eat at him.

It had almost been a year since he dropped Kiley off at the rehab facility. He had been alone for almost a year. He wondered how the blonde beauty was doing now and wished he could see her, if only for a moment, but knowing that he needed to maintain his distance. It was better for everyone if he stayed where he was. He might be lonely, but at least they were all safe from the hell that followed him. Although, it did pain him to admit that he was forgetting what Kiley looked like. He couldn't remember if she had crooked teeth, or if her eyes were blue. If he heard her voice, he probably wouldn't even realize that it was her. He knew that she had an absolutely beautiful dove-like voice, her thick Southern drawl leaking out whenever she rambled or was angry. Bucky wasn't afraid to admit to himself that he missed her. A lot.

Bucky looked over the notebook for a few minutes before sighing. No new memories were coming to him. Closing the book carefully, he leaned back in his booth, took a sip of his coffee and looked up at the television. Some low budget drama show was on, a couple fighting furiously in a poor lit room. Even their dialogue was horrendous, prompting Bucky to change the channel. It took a few tries before a familiar face caught his attention. He frowned to himself as he looked at the round face on the screen. Despite the face being familiar, he couldn't place why. It was only when the banner at the bottom of the screen appeared, reading JAMIE ROGERS MISSING did Bucky understand why the face was so familiar.

The kid was almost an exact replica of Steve. There were a few features that differed, but all-in-all, the boy looked like his father. And just like his father, the boy was already getting himself into trouble.

"Isn't it horrible?" Claudia asked, as she placed the burger in front of Bucky. "I get if people want to punish the parents, but the kid is innocent in all their dirt."

Bucky didn't respond, but knew that Claudia was like so many other people. She didn't understand what Bethany and Steve had gone through. What they were still going through. Both of them were good people. And while Bethany _had_ made some mistakes, she had been working to fix them. It was evident to Bucky, even though they were thousands upon thousands of miles apart.

Bucky felt rage boil up inside of him. That little boy was missing, kidnapped, because someone wanted revenge on his parents. Claudia was right. He was innocent. Bucky couldn't help but think about the reason _why_ someone took Jamie, but he knew for certainty that it wasn't anything good. What if they were doing to Jamie what they did to him? Torture, re-design, train, create a monster… and out of a little boy.

In that moment, Bucky had never felt guiltier than not being in New York, by Steve's side.

* * *

Steve was watching as Bethany was pulling on her skin-tight, black suit like it was only yesterday that she had done it last. They had hastily created a plan and it focused solely on Bethany getting into the building. They couldn't chance anyone detecting her because they weren't sure what they would do to Jamie in response. As result, Tony was going to hack into the building's security cameras and help navigate Bethany through the vents. Only when Jamie was safe in Bethany's arms would the rest of the team attack. The plan was to capture everyone unarmed and bring them in for questioning, but Steve wasn't sure if he could hold himself back.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve found himself asking Bethany as she pulled her boots on.

She looked up at him, shock written all over her face. "Steve, he's my baby. I retired _for_ him. I can't just sit back and let the rest of you-"

"Beth, I'm just worried," Steve admitted, moving forward to put his hands on her shoulders. "You haven't been on a mission or even trained in _months_."

"Don't stop me from doing this," Bethany told him, full of passion. Less than an hour ago, she was helpless. But now, now that she knew _where_ her boy was, she was filled with power. Steve almost pitied anyone who got in her way.

"I'm not," Steve promised her. "I just want to make sure. Not just because of you, but because of Jamie. Natasha could take your spot-"

"Steve," she interrupted. He waited for her to continue, but she didn't. But her face said everything for her.

"Okay," he nodded. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Bethany nodded, grabbing a coat off the bed and slipping it on. "Aren't you putting your suit on?"

Steve grabbed his shield that was leaning against the wall before shaking his head. "I'm doing this as me. Not Captain America."

He watched as Bethany blinked twice before nodding and leaving the room. Despite the fact that he didn't get a response from her, he knew that it meant a lot to her that he was doing this. She was constantly trying to get him to distance himself from the image and ever since Ultron, he had been inching back a little at a time. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, not Captain America. It was always difficult for Steve to understand since they were one and the same, but right now, he understood. He didn't want to come rushing to Jamie's rescue as anyone else but his father.

He _was_ worried about Bethany coming on the mission with them. It wasn't that he didn't have any faith in her. When Bethany put her mind to something, it was hard to picture her failing. Especially when Jamie's life was at stake. But it had taken her a long time to finally step away and be happy with her decision. Following the Ultron crisis, she didn't struggle with wanting to jump back into going on missions. She would work at the Facility, but Steve knew that it wasn't the same. After all her years as a spy for SHIELD, stepping out of fieldwork was hard for her. He was worried what stepping back in would do.

Then again, he knew that she was only stepping back in for Jamie. And right now, Steve knew that once Jamie was in Bethany's arms again, it would be a _very_ long time before she let him out of them again. Steve prayed that Jamie was okay, not only for the little boy's sake, but for his wife's. Steve wasn't sure how she would react if he had a single marking on his body but after what happened earlier, he had a pretty good idea of how fragile her mental state was when it came to Jamie's wellbeing. And while he was less concerned about his own mental state, it was still a factor shadowing in his mind. He just couldn't seem to stop blaming himself for _willingly_ handing his son over. He hadn't even thought about it, he just handed him over like it was the simplest thing in the world. If anything happened to Jamie, he would only blame himself all the more.

Steve took in a deep breath, holding his shield tightly in his hands as he left the room to find his wife. She was looking at one of the television screens on the wall, her arms folded tightly as she watched the news reports. "Tony needs a few more minutes to securely tap into their security cameras," Bethany told Steve without even looking at him, her eyes fixated on the screen.

The picture Steve had provided the press with was plastered onto the screen beside Christine Everhart as she reported the child's disappearance. Despite the fact that the television was on mute, Steve knew that the blonde woman was just saying things to make the situation one-hundred times worse. Her hatred for the Avengers was no secret and she seemed hell-bent on turning every piece of news regarding them into the worst possible news in existence.

But Steve ignored Everhart and focused on his little boy. Steve wasn't sure if most toddlers were usually this happy, but Jamie was almost always happy. And why shouldn't he be? He had a group of people, his mix-matched family, that were dedicated to making him comfortable and safe. Everyone fought to see the little boy smile and laugh. To teach him new words and actions. The room was filled with people who the little boy had touched in one way or another. Whether it was just by smiling at them in the hall or building an intense bond with, the happy little boy had created an impression on them.

His heart ached as he thought about how the boy was most likely anything but happy right now. He was alone, lost and scared. No one around him was familiar and he was probably wondering where his parents were. What was even more terrifying was that they knew that Jamie's worst fear in life was not having his parents around. Wanda had told them this more than once. He always had one or the other, or some other face he was used to like Natasha or Sam. But now he had no one.

He wondered if he was crying. If he was hungry. Cold. Hot. Whether or not they placed him in a comfortable crib or a cold, lonely cell. Did they plan on torturing him? Or observing him? Did they plan to ever return the little boy? Was Jamie hoping that his parents would come get him? Or did he think that they abandoned him?

"Alright," Tony's voice interrupted Steve's myriad of depressing thoughts. "Let's go."

* * *

Daphne Myers looked behind her in the hallway, scanning the corners to make sure there was no security cameras and only picked at her wedgie when she realized that she was in the clear. She had made the decision to wear spandex in an attempt to look more professional in her work outfit but was regretting it now. The material kept pulling up too high no matter how many times she readjusted it. Frankly, she was just ready to go home, take them off and watch Netflix until she fell asleep. But she knew that she wouldn't be doing that for another few hours.

She stifled a yawn as she tapped her identification and access pass on the scanner, the doors to the medical bay opening. Despite the hidden base and the older exterior, the entire building had been secretly renovated to fit the more modern technological aspects. But the base had been originally designed to tap into New York's power grid to give Project Rebirth enough electricity to turn 5'4 asthmatic Steve Rogers into a 6'2, two-hundred and forty pounds of pure muscle Captain America. They didn't need that much electricity, but it helped.

The doors slid opened, leading her down another set of halls, but this time, with two guards at the end of one of the halls where little James Anthony Rogers was. Daphne rolled her eyes at the stereotypical name the Rogers had chosen for their son. She didn't get the whole old fashioned trend of naming your kid after family or close friends. Or even the mother or father. It just seemed confusing to her. She had a line of seven Williams in her ancestral family tree and they _all_ went by 'Bill'. There was so many nicknames that could be derived from William and yet, they were all 'Bill'. Big Bill, Little Bill, Bill Junior. And when one of those Bills had a kid, the entire naming conventions would have to be adjusted once again. It made no sense to her. Why not just name your kid something else? Give them a chance to just be themselves and not have the pressure of living up to their namesake?

 _Of course, he'll always have that pressure_ , Daphne thought. Having Captain America as your father and one of the co-founders and top agents of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistic Division was _quite_ a mantle to live up to. Not to mention, his uncle was the founder of Stark Industries and his cousin was Iron Man. The kid was constantly surrounded by people who he would try to become and impress through his life. Daphne had felt enough pressure on her when her parents forced medicine on her. For generations her family had become doctors and it seemed unconceivable for her to have any other job. She couldn't imagine the stress Jamie Rogers would feel.

The guards stepped aside as they saw the doctor approach, allowing her to scan her pass once again before entering the room. As soon as the heavy metal door opened, screams filled her ears. The kid had _not_ stopped crying yet and she was slowly going insane. He kept crying out for his mother and father and while Daphne felt for the kid, she had a job to do. There were millions of diseases and infections in the world that had yet to be cured. The cure could easily reside in Jamie's genes. Theoretically, he would be the perfect mix between his mother and father, and after some extensive digging through Bethany's medical files from her accident the year before, the team had discovered that Bethany had been on the edge of death before Jamie's blood brought her back. It was selfish to let millions of other people, thousands of whom were children themselves, suffer and die in exchange for one little boy's happiness.

But the kid wouldn't stop screaming. Any even more so, he was _strong_. Every time they tried to hold him down to sedate him so they could take a blood sample or two, he would kick or pull himself out of their grips. One guard even had a broken nose and cheekbone from the toddler's sharp kick. The damage to the guard's face would have been worth it if the sedation had actually taken effected. The dosage, which should have knocked Jamie out for a couple of hours, never took effect. It was as if it was immediately burned out of his system. They were now just waiting for the kid to wear himself out, fall asleep and allow them to go about their work.

They had no intentions of actually _harming_ the kid. They weren't some super secret group who wanted to take over the world. Daphne wasn't entirely sure who her employers were, but they had simply said they wanted to study the toddler's genes in order to better the future of medicine. It seemed noble to her.

And while it was unfortunate that they had to kidnap the child in order to do this, everyone knew that Bethany and Steve Rogers wouldn't let anyone touch a hair on Jamie's head without their supervision. She thought they were just being selfish. They had eternal life and health, and even their son was blessed with this seemingly, and they were just hogging it to themselves.

"He has to fall asleep sometime, yes?" Jia, her associate, asked.

"By how much he's crying, you'd think he would by now," Daphne inputted as the door closed firmly behind her.

"Did you get any news from higher up?" Jia began. "I'd love to use gas to shut this kid up."

Daphne wasn't particularly fond of kids. She liked to look at them from afar, but she couldn't stand their crying. They always seemed to cry for stupid reasons. While she didn't think Jamie was crying for a stupid reason, the kid sure had amazing lungs on him. "They approved the gas and to inject him with serum four."

Jia nodded, heading over to the mini fridge on the counter. Daphne wasn't sure what was in serum four, but she did know that it would do no real damage to the kid. Her employers, whoever they were, had no intentions on harming the kid. "If we give him this, how long until we can actually take samples from him?" Jia asked as she prepared the injection.

"Three hours," Daphne replied, sighing internally. She began to start getting a mask ready, prepared to give Jamie the sleeping gas.

"Thank God we get paid overtime," Jia mumbled as Jamie's cries continued.

* * *

Bethany wasn't entirely sure how she got into the ventilation shaft. She hadn't really been paying attention to the details. One minute she was in the middle of a street and the next she was in a dark and enclosed space. Typically, Bethany had issues with tight spaces. It always reminded her of those times when she was being suffocated. But right now, she wasn't letting it bother her at all. She was basically blind in the shafts, a night camera attached to her shoulder which was streaming back to Tony. The entire team was two blocks away, crammed into a van, waiting for their moment to attack Jamie's kidnappers. From there, Tony was directing Bethany towards where Jamie was.

Tony had tapped into the security cameras, showing Bethany an image of Jamie before she left the van to make her entrance to the ventilation shaft. He was in one of the old examination rooms, sleeping soundly in a large crib. It gave Bethany a moment of calm but her anger grew when she saw two women in the room with him. There were talking absentmindedly and drinking coffee, as if they worked in an office for the government. They both looked like completely normal women, one of them being in her late twenties and the other deep in her thirties. They didn't look malicious at all. It only caused her emotions to boil even more. These were normal people who were actively seeking to ruin her life.

But it did help to know that Jamie wasn't suffering. There were no tubes or wires attached to his little body. And he wasn't crying hysterically for her. He was just… _sleeping_. As if he was at home, in his own bed, after Bethany read him a story and sang him a lullaby. She couldn't wait until he was back there. She loved to watch the baby sleep. She always did. His cheeks were always extremely rosy, his lips parted slightly, his breathing deep but even and his curls… _his beautiful blond curls_ sticking up wildly in every direction. Sometimes he would suck on his thumb or fingers, his dimpled hands resting close to his lips. Bethany always felt the need to touch his fingers, his hair, his cheeks. She had the same urge when she saw Molly sleeping soundly. She always fought the urge to pet her lovingly because of how adorable she was. But Molly would always spring awake, clearly upset that she was being pulled prematurely from her slumber. Jamie typically stayed sleeping or would only wake for a few minutes, only to fall back to sleep. And he was _never_ upset about her waking him up.

She could remember on one particularly hot day during the summer. Steve had suggested that they pack a picnic basket, put on their bathing suits and fly to a beach… _any_ beach. Jamie had spent the entire day playing in the waves with Steve and building sandcastles with Bethany. She even dug a shallow hole in the sand, placed the little boy inside of it and covered his body up with the golden flakes. He laughed the entire time, occasionally raising an arm or leg and watching as it moved the compact sand. Finally, hours after continuous playing, he let his eyes flutter close and fell asleep covered in sand. His hair had been particularly crazy from the salt water, humidity and slight wind and his cheeks were extremely red from the heat. She watched him resting comfortably until Steve whispered in her ear that it was time to go.

He looked so _innocent_ while he slept, and that said a lot since he almost _always_ looked innocent. It made her blood boil to think that there was a possibility that this experience, or the future would take that innocence away from him. All she wanted to do was rip everyone in the building apart, but she knew that she had to stick to the plan. Her only role was to get Jamie. Steve's plan didn't even allow her to put a single hand on one of the kidnappers or scientists. She knew he was feeling the same rage as her, so if she just _happened_ to kick someone or pull someone's hair out, he'd probably understand. _Probably._

 _"Okay, to the left, there's a panel that's black instead of grey. Do you see it?"_ Tony asked into her earpiece. Bethany looked towards the panel and crawled towards the panel. She carefully pulled the panel back and looked at the series of wires and circuit boards. _"Okay, you need to be careful when placing the override. It'll set off a series of alarms if you do it wrong."_

Bethany rolled her eyes, knowing this full well. In fact, she didn't need Tony telling her what to do. She _knew_ what to do. She was the one who taught him this stuff in the first place. _And_ she was the one to first use the override block back during her SHIELD days. And this tech has definitely advanced since those days.

She pulled the small block out from her pocket, clicking the small button to turn it on. As she began to study the circuit board to figure out exactly _where_ to place it, she could hear Tony trying to direct her, but she _did not_ agree with what he was saying. However, she couldn't argue with him. Saying a word chanced her voice travelling and someone hearing her. She had no choice but to ignore his _"no, no, what the hell are you doing?! Beth, that's not where it goes!"_ as she placed the override exactly where it needed to go.

Tony's voice went quiet as the override information travelled to Tony's computer. Bethany felt smug when no alarms went off. _"Okay, the door is locked"_ was the only response she got from Tony. The words were mumbled, showing his clear annoyance. But Bethany didn't care if she hurt his ego. Getting her son back was the only thing that mattered. They needed to lock the door to the medical room so that no one could go in or out without their permission. They did that. Now Bethany needed to find the room.

Following Tony's directions, Bethany arrived at an air vent where she could see down into the room. Jamie was still sleeping soundly and there was only one woman in the room now. While Bethany knew that this would make her job easier, she was a little disappointed because she desperately wanted to shoot both women with a tranquilizer dart. _I'll take what I can get_ , she decided to herself, taking the tranquilizer gun out of its holster, but kept her eyes on Jamie. Seeing him, _in person_ , was making her heart pound. In just a few moments, the baby would be in her arms, safe from harm. Safe from the unfair world he lived in.

 _You get one shot at this,_ Bethany reminded herself, pointing the gun at the woman. Taking in a deep breath and steadying her hand, she slowly positioned it between the grates of the vent before pulling the trigger. She watched as the small dart dug itself into her neck. One of her freshly manicured nails rose up to her neck, touching the spot tenderly before she fell to the ground. Bethany couldn't help but smile happily to herself as the woman's head smashed against the counter on the way down. _You deserve it, you bitch._

Removing the grate to the vent, Bethany let her body fall down to the floor. She could hear voices coming from her earpiece, but she couldn't focus on them. All she could focus on was the fact that her baby boy was sleeping right in front of her, just arms length away from her. Her breath was caught in her throat as she reached forward, touching his forehead which his curls laid upon. His skin was warm, as always, and soft. She could feel a sob rise in her throat but she pushed it back. She still needed to stay strong. The mission wasn't over yet.

She finally pulled Jamie into her arms, cradling his head to her chest and rubbing his back. She kissed the top of his head and repeated his name softly until he rose from his slumber. His eyelashes fluttered softly, looking up at his mother with relief in his eyes.

"Mumma," he mumbled, his exhaustion clear in his voice.

"Hi baby," Bethany smiled, kissing his forehead. "Your Mumma is here now. You're safe, okay? I'm never leaving you again. Never."

* * *

 ****A/N: There, now you all can stop wanting to kill me ;)**

 **Thank you everyone for your reviews and well wishes!**

 **Adela: GOD NO. Sharon Carter would never do that. Her moral compass is exactly like Steve's.**


	9. Quandary

****A/N: Once again, sorry for the delay! I'm trying you guys! Chapter 10 is already written though, so once I get it back from the betas, you'll get it :)**

* * *

Chapter 9- Quandary

 **/ ˈkwänd(ə)rē/ noun. a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation. A difficult situation; a practical dilemma.**

* * *

As soon as Jamie was in Bethany's arms, the entire team set out towards the building. While Steve felt reassurance that Jamie was with his mother and was dying to kick the living daylights out of whoever the hell these people were, he _really_ wanted to break through the walls and plow on forward to his son and hold him tight in his arms. But he knew he had to do his job. As much as his heart was pulling him to his family, he had to secure their safety before he got to reunite with them.

Everything from the van to the building was a blur. He knew his team was talking to him, but he heard nothing. Rage boiled inside of him as he took his first hard punch at one of the guards, sending the man flying back and hitting a wall with a loud _thud_. The other guard raised his gun towards Steve, but he gave him to chance to even place his finger on the trigger. Steve raised his shield, angling it right under the man's jaw and pulling upwards. The movement sent shock through the man's body as he crumbled to the ground.

Everything he saw was red. Whether it was a result of his anger or the bloodbath he was leaving behind him as he fought every obstacle that came at him, he didn't know. And frankly, he didn't care. Never in his life had he been so careless about the enemy's well-being. He knew that at the end of the day, having bruised and bleeding prisoners was better than the useless dead, but right now, he just wanted everyone who had a part, no matter how small, in his son's kidnapping to pay. He'd deal with the consequences later. Right now, he had no real control over his actions.

 _"Hallway to the left, Steve!"_ He heard Tony's voice echo in his ear. _"Guards are heading towards the medical room Jamie is in!"_

Steve rushed in the direction he knew his family was in, attacking anyone and everyone he saw along his way. When he arrived at the room, a room that was _very_ familiar to him, the door had been pried open. Inside he could hear grunts and yelps of pain and when he looked inside the room, Bethany was holding tightly onto Jamie while fighting off a guard. Despite the awkwardness of her having to balance the baby, she was doing quite well.

He quickly stepped into motion, grabbing the guard by the back of his shirt and flinging him backwards into the wall before he took Jamie out of Bethany's arms. She seemed unwilling to let him go, but she settled to holding onto one of his hands as Steve cradled his son in his arms. "Is he okay?"

"He seems to be," Bethany whispered, but Steve could see that there was worry deeply etched into her eyes. "We can't leave until we get a clean sweep of all the information on their databases."

"Natasha can do that," Steve reminded her. "And Tony. We need to get him back to the Facility to get-"

"Tested?" Bethany asked bluntly. "Stick him with more needles and place him in observation? No."

"Bethany, it's for his own health."

"Regardless, once all the hostiles are down, it's safer for us in here. As much as it pains me to say that," Bethany finished with a mumble.

"You'd rather stay here than go back to the Facility? Or even the Tower?"

"Not at all," Bethany shook her head. "But once this place is secured, they won't try to get it back. They may set up another trap somewhere else, but this place will stay secure. Not only that, but news will have reached the media by now. It'll be a shit storm out there."

"Mumma," Jamie's sleepy voice called out. Bethany immediately moved to slip Jamie out of Steve's arms and into her own.

"Shh, I'm right here baby. You're safe, remember? And look, Daddy is here to keep you safe too. Okay, my Munchkin?" She kissed the side of her boy's head, cradling him close to her. However, Bethany's eyes stayed focused on Steve's. "I don't think they were trying to kill him. I don't think there's anybody in this world that wants him dead. And therefore, they would never harm him. But they want his blood. His genes. His ability to do what you and I both can do. And if he can truly do those things, then we have nothing to worry about. He's proven to have my regenerative blood and your strength. I'm just as worried as you, but I'm going with my instinct. And it's telling me no tests right now and to stay here."

Steve sighed, but couldn't deny Bethany's wish. Her instinct was quite in tune. In fact, it scared Steve sometimes just how correct her instincts tended to be. And her instincts when it came to Jamie were even more impressive. More importantly, he didn't want to argue with her.

Looking around the room, he shook his head. "This place has changed."

"Only a little," Bethany whispered. "It still smells funny."

Steve couldn't help but smile softly at her remark. "It was in this very room that I first fantasied about you," he told her honestly. "That I first realized that I wanted you."

"I wanted you too," Bethany promised. "Your arms made my legs all weak. Still do."

Taking her cue, Steve stepped forward and pulled his family into his arms. He heard Bethany stifle a sob before taking in deep breaths. "Why can't we just have some peace? Why does everyone feel like it´s their life mission to make us miserable? To make us suffer? All we've ever done is try to make the world a better place."

As much as Steve wanted to comfort her, he couldn't find the right words. This was mostly due to the fact that he was wondering the exact same thing. It seemed like every time they found some peace and harmony in their lives, something happened to rip everything apart. Now, they would constantly be on edge. Constantly be paranoid. Steve wasn't even sure Bethany would ever let Jamie out of arms reach ever again.

But the one reason why this time was so much different than all the others was that they went through this crisis together, without fighting. They didn't push each other away. They didn't blame the other for their mistakes. And while Steve was blaming himself, he knew that Bethany didn't. She truly and honestly did not. Through years of dating and marriage, through countless missions and world disasters, they always had disagreements on something. But this time, they agreed; they had to get their son back.

And now that Jamie was in their arms, they had some heavy vengeance to serve.

* * *

It was hours before the group returned to the Facility. By then, Natasha and Tony had been able to send all the files to the Facility, as well as have a team scan and search the building for anything suspicious. Many of the workers had already been questioned. While there was no existing information that the group was HYDRA, the workers insisting that they were hired from an unknown source, Steve still had his suspicions.

Bethany had yet to put Jamie down. Now they were in the medical unit at the Compound, waiting as some more tests were run on Jamie. While the records stated that they had injected him with something titled 'Serum Four', there was absolutely no information on what Serum Four contained. They were hoping that by taking some blood samples, they'd be able to figure it out before either his body burned it off or it took effect. They had searched the building, looking for a vial labelled 'Serum Four' but found nothing.

At first, Steve assumed that Bethany would be the one kicking and screaming against anyone sticking needles into the baby. But as it turned out, as soon as Bethany knew that they had indeed injected Jamie with something, she was all for it. While the baby wasn't showing any symptoms except fatigue and hunger, she was extremely paranoid. However, Jamie wasn't taking the sample taking with ease. He kicked and screamed and howled so that he could be heard down the hall. Bethany would rock him, kiss him, sing to him, but nothing would calm him down. Steve was even forced to hold Jamie's feet and hands so that he couldn't take a swing at the doctors and nurses. He hated having to restrain his child from something that clearly terrified him, but he knew that it was for Jamie's own good in the end.

Steve could tell that Bethany was starting to lose fuel. Her yawns were becoming more common and her eyes would flutter quickly every few minutes, fighting to keep them from closing altogether. But Steve didn't dare suggest that she get some rest. Neither did anyone else. They could all tell that she had been up too long, stressed for all of it and her adrenaline was well spent. She needed a nice, long nap, followed by a big plate of spaghetti. But Bethany wouldn't do any of that until Jamie was cleared with a clean bill of health.

"It's all done, Munchkin," Bethany promised a sobbing baby, kissing away one of his tears. "I know, I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry."

She rubbed and patted his back, looking up to her husband with sadness in her eyes. He was experiencing the same thing as her. Jamie was smart, but still too young to understand why they were doing this to him. Hell, Steve wasn't fully sure if he understood completely. But all-in-all, it pained him to see his son like this. He wished he could just make everything all better, for him, for Bethany, for their entire family. He felt like he was drowning in guilt. Not just for handing Jamie off to the enemy, but for the mere fact that he couldn't protect the one thing that meant more to him than anything. His _family_ meant more to him than any title or glory. He didn't always do a good job of showing that, but now he knew that things would have to be different moving on. He could save lives of complete strangers every day, but almost lost his son. And Steve knew that if he lost Jamie, he'd probably lose Bethany too.

"I know that it hurts, but this is all for your own good," Bethany promised Jamie, cooing him quietly. "Funny, huh? That pain is for your own good? No more, though. Your Daddy and I will take care of you."

At this point, Steve was sure that Bethany's words of encouragement were for herself and not Jamie, but the boy was settling down slowly. "Are you hungry?" Steve asked her quietly, feeling the gnaw of hunger in his stomach.

"Yeah," Bethany sighed. "Do you mind getting something?"

"Not at all," Steve lied. He didn't mind getting them both food, but he would be unwillingly leaving Jamie. "Pasta?"

"I love you," Bethany smiled her approval.

"I'll be quick," Steve promised, leaning down to kiss her softly. Making his way to the cafeteria, Steve saw some employees decorating the banquet room, remembering that it was New Years' Eve. They had promised Kiley that they would attend, but Steve didn't think that was a promise they would hold up, or be expected to. He couldn't wait to crawl into bed with Bethany and Jamie and sleep away 2015. So many bad things had happened during the last twelve months. But so much good also happened. Steve couldn't let the bad outweigh the good. No matter how frustrating things had been, there had also been good.

His eyes were heavy. It wasn't just not sleeping for hours on ends, but it was also the emotional turmoil of the day and knowing that the future would only hold more days like today.

* * *

Even if Steve and Bethany wanted to return to their house, they had been advised not to. It wasn't just the doctors and security teams that felt keeping Jamie at the Avengers' Facility was for the best. Everyone did. And while Tony insisted that the house's security was impenetrable and up-to-date, being in a crowed building, with Earth's Mightiest Heroes only a room away from Jamie made everyone feel safer. Even Jamie was finally at ease. He was sleeping soundly in Bethany's arms, Steve's large hand firmly on the boy's back. No one was getting to him.

The family had retired to the room in the Avengers' shared living quarters that was originally supposed to be theirs. However, they had both agreed that they needed privacy and wanted to raise Jamie in a semi-normal environment, which led to them having their own apartment space before the house was fully constructed. The team hadn't used the room for another purpose, justifying that some late night missions might encourage Steve to crash there opposed to waking Bethany up. Yet, both Steve and Bethany quickly learned that while the idea was thoughtful, they'd rather be together after Steve returned from a mission.

The room was a standard size, quite bare, but it was serving its purpose right now. Despite both parents being exhausted, neither was able to drift off to sleep. The room had been long quiet, Jamie's rhythmic breathing being the only sound. But Steve knew he had to talk to his wife. Bethany knew she had to talk to her husband. It was all a matter of who spoke first.

Finally, Bethany built up her nerve and broke the silence, asking Steve what he was thinking about. It was a while before Steve replied, trying to put his thoughts and emotions into words. "We can't let this dictate our future, Doll."

Another moment of complete silence passed them before Bethany responded. "It's going to. You know it will. Even if we were guaranteed that it wouldn't happen again, it would affect things. Change _everything_. No matter what we want to believe."

"I'm not going to pressure you," Steve began. "But we can't let this get in the way of us having another baby. We both want one. And I know that you feel it's unfair to bring another innocent child into this mess, and I agree. But this mess is still our life. We didn't lose Jamie. We'll learn from our mistakes. We won't let this happen again. I just don't want you to give up on our plans, our _future_ because I was an idiot and signed up for a top-secret government experience."

The room was silent for a heartbeat before Bethany mumbled "I was the fool who fell in love with the idiot who signed up for a top-secret government experiment."

Steve couldn't help but chuckle, his heart warming as he sensed his wife's true personality returning. "I know that if I didn't do that, I wouldn't have you. Hell, I don't even know if I could have had children back then. I only regret that you and our family are at risk because of my decisions."

"I want another baby," Bethany whispered to him. "I want for Jamie to be a big brother and for you to have a little girl and to feel this uncompromisable, undeniable, unconditional love to grow. I'm just terrified of what will happen."

"I know you are," he replied softly, reaching out to brush away the tears that had begun to fall from her eyes. "Don't think for one moment that I'm not too. I just don't want you to give up this dream of yours—of _ours_ —because I made some enemies."

"I made some too," Bethany pointed out. "It's not just your fault. This _isn't_ your fault. I don't want you to think that at all."

"You told the whole world who you really were because of me," Steve reminded her. "If you hadn't done that, you'd still be living in a world of solitude."

"A miserable world of solitude," Bethany corrected. "And I did that because I love you and I thought that it was the only way for us to get privacy, be together and have a shot at a future."

"You weren't completely wrong in your intentions. You didn't know this would happen."

"But if I did..." She began to ponder. "Do you think I would have chosen otherwise?"

"I don't know," Steve told her honestly. "And I have a feeling you don't either. But why wonder what could have been when we can wonder what will be? I want another baby. I want everything that you said. And maybe that is selfish of us. But today I remembered that there is nothing in the world more important to me than our family. And I will do everything— _anything_ —to make sure we have more kids who are safe and loved… if that's what you truly want."

"Anything?" Bethany asked, a soft smirk evident in her voice. "What if I want to move to Mars?"

"I'll go ask Tony to start building us a space shuttle," Steve replied.

"I was kidding," Bethany felt obligated to say.

"I'm not," Steve told her seriously, cutting the teasing energy out of the room. "I'm serious here, Beth. About this. About us. About our future. About giving you everything you want."

"I believe you," Bethany told him honestly. "And I'm thankful. God, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of this."

"Yes, you do," Steve whispered, leaning in to kiss her forehead softly before resting his forehead against hers. "We'll do this. Okay? We're us. We'll find a way. No matter how hard, we always find a way. Don't we?"

"Yeah," Bethany answered. "We've defied all odds before."

"And we will keep doing it, I promise," Steve whispered, giving her a soft smile. "Now, get some sleep, Doll Face. We have a long day ahead of us."

Bethany returned his smile, her eyes starting to droop now that the conversation was complete. While there were still huge questions in the air, they were both on the same page, and for two people constantly on different pages, it was enough for now. It was enough for them to be together, their son wedged between them. Safe. And loved.

* * *

Natasha had made a small appearance at the New Years' Eve party raging a few floors away from the living quarters, but was too exhausted to stay for long. While she felt bad since Kiley put so much work into it, Natasha knew that even Kiley was planning on stepping out early. They were all exhausted and no amount of alcohol or loud music would change that. The rest of the team had already pulled out so she knew that she wouldn't be going back to an empty apartment.

Slipping into the apartment, the entire team was settled at the island, picking at some chips and dip that was spread across the marble. "And here I thought I was the most pathetic one," She teased them. "They asleep?"

"They were when I got here," Wanda nodded.

Natasha gave her a nod, but wanted to check up on them anyways. Her heart had shattered when she saw the news about the baby boy. She was thankful that Jamie had clutched onto the elephant plush she gave him through the entire experience. She wanted the best for the boy, and while she figured having a tracking device in one of Jamie's toys would come in handy, she didn't think it would be as soon. What Natasha hadn't told his parents was that she had placed other tracking devices into Jamie's toys over the months. He never left the house without one of them.

Opening the door a smidge, she couldn't help but smile sadly at the image in front of her. The three of them were curled up together, using only a fraction of the King sized mattress. They all looked so peaceful. In fact, it had been a long time since she had seen Bethany look that peaceful. She wasn't sure she had ever seen Steve look that peaceful. And after watching Jamie cry for hours, she wasn't sure she would ever see Jamie look that peaceful again. And yet, there they were.

Carefully closing the door, she snuck back to the team, joining in their conversation. "What happens now?" Sam asked.

"Whatever they want," Natasha answered, sitting next to Wanda. "If they want to stay here, go back to their place. Whatever they think is best for them. For him."

"What if that means leaving the Facility's area altogether?" Wanda asked. "Move far away, separating themselves from this life?"

"Then that's their decision as well," Natasha shrugged, but knowing that the absence of Bethany, Steve and Jamie would leave a huge hole in her life.

"And then what? What about us?" Wanda asked.

"We don't need them to continue with being Avengers," Rhodey pointed out. "Sure, Steve is our leader and Bethany takes care of all the boring details we don't like to deal with, but we can still go on without them. We _need_ to."

"Well, someone does," Tony corrected. "It doesn't need to be the Avengers."

"Right, spend billions of dollars creating _this_ ," Natasha began, gesturing around the room. "And all the equipment, employment and just leave it in the dust?"

"Buildings can be converted," Sam pointed out. "Look, if Steve decides to bow out, that's not our decision. It's not anyone's but his. And maybe Bethany's. But we don't have to close up and leave just because they do. We're still capable. We've been on missions without Steve before."

"Ones he trusted us enough to handle without him," Natasha reminded him. "I've known Steve personally and professionally a long time now. Just because he trusts you with his life doesn't mean he trusts you with other people's lives."

"My point is, if he leaves, it's because he feels like it's what's best. And not just for him, for Bethany or for Jamie. He's thinking about the entire situation. You know him," Sam added.

"I feel that it is too soon for Captain Rogers to make any decisions, based on the assumption that yesterday's events will be repeated," Vision spoke up for the first time.

"Meaning?" Sam asked with a frown.

"Statistically speaking, what occurred yesterday will not occur anytime in the future," Vision explained. "With increased security alone, it will lower the chances of another attack drastically. Not to mention, they took Jamie while he was with his parents. The idea that Captain Rogers retiring will in the long run keep Jamie safer since he will be with him more often is highly flawed."

"But it's his son," Natasha reminded him. "He won't grasp reason like that. And he shouldn't be forced to."

"I do not necessarily disagree," Vision added, which surprised Natasha greatly. The Android wasn't too great on grasping emotional ties and impacts. "However, he should not retire based solely on the excuse that it is for Jamie's safety, as it would have no sound reasoning. If he does, it is because he wants to."

"And does he?" Tony asked, looking to the group. "Last time I asked him, he didn't. Bethany wanted him to and he still said 'no'. And saying 'no' to her isn't something he can't do easily."

Natasha sighed, looking over to Sam. Both of them had discussed this in private over the weeks. Steve was still attentive at work, giving his all when present, but he always seemed excited to go home. More so than usual. "I don't think he's ready to go cold turkey," Natasha offered. "But at the same time, I think he'd enjoy a lightened workload. But he wouldn't admit it."

"I think he'd feel like he was letting us down," Sam explained. "As long as I've known Steve, that's his biggest flaw. He stretches himself every way to keep himself from keeping anyone down."

"Yeah, well he's constantly letting Bethany down," Tony mumbled.

"He's doing his best," Wanda whispered. "They both are. They know they can't have what was considered normal in their time, or even normal in our time. But they are both trying. And working to accept and love what they have."

"They didn't fight," Natasha pointed out. "In a time of crisis, they've been known to fight. Take their frustrations out on the other. Feel betrayed in some way. But this time, they didn't. Bethany could have blamed Steve for this, but she didn't. That's a huge step. I've seen her blame him for a lot less serious things, and vice versa."

"I think what we have to do now is make sure that they both feel safe," Sam offered. "Secure in their relationship and Jamie's safety. Even if they decide to move back into their house tomorrow, one of us should offer to stay over. Give them an extra peace of mind."

"That's not a bad idea," Natasha nodded. "Hey, what about the cat? Has anyone checked on her?"

"Kiley brought her to her apartment when everything started," Sam replied. "Figured the cat wouldn't be their top priority. That thing sleeps on your face, by the way."

"That means she loves you," Wanda chuckled.

"She was trying to suffocate me!"

"She was trying to keep you warm and protected," Wanda "Or herself. I can't remember which. But no malicious intent."

"How do they do it?" Tony suddenly asked. "They make it look so…"

"Easy?" Natasha offered. Although she had seen the couple at their worse, she knew that they were stronger because of it.

"Not just that… but they _chose_ this path. Knowing that all this could happen," Tony explained. "I mean, if I knew I would go through what they are…"

"I don't think they would change what they have though," Natasha replied. "I know Bethany wishes they waited to have Jamie, for a multitude of reasons, but she loves that boy. Admit it, we all do. And she loves Steve. She's waited a long time to have a sliver of happiness. And I think she'd do it all again, to be honest."

"It's weird how that works, isn't it?" Sam asked. "Willing to go through years of pain and suffering for a second of pure happiness?"

"I'd do it," Wanda spoke after a moment of silence. "Everything. Just to have what they have. Just for a second. To have real love."

Natasha thought about it for a second. She had always been jealous of Bethany when it came to her perfect little family. It was impossible not to be. But Bethany had been to hell and back, and was in for more pain in the future. But she knew, deep down, that if she was presented with the path, she would take it. She ached to have someone to call her own. Someone to accept her. To love her. To war through time for her. _With_ her. It was love like no other. Literally no other couple in the world had gone through the same path as Steve and Bethany. And their experience had only made them stronger.

"I'm going to go hit the hay," Natasha said, opposed to voicing her thoughts. As she turned away from the chorus of 'good nights', she couldn't help but look at the door to where the Rogers family was sleeping soundly. They _all_ wanted to experience something like Bethany and Steve. She knew it. She even had a feeling that Vision longed for some kind of emotional affirmation and commitment. Even if it was just a second of it in exchange for years of pain.

* * *

 ****A/N: Everyone can breathe now ;)**

 **lenabui98: Safe and sound... FOR NOW. DUN DUN DUN.**

 **Cleo9427: Sorry again for making you wait! I'm really trying!**

 **GirlyGamer1986: Glad to hear that :)**

 **ImsebastianstanButter: Yes she does :) And thank you!**

 **MaddazaHatter: Thank you :) And I will update soon, I promise!**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha, he's Steve Roger's kid, of course he'll fight back! Steve is going to start seeing Bethany in a whole new light beause of this entire fiasco. Ultimately, it'll bring them closer together... Conveniently right before Civil War ;) And beginning of next chapter shows a little glimpse into Tony's mind, and a little bit of an understanding of what he'll be like during Civil War as well.**

 **Adela: Happy New Year!**


	10. Despondency

****A/N: Two updates in a row :) Probably won't be one next week since I'm having a small medical procedure and will essentially be sleeping next week.**

* * *

Chapter 10- Despondency

 **/ dəˈspändənsē/ noun. a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope of courage.**

* * *

Tony's eyes burned slightly from the brightness of his computer screen. It was well past three in the morning, the year officially 2016. The group had filtered out of the kitchen and into their rooms slowly following midnight, but Tony didn't feel like packing it up for the day just yet. Usually, he would still be up at this time on New Year's Day, but for completely different reasons. This year, partying and boozing it up was the last thing on his mind. Hell, there had been a party raging in the very building. He had no doubt that it was amazing. Kiley had been to many of the Stark benefits and parties over the years and knew how to throw a party, but he was too exhausted. And maybe, just maybe, a little too old. Although he wasn't going to freely admit to that.

But he was using the excuse that he needed to revamp the security system as a reason to not turn in just quite yet. Everyone else would do their best to keep Jamie safe, he had to do his role as well. He had asked Vision to surveil the area, but it was less about running surveillance and more about just getting some alone time. The entire ordeal of the last two days was taking its toll. He knew that he was severely sleep deprived, but if he closed his eyes…

Seeing Bethany the way she had been… he never wanted to see that again. And yet, he knew that if he closed his eyes, he would. He was so used to seeing her as a strong woman. It was as if he was viewing a complete stranger, not someone he had literally known his entire life. He had seen her on some weak days, but never like that. Never completely lost. He knew how much she loved her little boy. He didn't need to see her like that to prove it. But it was placing a lot into context. If Bethany had the same reaction, even a fraction of the reaction, that she had the day before when Steve went under…

He couldn't imagine the pain his father went through, seeing Bethany in that position. It wasn't just temporarily, while they waited a few hours to look into a location and get him back. No. It was _years_ of watching his little sister suffer, torturing herself, because she was capable of loving too much. Bethany always seemed to feel things on a multiplied level. Whether it was because she was bipolar, or just who she was, her emotions were always heightened. That wasn't always a negative aspect. In fact, Tony loved how when Bethany was happy or surprised, she was _over-the-moon ecstatic_. It was what made her so easy to love. But Tony had only been introduced to that happy-go-lucky Bethany when Steve returned. Before that, she was just… deprived of any emotion besides anger. He didn't want to see her return to that state. She might have been alive those years, but never living.

Hearing a creak in the floorboards, Tony turned his head to see Wanda wandering into the kitchen. She looked surprised to see him there still, but offered a tired smile. "Can't sleep either?" She asked, moving to the counter.

"I work better at night," Tony offered, but knew that he was lying to himself, as well as her.

"Coffee?" Wanda questioned as she pulled out some mugs.

"Why not," Tony replied with a shrug. "What's keeping you up?"

"I'm a teenager," Wanda returned, moving to start the coffee maker. "I'm supposed to be up in the middle of the night."

"Right, right," Tony nodded. "I remember those days."

They were both quiet for a few minutes as Tony typed away at his computer and Wanda leaned on the island, picking at her chipped nail polish. The only sound, besides the keyboard clicking, was the hum from the coffee maker. Tony and Wanda had never been particularly close. While Tony always just pegged it to the fact that Wanda associated the name 'Stark' with the death of her parents, it was actually just because they never had the chance to really connect. Or even _attempt_ to connect.

Tony visited the Avengers' Facility once every month or so, unless Bethany dragged his ass out for an extra visit or two. But even then, there was always other people around. Usually Steve or Bethany. Wanda seemed to cling to their sides whenever he was around. And from what Tony could gather, neither Steve or Bethany cared. The couple seemed to have a knack for taking in broken things. They weren't exactly perfect themselves, having been shattered and glued back together a million times, but they knew exactly what to say and do to make others feel safe and comforted.

"So, you uh… happy here?" Tony asked, mentally squinting at how awkward it sounded. "Room is up to your standards and everything?"

Wanda looked at him with a blank face before giving him that sarcastic smile that teenagers seemed to master. "It's fine. It's better than where I was before."

"Right," Tony mumbled under his breath.

The hum of the coffee maker drowned out their silence while Tony wished that he hadn't said anything. It wasn't like Wanda had come from the typical home before she arrived at the Compound. And her circumstances of arrival weren't exactly normal either. It wasn't like Rhodey or Sam, where they technically had the choice of staying at their cozy homes or moving to the high-tech Facility. If he was in Wanda's shoes, he would have felt like it was his only choice, at least for the moment. He had no idea about her real intentions, whether she wanted to join the group or what she wanted to do in the future.

When the coffee maker came to a halt, Wanda turned away from Tony as she poured the black liquid into two mugs. He watched as she prepared hers, leaving the milk and sugar on the island before passing Tony his coffee. "Good night," was all she said before she disappeared back into her room like the mystery that she was to him.

* * *

Bethany could feel little fingers on her face, pulling her from a sweet slumber. Her body had felt heavy all night, as if it was going to fall through the mattress but she was instead floating instead of falling. It had been quite relaxing and exactly what she needed. Especially since she thought that every toss and turn, creak and click would wake her up. But instead, she had slept soundly, wrapped in Steve's arms and her arms in turn wrapped around Jamie.

"Stop, you'll wake her," Steve whispered, but by then, she was already accepting that she wouldn't be drifting back into slumber. She opened one eye, her vision immediately meeting Jamie's face. He was lying so his face was almost touching hers. When he saw her eyes flutter open, a large smile broke out across his face.

"G'morning," Bethany mumbled softly, tilting her head forward a little to press a kiss onto Jamie's nose.

"He wasn't supposed to wake you," Steve told her, his large hand moving up and down her arm soothingly.

"Mmm," she hummed, rubbing one of her eyes as she shifted a little on the bed. "S'okay. I slept well enough. How's my boy doing this morning?"

"He seems to be fine," Steve replied. "Acting the same as with any morning."

"Glad to hear it," Bethany smiled, pulling herself up on the bed. Once she settled into a sitting position, she pulled Jamie onto her lap. "Good morning, my Munchkin. Did you have sweet dreams?"

"Morn'g Mumma," Jamie cheered, resting his head against her chest. Bethany rubbed soothing circles on Jamie's back while she looked at Steve.

"You sleep well?" She asked him softly, smiling at how his hair was standing up in every single direction. "You sure look like you did."

"I did," Steve confirmed. "Surprisingly."

"I know what you mean," Bethany whispered, looking down at Jamie. "It was all a dream, right? None of it happened?"

Steve sighed, clearly wanting to tell her that it had been, but also knowing that they needed to deal with the consequences of the ordeal. "Do you want to deal with any of it today?"

"No," Bethany shook her head. "I don't know if I'll ever want to deal with any of it, to be honest Steve."

She knew that all the employees were currently in cells, waiting to be questioned by a multitude of organizations and leaders. She knew that she and Steve were on that list of people that were allowed to be present during the questioning. But frankly, she didn't want to see any of them. Or hear any of them. Or think of any of them. Because doing any of that would mean having to separate herself from the opportunity to have a perfect moment with Jamie.

"I don't either," He revealed, surprising her. "I know Natasha will, if we ask her to."

"We can't keep asking Natasha to do our dirty work," Bethany sighed, knowing that the ex-agent of SHIELD had gone on many business trips in Bethany or Steve's place over the last few months. Bethany always felt bad about asking, but she was caring a lot less about what politicians thought about her every single day. No one was going to agree on everything. What one country felt was safe and peaceful wasn't what another country felt was safe and peaceful. She felt more like a messenger and a compromiser than anything else in those meetings, and it was never messages or compromises she wanted to make.

"And I should go," Steve sighed. "I know I should. There's a lot that I want to say and hear."

"Tomorrow?" Bethany asked. She had no intention of going with Steve. That would mean having to leave Jamie, since there was no way in hell she was bringing him closer to those maniacs that called themselves 'scientists'. But she also didn't want Steve to leave just yet.

"Tomorrow," Steve agreed with a nod before smiling. "Oh, happy new year."

"That's right," Bethany sighed. "I completely forgot."

"I think that's understandable," Steve reminded her, kissing her shoulder lightly. "Any New Year's resolutions?"

"I'm already perfect," Bethany teased him, tossing him a wink. "And resolutions are made to help make you into a better person."

"Why don't we make one together, then?" Steve suggested. "Less of a resolution and more of a promise?"  
"A New Year's Promise?' Bethany asked before smiling. "Colour me intrigued. What do you have in mind?"

Steve let out a heavy breath of air before taking Bethany's hand in his. "We know we can do it now. Have a crisis and not turn on each other. I mean, we had the _ultimate_ crisis, Doll."

"You proposing we work on being a strong couple this year?" Bethany asked with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that the whole point of this?" She said, raising her left hand and pointing to the ring.

"I just think that if we could successfully go through this, without yelling at one another, how could we possibly fail to do so in the future?"

"You have a point," Bethany agreed. "Does that include if one of us has a key hand in the crisis?"

"Trying to cover your ass?" Steve chuckled.

She feigned shock but broke out into a fit of giggles. "I'm more likely to mess up and have it lead to a crisis. My track record isn't exactly squeaky clean, now is it?"

"Not in the slightest," Steve whispered with a smile before leaning in to kiss her. "You hungry? I want to make you breakfast this morning."

"I'm hungry for any meal I don't have to cook," Bethany confirmed. When the three of them exited the bedroom and made their way into the kitchen, Bethany looked around the empty room. She never realized just how _cold_ the area looked. There weren't any photos or plants, or toys. There was nothing to make it look welcoming. Even the couch and chairs looked stiff, as if they were purely there for show. She had spent such a long time in her house, surrounded by warm colours and blankets and photos of faces she loved and lost. Despite the fact that she felt safer at the Facility, she knew that her heart was pulling her back into their comfy and cozy home.

"Pancakes?" Steve asked as he rummaged through the cabinets.

"Sure," Bethany replied, slipping onto one of the stools at the island and sitting Jamie on her lap. She twisted around slightly before settling into a comfortable position, his head still resting against her chest. "How you feeling baby boy? Huh?"

Jamie twisted his head up to look at her, reaching one of his dimpled hands up to grab her lips. She pretended to nibble on them, which set him into a squeal of laughter. The beautiful sound seemed to calm her entire body and soul.

"Hey there little guy," Natasha said as she came into the kitchen, a smile on her face and eyes looking solely at Jamie. In response, the toddler let out a squeal of delight and reached his arms out towards her. Bethany reluctantly let Natasha take him into her arms, but Bethany kept her eyes glued on Jamie, not letting him out of her sight any time soon. "How did you two sleep?" Natasha asked the couple as one of Jamie's hands reached up and tangled itself in one of Natasha's growing fiery locks.

"Good, actually," Steve replied for the both of them. "We both slept soundly."

"I guess that happens when you don't get sleep for a few days," Natasha reminded him. "Listen, we all talked last night. You can stay here for as long as you need to. I know Tony was up late last night, updating the security for the house. And Vision was in charge of patrol and security. Whatever you two want to do, you got it. We're all here for you."

"That means a lot," Steve told her honestly, with a shy little smile.

They were quiet for a few moments, Steve moving around the kitchen, preparing breakfast with ease. Natasha reached out and touched one of Bethany's curls softly, gathering the woman's attention. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" Bethany asked, a little confused and shock. "I'm fine. I have my boy back, everyone is safe. What else do I need?"  
"Everlasting security?" Natasha offered. "You might not have lost Jamie, but you did lose that security. And whatever faith you had left in society."

Bethany let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. "I lost all faith in society a long time ago. This is just a painful reminder of why. Part of me wants to forget this altogether, while the other part knows that I can't."

"You don't have to forget this, Beth," Steve sighed, leaning across the island to take her hand in his. "In fact, I know you won't. Not even if you try. But you can learn to live a happy, normal life with this in the rearview mirror."

"That's only if this is it," Bethany pointed out. "Who's to say that this won't happen again? What if this group has nothing to do with HYDRA? Then what? Huh? We already know that HYDRA is after him. And sure, some people believe that HYDRA is finally gone, but I don't. Because last time I believed that, it came back to bite me in the ass and make a fool out of me. Out of everyone I love."

The kitchen was quiet as Steve and Natasha absorbed what Bethany had said. They knew she had a point. But they both also knew that Bethany needed to live her life not terrified of what was around the corner. Bethany had been through hell and back, had faced some of the world's deadliest foes, had willingly and excitedly faced an army of aliens and none of that seemed to have really fazed her. But through that all, she wasn't scared for herself. And even today, she wasn't scared for herself. She would do that all again if she had a guarantee that Jamie would be safe through it all. When it came to Jamie, she didn't want to turn that corner. She didn't even want to think about turning the corner, in fear of what would happen.

"Since when are we a group of early risers?" Kiley asked as she and Sam came out of Sam's room. "Well, besides you Steve. Even Sam is back to normal sleeping hours."

"It's almost eight," Sam pointed out. "Since when is this early?"

"Since always," Kiley responded passionately as she pulled herself onto the stool next to Bethany's. "Molly's at my place, by the way. I fed her before I came here last night."

"Thank you," Bethany replied quietly. She wasn't feeling like herself that morning. She wasn't exactly tired, but was void of any actual feelings except fear. And being constantly afraid was quite draining. "How was the party?"  
"I dunno," Kiley shrug, reaching for an apple from the fruit basket. "I left pretty early. After everyone else left, but pretty early. And I was really only dealing with the details, not exactly enjoying the party."

"I'm sorry," Bethany apologized, twiddling her fingers together in an anxious manner. She really wanted to hold Jamie again, but she knew that if she snatched the baby from Natasha, not only would she get stares, but they'd probably send her into therapy. The last thing she wanted to do was go to therapy. It might work for some people, but the last thing she wanted to do was open her dark can of emotional baggage.

"Hey, it's not your fault," Kiley stressed. "But I did postpone the fireworks until tonight. I figured Jamie would get a bigger kick out of them than middle aged employees."

"You're probably right," Bethany replied with a soft smile. "Thank you."

"'Course," Kiley winked. "What's for breakfast, Chef Rogers?"

"What do you want?" Steve offered, feeling oddly at home and at ease in the moment. He wasn't a stranger to making breakfast. In fact, he usually did.

"Pancakes would be just lovely," Kiley replied with a large smile.

Bethany felt a sense of relief wash over her when Jamie reached his arms out towards her, babbling her name. She collected him back from Natasha, her anxiety settling down almost immediately. She kissed the boy's head softly and listened to his words carefully. "Nanana," he spoke, reaching out towards the fruit basket.

Bethany reached for a banana and peeled it before giving it to the boy. It seemed like everyone was looking at Jamie, contently watching as he munched down on the soft fruit. Bethany sighed softly to herself, holding the baby a little closer to her as he ate. At that very moment, she wasn't sure if she'd ever feel like herself again.

* * *

Despite the fact that Bethany hadn't wanted to spend the day thinking or talking about Jamie's kidnappers, it was all she could think about. By lunchtime, Steve suggested that they go to the research department to look over what information they had. Bethany had sighed with relief. She hadn't said a thing to Steve since their talk at breakfast regarding the kidnappers, but he somehow knew anyways. On their way to the research department, Steve took a firm hold of Bethany's shaking hand. She was trying really hard to push her anxiety away, but it was close to making her ill. She hadn't felt like this in a really long time. And while anyone would agree that she had a right to feel this way, emotions always came with a price with Bethany due to her bipolar disorder. She didn't even want to consider that it was becoming an issue again. She just wanted to focus on keeping Jamie safe, and right now her increased anxiety was keeping her hyper-aware and she didn't think there was anything bad about that. The boy seemed to be fine and had no complaints about joining his parents in the research department for the afternoon. He quickly fell asleep in Bethany's arms.

The medical ward had sent their results of Jamie's blood work to the research lab that revealed that either he had yet to be injected with anything, and if he had been, it had quickly been burned off by his rapid healing. Either way, Jamie was completely healthy which seemed to make Steve feel less anxious. However, Bethany just kept thinking about how these people hadn't gotten all the answers they wanted. Or, in reality, hadn't gotten anything they wanted since they had apprehended all of Jamie's blood samples. If their mission was incomplete, would they try again? And if so, how soon? Would they be even more extreme in the future?

"And what about the questioning?" Steve asked Miranda Frems, the woman who was overseeing the entire research department, and personally overseeing their case.

"We're still waiting for some of them," She replied, but presented them with a tablet that had both video and transcripts of the interrogations already conducted. "We've only been sent some of the interrogations, and even then, they've been edited. We've had some trouble getting the door, however, so we haven't been able to interrogate any of them yet."

"We apprehended them," Bethany said, blinking in confusion. "Typically, that means we get first go at questioning."

"Typically, yes. But President Ellis has stated that this is a matter of American security."

"What?" Bethany asked, taking the tablet from Miranda.

"Who has them?" Steve asked, leaning forward slightly.

"The CIA," Miranda responded. "Which I was under the impression was not only okay, but was the instructions."

"Better than having them in the building," Bethany pointed out to Steve. "I guess I didn't think about where they would go. But even if they are with the FBI, CIA, or hell, even the DEA, we've always been presented the opportunity to question who we've apprehended first. And now Ellis has the ability to change that?"  
"I thought you knew," Miranda replied with a sense of panic. "His secretary said he was going to contact you. I guess he hasn't yet."

"Yeah, 'cause he knows I'm probably gonna throw him across the room unless he comes up with a good answer," Bethany mumbled under her breath.

"We should call Sharon," Steve suggested. "See if she can get us in. Or any of us, really. If the CIA has him-"

"Sharon has very little pull over there," Bethany interrupted him. "Even if she should be running the whole damned thing. Every piece of information she has provided us hasn't exactly been through legal ways. She does it as a favor to us. And I'm not sure if her transfer has been officiated yet. She's supposed to be transferred to the Joint Counter Terrorist Unit."

"We should still give her a call," Steve stated firmly. "If Ellis has placed some kind of hush order on this, she'd know."

Bethany knew that Steve wasn't wrong, but the last thing she wanted to do was endanger her friend. But she had a feeling Ellis was grasping at straws, trying to hide something from her and the idea was really ticking her off. Especially since he was usually no help at all and they did this entire mission without help from anyone outside the department... Well, Tony. But Bethany was positive that Tony would never side with Ellis over her.

"Let's just focus on what we _do_ have," Bethany suggested, gesturing to the tablet. "What have you gathered from the prisoners so far?"

"Well, we know that they were hired by a third party. One that was hired by someone else. There seems to be a lot of hidden ranks behind the operation," Miranda began to explain. "They insist that they were going to use Jamie's blood to find the key component of recreating both of your independent serums, but mostly the healing factor. With the results, they were going to use them to cure cancer and whatnot."

"But that's something that _we've_ worked on," Bethany stressed. "With _my_ blood. Which has a direct connection to the serum. Not like Jamie. In his case, it's genetic. And we've come up blank every single time."

"They somehow found out that Jamie's blood helped heal you when you were in the hospital," Miranda explained, carefully wording her sentences. She had worked with Bethany Stark for years at SHIELD, and she knew how short her temper could be. "They figured that this was because of the generation gap, maybe striping the serum's ability to remain in its host. They assume that Jamie's blood can heal others. We don't know for certain that it can't."

"Maybe not, but he's a baby," Steve reminded Miranda.

"I'm not defending them," Miranda asserted. "I'm just stating the obvious. They're scientists. They had an idea. They got the funding. They went to see if it would work. They didn't care that there were limitations to what was legal. Many scientists don't. That's something that happened at SHIELD, and before that, the SSR, on a daily basis."

Bethany sighed, shaking her head while closing her eyes. She knew that Miranda was right, but they never sunk as low as to take a baby away from its family. At least, not that she knew of. "He's a baby," She began. "If Jamie decides he's open to scientific experimentation when he's older, that's his choice. I won't convince him otherwise. But until then, for Jamie's safety, I think we should open a research file indicating that we're conducting a similar experiment and fill it with all negative results. We have the basis of the systematics from my blood work. Just change the basic genetic code a little to match his. Might as well use those blood samples they took from him to keep him safe."

"Good idea," Miranda nodded. "I'll get my team to start working on it."

"Wouldn't you rather see if his blood _could_ heal others?" Steve asked quietly, looking at his wife.

"No," Bethany answered firmly. "Because if it can, it'll put an even bigger target on his back. Let people believe that it can't. It'll keep him safer. What about the thing they injected him with? Serum Four?"

"They could be lying, but no one seems to know," Miranda explained.

"There were no files stating what it contained," Steve began to theorize. "It's a high possibility that they are telling the truth. Compartmentalization."

The last word made Bethany roll her eyes, bringing back memories of their arguments regarding SHIELD and its secrets. That one word and everything it meant cause a lot of fights between the two of them at a time when they barely saw each other. Bethany couldn't even imagine going back to a time when they argued that often and saw each other that little.

"We were also lucky to get injury reports," Miranda explained, taking the tablet back from Bethany, opening a new file and showing it to them. This time, Steve accepted it.

"Really?" Bethany asked, unimpressed. She really didn't care about the reports of the injuries. "Why do they think we want these? Do they think we keep a tally? Who broke the most arms in 2015?"  
Miranda chuckled, truly amused at the idea. "No, actually. Some of the prisoners have threatened legal action of their injuries."

"What?" Bethany asked. This was truly unheard of. In all the years she had been an agent, never once did she hear about a prison threatening to sue for what they _clearly_ deserved.

"Some of them believe that… well, some of their injuries were uncalled for. That they were already subdued and the attacking that followed was uncalled for," Miranda explained carefully.

"How many people?" Bethany asked. "I can't imagine this is a common complaint. Most of them seemed like they were fine, except for the being shot with a tranquilizer part."

"Four," Steve replied, showing her a picture of the people that _she_ had personally dealt with.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Bethany began, holding up her free hand. "Let me get this straight: they kidnap my kid with intentions of conducting illegal human experimentation both against _his_ will and on a minor, and they're trying to sue _me_? Not to mention, I fought _all_ of them off while holding a _baby_ in one arm."

"Well, this woman was sedated when you broke her leg," Steve pointed out, feeling a little smug. It was no secret that he was a little proud of his wife. Not regarding the entire 'unnecessary violence' but for how far she was willing to go to protect their son.

"Okay, but the others weren't!" She protested. "I fought them off fair and square and they aren't getting a dime from me."

"No one is under the impression that they'll actually go ahead with the case," Miranda assured her. "I just felt like it was important to tell you, since some of their complaints are present in the interrogation videos."

"Alright, is there anything else we should know right now?" Steve asked, looking at Jamie's sleeping face. In his mind, Jamie was safe for now. And while they didn't know who was truly behind the kidnapping, he did have _some_ answers.

"No, but I'll inform you as soon as I can. Right now, we're running background checks on all the prisoners. It'll bring us to a lot of dead ends, but we should find out who is behind this eventually."

"Thank you," Bethany told Miranda honestly. "Now to deal with dear, old President Ellis. CHRIS?" Bethany called out seconds before CHRIS's holographic image appeared.

"Yes ma'am?" CHRIS replied with a soft smile.

"Call President Ellis. Let him know that if he intrudes on my missions, I expect a phone call at the very least. But since I found out from one of my employees, I expect him to be at the Facility no later than noon tomorrow to explain to me what the hell he thinks he's doing. _And_ if he refuses, tell him I have no shame of marching all the way down to the White House, kicking the hell out of his bodyguards and dragging him back here by his ear."

"Anything else ma'am?" CHRIS asked, as if this was a completely normal request Bethany was giving her. And for all Steve knew, it very well could be.

"No, I'll do the rest by myself, thank you," Bethany said with a small smile, but Steve could see a tinge of evil in her eyes, still on a high of anger towards the President.

"Very good ma'am," CHRIS replied before flickering off. Bethany then stood up, shifting a sleeping Jamie in her arms and marching out the door. Steve flinched when he saw her raise her fist up and against the glass window fitted beside the door, it cracking under the pressure. Bethany didn't even slow, but continued to walk down the hall.

"That's the Bethany Stark I know," he heard Miranda mumble under her breath before she left to her office. Steve looked at his feet for a moment taking the information harshly. He had known Bethany as a SHIELD agent, but never the dark, angry side that so many SHIELD employees saw on a daily basis. He never got to know that woman, filled with so much anger that it fueled a new type of strength not fully understood by man.

As Steve left the research department, he followed the trail of little pieces of glass and blood left behind by Bethany's fist.


	11. Fine

****A/N: Hey you guys! I'm back. I haven't finished the next chapter yet, but once I get it back from the betas, I'll post it. It might be next weekend however.**

Chapter 11- Fine

 **/ fīn/ adjective. in a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well.**

* * *

President Ellis had agreed to meet with Steve and Bethany the following day, right at noon. Bethany was a little bitter that he was taking advantage of her deadline, but Steve reminded her that he _was_ the President of the United States and probably had other things to attend to. While she didn't exactly like that answer, she begrudgingly accepted it. Opposed to dwelling on the time left until their meeting, Bethany decided that she should spend the remainder of the day doing important things. Such as showering.

Steve and Bethany agreed that it made sense for them to return home to shower, get changed and pack up some of their things up to bring to the Facility. When they announced their plans to their friends, as well as letting them know that they would be staying at the Facility for a few nights while they waited for more answers on Jamie's kidnappers, they insisted on following them to the house in the meantime. Of course, they didn't make it seem as obvious as it clearly was. Instead, they tried to think of reasons why it made sense for _all_ of them to follow the Rogers family back home. And while Bethany and Steve could easily see through their scheme, they didn't mind at all. In fact, it kept them from having to ask for backup protecting in their _own_ home.

Despite everything, Jamie seemed to be fairing well. He was happiest when he was in Bethany's arms, and she had no issue with that. His happy demeanor continued when they walked into the house. Bethany placed Jamie down so she could take her shoes off and he ran into the house, calling out for Molly. When Bethany found him, he was looking under the couch, continually calling for her. Finally, he looked up at his mom and with his head cocked ever-so-slightly to the side asked "Where's Mawly, Mumma?"

Bethany felt her heart flutter for a number of reasons, but specifically because of how fast her boy was growing. She remembered a time when she was actively encouraging him to say his first word and now he was piecing together sentences. Even if it was a basic sentence, he could now communicate in full. "Baby, he's not here. He's at Kiley's."

At first, Jamie seemed confused by the answer, but quickly he looked angry. "I want my Mawly," he told his mother stubbornly.

"I know," Bethany assured him, picking him up from the floor and kissing the side of his head. "And you'll get her. Just as soon as you have a shower. You want to be all nice and clean for your Molly, don't you?"

Bethany wasn't sure if Jamie fully understood her words, but he silently pouted in her arms as she turned to her guests. "Just make yourselves at home," Steve instructed them before gesturing for Bethany to walk up the stairs first.

"Clearly I'm not his favorite person in the world," Bethany joked as they made their way up the stairs.

"Most kids associate their pets as their best friends," Steve told her, earning him a shocked look from Bethany. "I read. And it makes sense. We're his parents. Besides us, he sees Molly the most. And she plays with him."

"More like she indulges him," Bethany chuckled as they made it to their room. She placed Jamie on the floor as Steve closed the door. He stepped forward taking her into his arms. Bethany didn't realize how much she needed his comfort and support until then. She let herself relax ever-so-slightly, leaning all her weight on him. "Thank you," she whispered to him under her breath.

"Lean on me," Steve told her. "Whenever you need to. Okay? That's what I'm here for, remember? And I don't do it because I _have_ to, but because I _want_ to."

"I know," she whispered, looking up to him and giving him a soft smile. "You know that I love you, right?"

He smiled at her, leaning down to kiss her softly. "Yes. Yes, I absolutely do. But I never get tired of you telling me."

"I know you don't," Bethany laughed. "Now, let's go get in the shower before they break something downstairs."

"Yes ma'am," Steve nodded, letting her slip from his embrace. Bethany took Jamie's hand and directed him to the bathroom. She lifted him up onto the counter and tickled him stomach lightly before beginning to undress him.

"Hands up high," Bethany instructed in a sing-song-voice. "Hands up high. Everybody hands up high." Jamie followed the instructions with a goofy smile on his face. She pulled his shirt off him, tickling under his armpits as a signal to put them down. She couldn't help but marvel at his laughter, ringing loudly through the bathroom as if he was the happiest kid in the entire room.

When they were all undressed and the water was warm, Bethany got into the tub and Steve handed her Jamie before he stepped in himself. They made small talk and teased Jamie for a few minutes before they both turned silent, their thoughts on what tomorrow held. Bethany was thinking about exactly what President Ellis was going to tell them. Whether or not his excuse for interrupting and taking over their mission and research would be justified (probably not) and whether or not he would let them interrogate the prisoners at all. While she still didn't want to do it herself, she knew that Natasha was _very_ good at getting answers from people unwilling to give answers. So was Sharon. That's why she was so disappointed, but not at all surprised, that Sharon had not been given anything to do with the case. It wasn't a secret that Sharon and Bethany were close. Bethany helped train Sharon at one point. It wasn't just Peggy that kept them close. Bethany genuinely liked the agent. She had a moral compass and work ethic that reminded her so much of Steve. And obviously she loved Steve.

However, Steve was more concerned about how Bethany would react to what President Ellis would tell them. He was hyperaware of her emotions and actions right now. It seemed her mood would change with a drop of a hat. One minute she'd be scared, the next paranoid, the next red-faced with anger. And while he didn't see Bethany breaking down and crying in front of the President of the United States (her pride was too big for that), he could easily see her throwing him across the room. And that was just not what they needed right now.

But it wasn't just the possibility of her attacking President Ellis. No. He was worried that the events of the last few days were a trigger for her. Her bipolar disorder had been under control since he came out of the ice. Sure, she had her ups and downs since then, but he hadn't seen her have a full blown attack. He knew there was no reason to say anything to her just yet, since he couldn't exactly blame her for feeling the way she was. He was right along with her with her sadness, paranoia and anger. But he didn't throw his fist through a window yet. Nor did he have the urge to do so that day. Bethany hadn't hesitated to do so.

Jamie started to whine as Bethany began to wash his hair, a common tradition when it came to bath or shower time. Reaching to the side of the bathtub, she picked up the rubber duck that was there for moments like this. "What's this?" Bethany asked, grabbing Jamie's attention. "Is it a duck? Quack quack!"

Jamie reached his arms out for the duck, taking it with a huge smile on his face and continually saying "quack quack" as Bethany finished with his hair. "He's growing up so fast," Steve mused.

"I was thinking the same thing," Bethany admitted. "Putting sentences together, knowing what sound an animal makes. I miss the days when he needed me to do everything for him. Including decoding what he wanted from us. Sure, it was tiring. And yes, it's rewarding to see how big he's getting, but I still miss it."  
"You know that there's an easy solution to that," Steve reminded her.

"I know," She whispered as she finished with Jamie's washing. "Okay, well he's all done. And so are you. Why don't you two hop out and I'll follow when I finish getting washed."

"Beth, I didn't mean to make-"

"I know," She told him with a soft smile. "It's fine. I'm fine. Go on."

"Alright," Steve nodded, leaning down to kiss her softly. "I love you."

"You better," She teased him.

"I know I better," Steve laughed as he and Jamie got out of the shower. Bethany waited until they padded themselves dry and left the bathroom, closing the door behind them before she slowly sat down in the tub, pulling her legs close to her body. She felt as if the entire world was starting to collapse onto her. She hated the fact that all of this was happening right now and even more, that she couldn't maintain her strength. She could feel it coming and going in waves.

She felt a tear run down her face and mix in with the water from the shower head. They were so close. So close to achieving a normal life. Life wasn't perfect, but it was for them. They were happy. They felt safe. They were planning on having another baby. And then the forces of evil decided to intervene. What was the point of it all? To get married and have a family if this is what happened every single time they reached some level of security? Would life just have been better if she was still Bethany Stark, cold-hearted agent?

She was tired of asking 'what ifs'. She was tired, period. She just wanted to go away. Far away. So far that no one would ever find them. But she knew that wherever she and Steve went, someone would find them. Someone would recognize them. And they wouldn't be able to live at ease. Being in hiding would only increase their paranoia, their inability to live in peace. They would constantly be worried that something would appear from nowhere and ruin their lives once again. And she hated it. She hated that the world wouldn't just let them be.

Sniffing and running her hand through her wet hair, she pulled herself together and upwards. There was so little that she could control, but keeping herself together when she was with her family was one thing she _could_ do. She didn't want anyone to see her like this… a fraction of who she used to be. There was so much to worry about already, she didn't want to be an added burden. She had dealt with her fading emotions time and time again, and she would continue to do so now.

* * *

Steve was sitting on their bed when Bethany exited the bathroom, wrapped in her robe. Despite the fact that she had plans to dry and style her hair, she wasn't feeling it any more. She was just too damn tired and didn't want to impress anyone. Sure, she was meeting with the President tomorrow, but she wasn't planning on going the extra mile for him. Especially considering the circumstances. But she did duck her face away from Steve as she went to sit at her vanity table, knowing that there was a good chance that her face was still red and puffy from crying.

"Jamie's downstairs," Steve told her, stating the obvious, but needing to say something to fill the silence.

"Okay," Bethany whispered, staring at her hands in her lap.

"If you just want to sleep, they'll understand," Steve told her slowly. "You can stay here, and I'll take Jamie back to the Compound."

"I'm fine," she replied, looking up into the mirror and meeting his eyes through the reflection. Sticking to the promise she made herself in the shower, she gave him the best smile she could muster. It wasn't much, but it seemed to settle Steve a little. "I'm tired, but not exhausted."

"Well, I packed our bags," Steve explained, getting off the bed and moving to stand behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "The group thought it would be helpful if they made us dinner though, so we'll be staying here a little bit longer. If that's okay with you."

"It's fine," Bethany nodded, reaching out for her face cream and hastily rubbing it into her skin to avoid looking at Steve. "It's not like this is where he was taken from us. We have no reason to fear here."

"That's what I thought as well, but I just…" When he faded off, looking away from the mirror, it peaked Bethany's curiosity.

"What?" She asked, turning in her spot to look up at him. "Tell me," she all but demanded.

He hesitated at first, but with a sigh, gave in. "I don't really know where your sense of reasoning is," Steve explained. "It's not that I'm saying you've had a bad sense of reason so-far. I just want to make sure that you're comfortable."

"Believe me Steve, if I didn't think something was safe for Jamie, I would speak up about it," she stated plainly, bringing her comb through her damp locks.

"It's not just about Jamie," she heard him mumbled under his breath.

"What? You afraid I'm going lose it? Huh?" Bethany snapped before she could help it. Shocked in her own actions, she slowly looked up towards Steve who was wearing a similar expression. "I'm-Steve, I'm sorry. I just… I'm tired, that's all," she played it off with a smile.

Steve sighed but sat next to her on the vanity bench, taking her hands in his. "I am afraid," he revealed to her. "And yes, for you. Beth, it's been a few days and you've been… erratic."

"I'm fine," she told him, mentally slapping herself for the words coming out sounding like a whine. "Do you blame me? For being erratic? After what's happened? I'm fine, I just… I just need a few days of peace. A few days where I don't feel like the entire world is out to get me."

Steve leaned in to kiss her forehead after she sniffed, showing that she was on the verge of tears. "I know," he assured her. "You're right. I just want to make sure that's all that it is."

"It is," she insisted, squeezing his hand tightly. "I don't want you to feel like you have to worry about me. You don't. Just worry about Jamie."

"Just because you tell me not to worry doesn't ensure that I won't," Steve reminded her. "I can't help it."

"You have nothing to worry about," Bethany stressed. "I'm not going to lose it. I promise. I won't let myself."

"You and I both know it's not that simple," he whispered to her.

"I've been dealing with my mental health issues for a long time, Steve. I know when I'm about to have a breakdown," she responded, but knowing full well that when she _did_ have a breakdown, she often didn't ask for help. Help was forced upon her. In her manic depressive state, she just wanted to linger. But Steve didn't know that. And she _was_ determined to stay strong so that he wouldn't learn otherwise.

"You'll tell me though, right?" He asked, his eyes filled with more compassion than Bethany thought was possible.

She offered him a smile and a light nod. She wasn't sure if it was convincing, but he kissed her forehead lightly before getting up and letting her get dressed in peace. When he closed the door behind him, Bethany looked at her reflection in the mirror. She wanted nothing more than to throw her fist at the reflective glass. Distort her reflection to look just like how she was on the inside; shattered. Broken. Cracked. Ruined. But she pushed that immediate need back, not to avoid the pain. In fact, she wasn't sure she would feel the pain right now. She hadn't felt the pain earlier when she threw her fist into the window. In fact, it felt _good_.

But she refrained from doing the mirror any harm. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide it from Steve. Even if she found a way to keep him away from the mirror until she could replace the glass, he would still hear the sound. Instead, she took in a few long breaths, trying to center herself. She knew that once she got dressed and made her way downstairs, Jamie would be there, keeping her attention solely on him.

However, she did make a mental note to up her prescription. It pained her to admit that she didn't exactly feel… herself. She felt like she was having an out of body experience. She knew that by increasing her dosage, she would be subjecting herself to a few weeks of increased exhaustion and inability to process even the simplest of pure emotion, but it _would_ cut the edge out. Ultimately, she knew she should tell someone. Steve, firstly. Her friends, secondly. And probably her doctors. But she didn't want _anyone_ to know. Their concern needed to be Jamie. And if Bethany admitted that she could feel her grasp on reality slipping, they would shift their concern. She knew they would. While she wouldn't admit that she was partly keeping this to herself for her pride, she stressed to herself that she was doing this ultimately for Jamie's safety.

* * *

When Bethany finally came downstairs, she could smell spaghetti and tomato sauce cooking, making her smile slightly. She had been craving spaghetti nonstop lately, and clearly her friends were supporting this craving. However, instead of following her nose, she followed the sound of Jamie's laughter. He was happily sitting on the couch, Molly sitting next to him.

"Sam told me he was missing her," Kiley explained when she saw Bethany looking at the pair with a questioning look. "So I thought I'd reunite the two. He was very happy when he saw her."

"Let me guess," Bethany began with a soft smile. "She was not?"

"Ran away until he caught her and then gave in," Kiley confirmed. "Hey, how are you holding up?"

"I-uh, I'm… I'm exhausted. And don't want to deal with the President tomorrow… even though I'm the one who gave him an ultimatum about meeting asap."

"Yeah, and uh… I guess it's not a good time but…" Kiley began, looking nervous.

"What's wrong? He didn't cancel, did he?" Bethany asked, not knowing if she was relieved or not. She would remember this next time she gave an ultimatum.

"No, no. I've been getting a lot of calls from newspapers, reporters, bloggers," Kiley began. "Everyone wants the scoop first. I've been telling them no comment, but it would be a good idea to release an official statement. A simple 'Jamie is in good health and we are requesting that our privacy be respected at this time' will suffice, you just need to officially give me the go-ahead. No one expects you and Steve to go on a talk show or make a news appearance. Well, no one put WHIH."

"You mean Christine Everhart," Bethany corrected before rolling her eyes. "That bitch… you know what?" Bethany quickly added. "Yes. Do it."

"Uh, excuse me?" Kiley asked, taken back.

"Book the interview with Everhart," Bethany explained. "Tomorrow night. Seven."

"Whoa, whoa, stop," Kiley insisted. "Steve, get over here."

"I'm not changing my mind," Bethany stood her ground as Steve walked over.

"What's going on?" Steve asked, looking between Kiley and Bethany.

"She wants to go on WHIH tomorrow night," Kiley stated matter-of-factly, crossing her arms and smiling when Steve had the exact reaction she wanted.

"No, Beth," he stated, shaking his head. "That's not happening."

"Why not? It's the perfect place for me to-"

"To take out all your anger on Everhart?" Steve asked. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see that, but not on National television."

"She's a bitch and would deserve it," Bethany reminded him. "And besides, we'd be talking about Jamie."

"She'd find a way to make it about the Avengers on whole, and she's not exactly reporting positive things about us in the first place," Steve replied. "I'm sorry Beth, but no. I don't agree with this."

"But-"

"Just this one time, can you just accept what I'm saying without argument? Please?" Steve begged, placing his hands on her shoulders. When she sighed and reluctantly nodded, he brought her into his arms, holding her tightly and kissing the top of her head. "Thank you. Now, let's eat."

The large group sat at the table, Steve pulling out the chair for Bethany at the head of the table. She graciously took it, watching as Steve strapped Jamie into his high chair. The living room table was one they didn't often use. On a normal day, it was littered with reports and books, and sometimes random pieces of technology. But someone had cleared all that away, laid a beautiful table cloth on it and organized the food in an Instagram worthy way. But it wasn't the setup, nor the food laid on the table that gave Bethany the first sense of real peace that day. Looking down the table, she saw her closest friends actually happy, passing baskets and plates, asking for the cheese and wine. There was this sense of calm in the room. She was certain she wasn't the only one who felt it. Despite the circumstances that brought them together being far from normal, it _did_ feel normal. This was her family. And all they wanted was what was best not only for Jamie, but for her. And for Steve.

"Beth?" Steve spoke quietly, pulling back her attention. He looked down at the bowl of pasta in his hands, offering it to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled taking it and scooping herself a large plateful. When she looked back up at Steve, he was still looking at her with a sense of worry in his eyes. She wasn't sure if it was the moment, the sense of calm, or a glimpse of her normal reasoning, but she wanted to tell him, right then and there, that she was planning on increasing her dosage. Because despite wanting to keep it a secret from him for all the right reasons in the first place, she knew that telling him wouldn't make him worry any less.

"When it's just us, I need to tell you something," She whispered to him before passing the pasta bowl to Wanda, who was on her left.

"Okay," Steve nodded, giving her a small, reassuring smile. "I'm glad," he revealed, making Bethany realize that he wasn't fooled by her earlier behavior. She had been just so blinded by everything that she didn't want to accept that telling Steve was better than not telling him. Keeping it from him would only hurt him. She had learned that lesson long ago and it seemed to be a mistake she kept making.

Looking to her right, she smiled as she saw Jamie picking at his meal with his hands. They were trying to get him to start using utensils, but he wouldn't have any of it. He was happy either being served _with_ utensils by his parents, or feeding himself with his hands. But by the way Jamie was acting, it was as if nothing had happened. As if it was just a normal day, a part of a normal week.

* * *

After dinner, Bethany pulled Steve downstairs to talk. The team had volunteered to clean the table and the dishes, and Bethany was more than willing to accept the offer. She felt like it was the perfect time to talk to Steve, and that downstairs where there were punching bags might be a better place to talk than upstairs in their beautifully decorated room. She wasn't sure if Steve would throw his fist into a punching bag, but she knew that she probably would.

"What's on your mind?" Steve asked after they closed the door and walked into the middle of the training room.

Bethany jiggled her foot absentmindedly and crossed her arms, knowing that she couldn't let her nerves talk her out of this. The sense of calm from dinner was wearing off and soon it would be gone all together. "You're right," She finally admitted, looking into his eyes. "I'm not fine. I'm not."

"I know," Steve whispered taking a few steps towards her. "What do you want to do? What do you want me to do?"

"I-uh... I figured I'd increase my dosage. It's relatively low right now, and while increasing it is like a punch to the gut, better safe than sorry. I don't want to risk this not passing with time and sleep, and end up doing something in front of Jamie that I'll regret."

"That sounds like a good start," Steve agreed. "It could just be what happened. You're right, you may just need time and sleep. But why should we risk it? Especially since we know what the outcome might be."

Bethany nodded before she felt her strength crumble. She fell into Steve's arms as she began to cry. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Struggling to tell me?" Steve asked as he rubbed her back soothingly. "For _possibly_ having a breakdown? Beth, you told me. And you told me before it got too much for you to handle. And that's all that matters. Earlier, I was convinced that you wouldn't tell me, even if I knew myself that something was off. I'm glad you said something. That I don't have to force you to recover."

"I don't want Jamie to see me weak," Bethany stressed, looking up at Steve. "I don't want the team to know either. I wanted to keep it a secret so that you guys could focus just on Jamie. I figured that you..."

"That I would still worry about you even if you kept quiet?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow and giving her a knowing smirk. "I always worry about you. But I want you to know, it's not always a worry of crippling fear. It's a voice in the back of my mind always wondering 'is Bethany okay? Is she warm? Is she happy?' I can't control that voice."

"I get it," Bethany promised him. "And yes. But please, don't tell them. If I feel like everyone around me is walking on eggshells, treating me like a cracked porcelain doll, I'll just-"

"Shh," Steve whispered, holding her closer to his body. "I know, Doll Face. It'll be our secret. And just because you're struggling with mental health doesn't make you weak. You fighting it? It makes you stronger. It's more than physical strength. I think you're the strongest person I've ever met. And even when you have bad days, weak moments, you're still strong."

Bethany sniffled, pulling herself impossibly closer to Steve. "This sucks," she mumbled against his chest, his body shaking with laughter.

"Yes, yes, it does," Steve agreed. "Especially since I know you've worked hard over the years to maintain your mental health. I am happy that this time, I'll be here to help you through it all. If that's needed. Hey, it could be nothing. You could just be a normal human being going through a hard time, which you are. It doesn't mean it's bipolar. Just keep telling yourself that."

"How about you keep telling me that? I listen more to you."

"We both know that's not true," Steve replied with a laugh, kissing the top of her head. "But I will anyways. They're talking about making coffee and having some leftover cake. Do you want to stay a little longer, or go to bed? I'm fine with whatever."

"We can stay," Bethany answered, looking up to him. "Being in the house... it doesn't necessarily feel safer. But it's home."

"I know," Steve nodded, leaning down to her kiss her. Bethany snaked her arms around his neck and pressed up against the tips of her toes to have a more intimate moment. She was tired and still felt wary and off centered, but she did feel better in Steve's arms, keeping no secrets from him.

"Hey lovebirds!" They heard Sam yell through the basement door. "C'mon up, we have something to show you."

At first, they didn't move, Bethany holding Steve firmly in her arms. But when Sam banged on the door obnoxiously, she chuckled and gave in. "Okay, we're coming!" She called out as she broke apart from Steve. She smiled at him when he took her hand instead, intertwining their fingers before they made their way upstairs. "Okay, what?" Bethany asked when they opened the door.

"I believe this is yours," Kiley began, handing Bethany Jamie before Kiley began going up the stairs. Bethany and Steve looked towards Sam in confusion while he only chuckled and gestured for them to follow Kiley. When they didn't immediately follow, Kiley yelled down from over the bannister. "Rogers! Get your butt up here now."

Bethany sighed which brought a chuckle to Steve's lips and they followed their instructions, the entire wondering team following behind them. They found Kiley in the room to their bedroom door, where a brisk breeze was drifting through. "Come on!" Kiley insisted, slightly less angry and more excited this time.

They followed her onto the balcony, their eyes lighting with wonder at what they saw. The snow had been dusted off the balcony altogether, the chairs covered in thick blankets. On the small coffee table sat three mugs filled with hot chocolate and a small plate of cookies. Little twinkly Christmas lights had been strung around the bars of the balcony and on the doors as well. Finally, a small portable heater sat in the corner of the balcony, blowing what little heat it could in the January air.

"What's this?" Bethany asked in a dumbfounded manner.

"The fireworks," Sam began to explain. "They'll start in three minutes. We figured the three of you could watch them up here, all cozy and warm."

"It's beautiful," Bethany whispered, still trying to grasp her mind on the scene in front of her. They hadn't been in the basement all that long, so this would have had to be in progress almost all day. Now she felt _really_ guilty for keeping secrets from her friends.

"It was all Kiley's idea," Sam explained, with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Oh hush up," Kiley replied, hitting him lightly on the chest. "I had lots of help."

"Regardless, thank you," Steve said honestly. "This... this is great."

"Okay, everyone out!" Kiley snapped. "They'll start any minute now."

As the group headed back downstairs, Bethany and Steve situated themselves on the balcony. Steve insisted Bethany take the chair closer to the heater and bundled Bethany and Jamie up tightly in their blankets before he plopped down on his own. Bethany handed Jamie his hot chocolate, helping him carefully to take small sips of the sweet beverage, a smile breaking out on his face every time he did.

When the fireworks began, soft music drifted from a small speaker inside their room. In wasn't in time with the fireworks, but it helped make the moment all the more magical. At first, Jamie didn't like the loud banging and pounding brought by every burst of light, but after Bethany covered his ears with her hands, he enjoyed it more. His eyes lit up with every spark, a large smile on his face. Bethany had a hard time keeping her eyes on the fireworks. The joy on Jamie's face was more beautiful to her than any firework show could ever be.

* * *

 ****A/N: Next chapter will have the Ellis-Rogers confrontation. Buckle up.**

 **MaddazaHatter: Yup! And thank you :)**

 **ImsebastianstanButter: And there's the fact that things aren't exactly drama-free right now.**

 **anonymouscsifan: It's bringing out the old Bethany a little too much... But this time, she's trying to deal with it the right way. Thank you! The procedure went great and I now have a diagnosis and treatment plan for an huge health issues I've been dealing with for way too long. If the meds work (which they have been!) I should be getting back to a sort of normal I haven't felt in a really long time.**

 **Jo: Nope, Ross had nothing to do with it. It's all Ellis. And thank you! The procedure went great and I'm on the road to a better life :)**


	12. Blackmail

****A/N: I'll just stop making excuses for not updating regularly.**

* * *

Chapter 12- Blackmail

 **/ˈblakˌmāl/ verb. to force or coerce into a particular action, statement, etc.**

* * *

Steve had been surprised when Jamie jumped out of Bethany's arms and ran out of the room, but he didn't move when Bethany told him she'd follow him. Steve assumed he was ready to do something new. Play with something, or chase the cat around some more. But when ten minutes had passed, Steve got up and went looking for them. It didn't take long to find them, curled up in Jamie's bed, both fast asleep. Steve wasn't sure how that had happened, but he decided that the best thing for them was to stay asleep. They both needed it.

When Steve told the rest of the team what had happened, they all volunteered to stay at the house with them. While part of him was questioning if it was necessary, he didn't argue. There was no point. They had divided up the room spaces, everyone getting a bed or a couch, with Steve telling Sam and Kiley to take the master bedroom. He had plans to sleep on the rocking chair in Jamie's room. It wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, but he had spent many nights in worse conditions.

He moved the rocking chair closer to Jamie's bed, wanting to be as close to them as he could without being disruptive to their sleeping, when Natasha came in with a pillow and blanket. "Thought this might make the arrangements better," she told him with a smile.

Steve gave her a heartfelt smile, accepting the two. "Thanks Romanoff." Natasha looked at the sleeping bundles in the bed and smiled softly.

"They'll both be okay, Steve," she whispered to him. "Don't doubt it. And don't blame yourself. The world is cruel enough without you believing that you're the one who is to blame. Good night."

"Night," he whispered back, settling into a comfortable position. Only a night light illuminated the room, casting long shadows against the walls. Jamie was curled up against Bethany's body, his fingers wrapped loosely around one of Bethany's curls. He wished he knew what was going through his son's head. Bethany's as well, but Bethany's mind was a self-proclaimed labyrinth. He'd just get lost. But Jamie was so young that it was probably easy to travel through his thoughts and feelings. But ultimately, Steve just wanted to know if Jamie was really okay. Because despite the fact that he seemed to be doing fine, he had constantly been with people he knew, loved and trusted. What would happen when they expect him to sleep in his own bed, without them in the room?

How did they ensure his security without being helicopter parents? How did they make him feel secure without making him dependent on them? These were questions he never had to answer to before, but now he was searching for answers. Because he wanted his son to feel free, but safe. To be independent but with his parent's security. It was all so confusing. And he knew some people would tell him that he had time to make these decisions, but realistically, he didn't. Jamie was growing smarter every single day. But it had taken a lot of work and effort to get him to sleep in his own bed in the first place. But not only did he have to deal with Jamie, but with Bethany as well. He didn't see her accepting Jamie sleeping in a room alone any time soon.

All he wanted to do was to protect them. He had made them both promises. Multiple times. And even though he wanted to keep all the promises he had made, that was the most important one to keep. And it wasn't just for them, but for him as well. He couldn't imagine what life would be like without either one of them. If he lost one of them, it would be unbearable. Two? He couldn't even imagine.

Looking at his wife's face, seeing how calm she looked in her sleep, he was reminded of his compulsive need to protect her. She could very well protect herself. And Jamie as well. He had seen her prove her talent for combat through the years and he knew just how strong her love for Jamie was. But it didn't matter. She could be stronger than him in every sense of the word, and he would still have that compulsive need. It wasn't just because of the way he loved her. She just had this energy about her that made him feel like despite the fact she could take care of herself, he had to protect her as well. He could easily remember the first time he promised he would take care of her. It wasn't even when they were together. It was months beforehand. And for Steve to tell Bethany how he felt back then, it was almost impossible. He would stutter over his sentences, but somehow he had promised her he would take care of her.

 _A meeting with Colonel Phillips went way longer than anyone had anticipated. Bucky had credited to the fact that Steve and Phillips weren't seeing eye-to-eye on the situation and spent the majority of the meeting bickering. But Steve knew that Phillips was being unreasonable. While he was still Steve's superior, Steve was going to do whatever was right at the end of the day, even if it was against a direct order. If Phillips had a problem with that, Steve didn't really care._

 _He had been gone on a mission for a few days and had only briefly_ _seen_ _Bethany's blonde ponytail swinging back and forth as she headed down a hallway earlier that day. He felt like it had been months since the last time he saw her. And while he didn't want to sound like a heartsick fool, he had been hoping that she'd be there to welcome him back. She usually was, but he knew that at the end of the day, she was there to work. Just like him. She couldn't just wait for him to come back. But when she did, the huge smile on her face would make his heart pound so loud that he was afraid that everyone would hear it. He hadn't got that yet, and he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't soon._

 _But it was late. And it was a Friday night. He knew that she wasn't at the base. There was no way that a beautiful girl like Bethany would be unnecessarily holed up in the_ _base_ _on a Friday night if she didn't have to. He knew that she was probably out, having accepted some other soldier's invitation with a soft smile. He knew it all too well. He saw her give soldier's that same smile every time they asked her. But Steve always reminded himself that he preferred that large smile she gave him when he returned from a mission over the meek smiles she gave the others._

 _"_ _You going out?" Bucky asked Steve. Steve already knew that Bucky was. Bucky and Bethany were cut from the same cloth. They both enjoyed going out, even if it was just to soak in the music and energy from the room. "What am I saying? Of course you are. 'Cause Bethany is out."_

 _Steve didn't respond, merely shoving his hands into his pockets. He didn't want to get into this again with Bucky. It was usually the same old thing, but at the end of the day, nothing would change. Yes, Bethany seemed to be more comfortable with him than anyone else, sometimes even more than Howard, but he couldn't let it get to his head._

 _"_ _Fine, I'll drop it," Bucky offered, sensing Steve's mood. "But only after I say this: She may go on dates with fellas, but she's never gone out with a guy more than once. It's like she does it purely to give them a chance to impress her and they don't. Maybe that's just how she is, but you and I both know there's a lot more to her."_

 _"_ _I'm going to drop this off," Steve replied, holding up his notebook. "I'll meet you there?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, whatever you want pal," Bucky sighed, patting him on the back once before Steve slipped down a hallway to his room. His mind was blank as he walked along but came to a halt when he saw a blonde sitting in front of his door, inspecting her nails._

 _"_ _Bethany?" He asked, shocked to see her there instead of already at the bar. She looked up, that beautiful smile he had been craving lighting up her face._

 _"_ _Steve!" She greeted, reaching out for the hand he was offering to help her up._

 _"_ _What are you doing here? I thought you'd already be out," he told her, trying to slow his speeding heart._

 _"_ _Well, I knew you came back today," she began, stepping aside so he could let himself into his room. "And today was just… it was just really busy for me. I wasn't sure if you'd be coming out tonight, but I wanted to welcome you back. So are you?"_

 _"_ _Am I what?" Steve asked as he dropped his notebook on his rickety desk and_ _turned_ _to face her. She was now leaning against his doorframe, still smiling at him._

 _"_ _Coming to the bar," She chuckled. "I understand if you're too tired."_

 _"_ _No, I'll come," Steve replied. "Didn't have a date tonight?"_

 _Bethany rolled her eyes but stepped out of his way once again so he could close his door and they could be on their way. "That idiot Jerrkins asked me out. I only said 'yes' because I felt bad for him. Until this afternoon when he made some not-so-nice comments about his plans for tonight, which I naturally overheard."_

 _"_ _Naturally," Steve replied, but already knowing his fist would be making acquaintance with Jerrkins' face soon._

 _"_ _I mean, the word 'jerk'_ is _in his name, so I shouldn't be surprised. Anyways, I called it off, but I have a feeling he'll be there anyways. And if I stay in, I'll look like the pathetic one. So at least I have you to protect me," she teased him._

 _"_ _What was he saying?" Steve asked her, taking the conversation to a serious turn._

 _"_ _Nothing I can't deal with," She promised him. "It's not your job to beat up every guy that makes a rude remark to me."_

 _"_ _It's not just about you," Steve replied, only lying a little bit. "If no one teaches them a lesson, they won't learn."_

 _"_ _Never thought about_ _it_ _like that," Bethany responded before shrugging the conversation off. "No date for yourself?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, right," He chuckled, rolling his eyes._

 _"_ _Why do you sell yourself so short, Rogers? You could have your pick of girls. They'd all be fools to say 'no' to you. There has to be someone who's caught your eye."_

 _"_ _Even if there was," he began, treading carefully. "I'd be too embarrassed to ask them. Not everyone has your confidence."_

 _"_ _It's contagious," Bethany teased, tossing him a wink. "Soon enough, you'll have the confidence to ask out anyone you'd like. I bet there are starlets in Hollywood drooling over you."_

 _"_ _Stop," Steve mumbled._

 _"_ _Steve, you're a catch!" Bethany insisted. "I don't just overhear jerks. I overhear the girls here too. You're handsome. You're strong. You're passionate. You're a gentleman. And when you're riding your bike, you have the bad boy image girls fawn over. Without being a jerk. And I get it. Maybe you haven't had luck in the past. But all those girls were fools because you're the nicest guy I've ever met. Girls might like the bad boy image, but they know better than to fall for them. Everyone wants someone who will treat them like… like they're the only person in the world."_

 _"_ _Thanks Bethany," Steve whispered, feeling his cheeks pinking under the weight of her compliments. Bethany continued to talk about Steve's attributes, naming all the girls she had overheard talking about him. Through it all, Steve got more and more embarrassed. But there was a little voice in the back of his mind telling him that these were things she agreed with. She liked his personality. She was calling him handsome. And it was evident that she liked his company. Maybe if he was really patient, one day he would get enough courage to do something about their mutual feelings. Or maybe he was over reading the situation and she really just thought of him as a friend. Either way, he did enjoy when she got into her non-stop ramblings, occasionally talking to herself, but allowing him to hear what was going on in her mind._

 _When they reached the bar, Bethany took a grasp of Steve's hand and began to pull him deeper into the bar. A bunch of their friends were already sitting at a table, throwing back their drinks like they were going out of style._

 _"_ _Ah, look who's here!" Howard called out, his arm wrapped around some blonde wearing a skimpy red dress._

 _"_ _Yes, yes, I have arrived," Bethany flaunted with a teasing tone before sitting on Gabe's lap. "Let the fun begin."_

 _It wasn't long before they saw Jerrkins dancing with a dark-haired French girl. While Bethany didn't care about him attempting to show off in front of her, she had told Steve she had planned to stay out later than them. Especially since turning in early, with a man on her arm, would defeat the purpose of calling him out earlier. But it was close to midnight, past curfew and Jerrkins was only now leading his French girl out the doors._

 _"_ _Finally," Bethany mumbled, finishing off her drink. The bar was almost empty. Steve had stayed back with Bethany. It was too dangerous for her to be out alone at this time. It didn't matter that he was tired. Bethany herself looked exhausted. In fact, Bucky had misread Bethany's exhaustion for drunkenness, but Steve knew that wasn't possible._

 _"_ _Ready to leave?" Steve asked her._

 _She nodded slowly but made no move. "I don't want to get up."_

 _Steve chuckled, pushing out his chair and standing up. "Want a lift?"_

 _Bethany looked up at him, giving him a soft smile. "Maybe just someone to lean on?"_

 _"_ _Come on," Steve replied softly, helping her up and wrapping his arm around her to keep her steady. As they made their way back, Steve kept looking down at Bethany, who he was convinced was half-asleep. Her eyes were closed and she was barely moving at all, but Steve didn't pressure her. He maintained the same pace until she stopped altogether. Chuckling under his breath, he stooped down and picked her up as carefully as he could. Her head naturally rested on his chest, nuzzling itself in her sleep._

 _Walking through the base, he got some looks from fellow soldiers, some clearly questioning, some with knowing looks. But in actuality, everything about the situation was innocent. He planned to simply take her to her room, place her on her bed. Maybe take off her heels. Pull her sheet over her so she'd stay warm._

 _Taking off her heels was easy enough, but as he tried to pull the wool blanket over her body, she jolted awake. He took a step back, watching as the surrounding registered in her mind. For a quick second, she looked wild but realization came over her and she looked up at him. "What happened?"_

 _"_ _You, uh… You fell asleep," Steve told her carefully._

 _Sitting up in her bed, she smacked her lips together absentmindedly as she thought hard about something. "And you carried me home?"  
"Yes," Steve nodded slowly._

 _"_ _Well, thanks," She told him before leaning her head back against the back wall and sighing._

 _"_ _Something wrong?" He asked her awkwardly._

 _"_ _No," she said before groaning. "Yes. Yes. Today… today was awful, Steve."_

 _"_ _Yesterday," Steve corrected, earning a pointed look from Bethany. "Sorry, continue."_

 _"_ _I just…" She shook her head, taking a minute to gather her words. "Phillips called me into his office this morning. Plainly asked me what I was doing here. I was so caught off guard that I stared at him for a good minute or so, saying nothing. That gave him plenty of time to think of a few reasons why he should send me home."_

 _"_ _But you-you're the only one who worked directly with Dr. Erskine. And you help Howard. And the nurses when it gets busy," Steve listed off, awkwardly standing beside her bed._

 _"_ _Yeah, but I don't have a specific role," She explained. "I do what is needed of me. Sure, it's helpful but not necessary."_

 _"_ _So… is he sending you home?" Steve asked carefully, trying to hide his emotions._

 _"_ _He would have if I didn't remind him that I'm not being paid by the government, but by Stark Industries. But part of me feels like I should go. Being here is such a risk for someone finding out my secret. One small accident, and I'm exposed. Shipped off to Alamogordo or worst for medical testing. So much testing that I'll wish I could die."_

 _"_ _That's not going to happen," he told her firmly._

 _"_ _You don't know that, Steve," she sighed, shaking her head._

 _"_ _Yes, I do," Steve promised. "I won't let it. You don't deserve that. No one does. But you especially. Okay? Nothing will happen to you."_

 _She looked up at him, her eyes shining slightly, with a hint of a smile on her face. She thanked him quietly before wishing him a good night and slipping down into her bed._

* * *

Bethany woke up with a crick in her neck and the desire to just fall back to sleep for a few more hours. But the night before settled into her mind and she jolted awake, Jamie's room surrounding her. Jamie wasn't in the bed next to her, but sitting on Steve's lap on the rocking chair. He looked up to her with a concerned expression. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded, yawning and running her hand through her hair. "I guess we fell asleep?"

Steve chuckled. "Just a bit. Sleep well?"

"I did," Bethany replied, sitting up against the wall. "I'm guessing you didn't."

"I've slept in worse fixes," Steve reminded her.

"Maybe," Bethany began, her face soft. "But I know you. How much sleep did you actually get?"

He sighed, shifting Jamie on his lap. The boy was looking at one of his books quietly, lost in the imaginary world in front of him. "Enough," he promised her. "I'm not tired. If I get the chance to work out this morning, that'd be nice, but I'm good for today."

"What time is it?" Bethany asked, rubbing one of her eyes.

Steve reached out for his phone, which was resting on the changing table. "Just after seven. Lots of time before President Ellis shows up."

"Great," she replied, her voice lacking all emotion. "Is it too late to postpone?"

"A little. You're the one who insisted it was today," he reminded her.

"I know, I know," Bethany sighed. "I just don't feel like putting on a mean front today. Obviously I don't have a choice."

"You don't have to be mean," Steve responded with a shrug. "We could go in there calm and collected."

"Yeah, right," Bethany scoffed.

"Or you can stay here with Jamie, and I can go by myself," he suggested.

"No," she replied instantly. "Not at all. I have to be a part of this. We both do. It's our son's life. _Our_ life. I'm whining because I'm lazy. Just ignore me."

Steve chuckled at her words, which pulled Jamie out of his wonderful fairy tale world. "Hun-grwy Daa-dee," he told him, looking up at his father.

"I bet you are," Steve replied, taking the book and putting it aside so that he could stand Jamie up on his legs. "We can go down and make a nice big breakfast, with pancakes and eggs and lots of fruit. How does that sound? Beth?"

"Sounds amazing," Bethany hummed with a smile. "I'll help you, I just want to go wash my face and brush my teeth." Knowing that she'd lose her ability to be productive, she got up right away, heading to her bedroom but stopping in the doorframe when she saw two shapes in her bed. She tilted her head in confusion before backtracking back to Jamie's room, standing in the doorframe.

"Oh!" Steve remembered when he saw her. "Kiley and Sam are in our bed. Everyone is here by the way."

"They didn't have to stay," Bethany replied.

"Yeah, they did," Steve sighed, getting up and letting Jamie down on his own feet. "For now, we accept their hovering because we secretly are thankful for it."

"Just a bit," Bethany admitted. Steve walked over to her, placing his hands on Bethany's shoulders. "Hi."

"Hi," Steve smiled, leaning down to kiss her softly. "No matter what happens today, I'm not going to let anything happen to our family. You know that right?"

"I know you'd rather die than let anything happen to us," Bethany whispered. "But I wouldn't like that very much." Bethany attention drifted back over to Jamie who was standing over his toy chest, pulling out his old Hulk plushie. "I just want us all to be together."

"And we will be," Steve told her, leaning down to kiss her again.

* * *

Bethany stood at the window, one of her legs jiggling impatiently. They had received word that President Ellis had arrived, but it had been five minutes since and he hadn't arrived into their conference room yet. Bethany had refused to meet him at the helicopter pad, no matter how much sweet talking Steve did. He decided not to pressure her and had joined her in the room. Their friends had offered to sit with them, but Steve and Bethany both knew that the best thing would be if it was just them and President Ellis. Their only exception was Jamie. He sat on one of the chairs, a booster seat holding him in place, colouring in a notepad. Steve was taking turns looking between Bethany's shaking leg and Jamie's mindless chattering and scribbling. They were stark opposites. Jamie was carefree and at ease while Bethany was nervous and tense. And he was sure that if he could see her face, angry too.

"Daa-dee?" Jamie spoke softly, his stubby little fingers holding onto a coloured pencil, offering it to his father,

Steve smiled at his son, accepting the pencil and placing a kiss on the top of his head. "What are we drawing here, huh?" Steve asked before he began to colour a cartoon dog in the corner of the page.

"What the hell is taking him so long?" Bethany mumbled, her patience running thin as she moved away from the window to stand behind Jamie's chair.

"Relax a spell," Steve suggested. "He's here. He'll be with us soon. Grab a chair, a pencil and just relax. Okay?"  
Bethany gave Steve an annoyed look, but begrudgingly followed his instructions. "I just don't get why he gets to keep us waiting. We shouldn't be having this meeting in the first place."

"I know you're frustrated," Steve began.

"And you're not?" Bethany asked exasperatedly.

"Of course I am," Steve corrected her. "I'm just hiding it a lot better than you."

A smile threatened to pull at Bethany's lips at his words, but she fought it back. "I'm happy our boy seems to be okay."

"It's a blessing," Steve agreed. "And after this meeting, we head to the infirmary. Okay? I want you on a higher dose as soon as possible."

"Yes sir," Bethany replied with a soft smile, but it dropped as soon as the door opened and President Ellis walked into the room.

Steve stood up, offering his hand to the President, as well as a formal greeting, but Bethany stayed where she was, content with just staring up at the President like he was the devil incarnate.

"Mrs. Rogers," Ellis greeted as he took a seat at the table.

"Matt," Bethany said, stressing the fact that she was not going to play nice.

"And this must be little James Rogers," Ellis continued, ignoring Bethany's attitude.

"Well, you should know for sure, considering you seem to be extremely invested in him," Bethany snapped, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

"Mrs. Rogers, I'd appreciate it if we could discuss this in a civilized manner," Ellis said with a sigh.

"No, uh huh," Bethany disagreed. "See, maybe I'd be okay with that if you had come to us, explained your uncalled for involvement to us, but no. I had to force your ass to get here."

"Beth," Steve said under his breath, warning her slightly. He knew she was angry and didn't exactly have patience himself, but he knew that they needed to get information from Ellis and being snarky didn't guarantee that in the least.

"We have a lot to discuss," Ellis agreed, folding his hands together. "Let's all sit and talk about this as professionally as we can."

"Okay, well…" Bethany began, taking a deep breath. "We called you here today because we feel like it's our right as parents to have the information you're keeping from us."

"If we weren't who we are," Steve began, elaborating on Bethany's words. "We'd be involved in the investigation. The parents would be working with the authorities. By keeping information from us, it's just putting Jamie in more danger."

"Not to mention that we were the ones who started the investigation," Bethany pointed. "We're the ones who found him. We should be getting rights to the investigation, regardless of our connection to the case."

"See, I disagree," Ellis began patiently. "Your close involvement means you'd take manners into your own hands, just like you did. If you were normal parents, you wouldn't have started the investigation by yourselves. Like you said, you'd be working _with_ the authorities. Not bossing them around. Not taking the reins by yourselves. You used your status and abilities as the Avengers to find your son. So already the situation isn't a normal one."

"Regardless," Bethany shook her head. "It was our investigation. It's our son. And no matter what, you wouldn't involve yourself in a kidnapping."

"No, not unless I thought that it was a concern of national security," Ellis explained.

"Pardon?" Steve asked, placing a protective hand on Jamie's back.

"How does a one-and-a-half-year-old toddler jeopardize national security?" Bethany demanded.

"Not the boy, the kidnappers," Ellis clarified. "These people were well-equipped. And from our investigation, there are massive gaps. Few knew who they were employed by, but even in that situation, they were hired by other people. We're not sure how deep this runs. And if it was a normal child, they wouldn't be taking blood samples with possible intentions of experimentation."

"So you don't think what they're saying about using his blood samples to find cures to deadly diseases?" Bethany asked, not at all surprised since she had admitted to having similar ideas.

"No," Ellis confirmed. "My staff and I think that they were going to use the blood samples to pinpoint the genetic code to unlock the key to the super soldier serum. And _that_ is a national threat."

"What are your theories? An enemy group? Country?" Steve asked, not liking the idea that his son was being used as a potential weapon.

"We're looking into it," was all the President said.

"How do we know you're telling us the truth?" Bethany asked suddenly, everyone turning to look at her in shock. "What? I know how to play this game. I've been a game piece in it way too long. What if you're just saying all of this to get us off your scent, and really your goons are behind this?"

"Why would you think that?" Ellis asked, completely off guard.

"Because I know you," Bethany smirked. "You're constantly looking for a way to strengthen America's defense. If you had it your way, you'd make sure the Avengers worked for you and you _only_."

Ellis sighed, narrowing his eyes. "If I wanted blood samples from your son, I could get them without blinking."

"Excuse me?" Steve asked, not liking the threat that was associated with his words.

"The blood that is running through _both_ of your bodies? The serums that have altered your genes? That belongs to the United States of America. _Legally._ And by default, so does your son. If I did want blood samples, whether yours or his, I wouldn't need an elaborate scheme."

Steve felt his blood run cold and goosebumps break out all over his body. Luckily for him, Bethany's was running hot, fueling her anger. "Is that a threat?"

"No," Ellis said nonchalantly. "I'm just informing you."

Bethany let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. "Then why haven't you? Done it? I know you. I know people like you. You're all after the same thing; power. And we know that having an army of genetically engineered soldiers is something you've been craving. Don't try to deny it."

"Because with the samples we _do_ have, we haven't been able to figure out how to isolate the gene to recreate the serum. Not just that, but finding people to trust with the information? This is a dog-eat-dog world. One small leak, one small pay-off and we're dealing with another country with an army of genetically engineered soldiers looking to do one thing and one thing only."

"Destroy the United States," Steve answered with a sigh.

"We are not short of enemies," Ellis reminded them. "I understand where you two are coming from. But I need you to understand that if my suspicions are correct-"

"You want us to stay out of it?" Bethany asked. "Are you forgetting the capabilities of this team? We can help more than hinder."

"That may be possible, but it is also highly possible that you'll let your connection get in the way," Ellis spoke bluntly. "I just need you to know that the information we're keeping from you will in no way put your son in danger. It's our intent to keep him safe to keep our country safe."

"You keeping stuff from us keep us from getting even."

"Which is exactly why I think you'll get in the way, Mrs. Rogers," Ellis said, losing his calm demeanor.

"We appreciate that you want to keep Jamie safe," Steve quickly interjected to keep Bethany from getting into a full-blown battle with the President of the United States. "Tony has revamped the security and we're working on maintaining a safe perimeter. We've established that even with our old system and protocols, it was impossible for them to take him, which is why they did it the way they did."

"This property might just be the most secure in the country," Ellis agreed. "I can have representatives from the Secret Service work here to help make sure all stops are being exercised."

"Hell no," Bethany snapped before Steve could accept. "I don't want your representatives crawling on the inside, ready to spill all our secrets at a moment's notice."

"Mrs. Rogers," President Ellis began, sighing. "We're on the same side."

"See, if that was true, you wouldn't be keeping vital information from us," Bethany snipped.

"I'm trying to protect the country-"

"The country? Or yourself? Are you doing what's best for the country? Or are you thinking more along the lines of this being the last year of your term and just serving your own interests?"

"Beth," Steve whispered, trying to catch her attention. If he did, she elected to ignore it.

"Are you going to give us that information willingly or not?" Bethany asked, challenging the President. When he said nothing, Bethany let out a dry laugh and let a smirk split her face. "That's what I thought. You know, Mr. President, there's a lot worse things than impeachment."

"Is that a threat?" Ellis asked, not at all fazed.

"Just an observation," Bethany replied smugly. "I've been walking this Earth a lot longer than you. I've been playing this game longer than anyone else. I can _easily_ make your life a lot harder than it already is just by spilling a secret or two. A mere whisper."

"Beth," Steve said again, not liking that she was essentially blackmailing the President.

"No," she replied, looking to Steve this time. "I'm going to do everything I can to protect our son. If that means stealing, cheating, blackmailing or even murder, you know I'll do it. Now murder seems a little hasty. If the other three fail, which I don't expect they will, it'll be a nice backup plan."

Ellis' face was red now. He wasn't scared like anyone else in his position would be, but angry. "What do you want?"

"You _know_ what I want," Bethany snapped. "Give me the full damn transcripts, videos, information and access to the prisoners. And not in a week, not in a few days. By the end of the day. The only thing I have to lose is my family. But you? You're still young, naïve and innocent enough to lose _everything_. Don't be an idiot and gamble with that. Because I'll win. And the way I'm feeling now, you don't want to even take the chance. Is that understood?"

Ellis sat there, his face still red, but he looked defeated in his anger. Bethany was threatening him, with no real evidence on the table, but it was like Ellis knew that Bethany was telling the truth. Steve didn't doubt that Bethany had enough dirt to bury Ellis and his entire team under with. He also didn't doubt that she'd find a way to steal the information she wanted. But she didn't want to take time away from Jamie. She just wanted the damn information that they should have gotten in the first place.

With Ellis' silence, but apparent agreement, Bethany reached over to the teleconference speaker on the table, pressing the intercom button to outside the room. "If you could escort _Mr_. Ellis off the premises now," she told them with an air of ease. The door opened, two guards coming in, ready to lead the President away. "Remember," Bethany began as Ellis stood up. "I'm indestructible. But you aren't."

Steve saw a vein in Ellis' jaw twitch before he left the room. Steve watched as Bethany's body crumbled as soon as the room was empty of everyone but her family. A moment ago, she was a force not to be reckoned with, one that did not doubt her abilities. But now, she looked tired, weak and… _broken._

* * *

 ****A/N: They very much, long awaited President Ellis/Bethany Stark showdown with some hints of _Civil War_ mixed in for your pleasure :) **


	13. Recovery

****A/N: What's this? An update? *yawns because life is too exhausting***

Chapter 12- Recovery

 **/ rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ noun. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stole or lost.**

* * *

It was the end of January and Steve felt like the past few weeks had been a lifetime. The family had permanently moved back into house, with at least one of the Avengers staying in a guest room every night. Steve was ready for it just to be him, Jamie and Bethany, but he wasn't ready to bring it up to his wife just yet. If she brought it up, it'd be another story. But she was so distant lately that holding a conversation was almost impossible. He knew that it was because of the medication and that they would level out soon, but it was really difficult to see her that way. She was sleeping more than usual and would often get a hazy look in her eyes that was almost impossible to pull her from. And even though she was putting on a smile, he knew it was fake. She had told him that it wasn't just for his and Jamie's sake, but her own. Pretending to feel was better than giving into the nothingness that accompanied her pills.

Steve had reluctantly gone on a few missions and even met with some government officials regarding the investigation around Jamie's kidnapping. Bethany had got the information she demanded from President Ellis, but they were still struggling to find all the layers of employers. So far, they had found two tiers, but it looked like it was a deep, deep investigation. Bethany was unwilling to let go of the idea that President Ellis was behind it, but despite the fact that she usually had amazing instincts when it came to this sort of thing, he didn't think it was the President. He couldn't help but think it was HYDRA. It _always_ seemed to be HYDRA. Or someone who was part of HYDRA at least.

He felt like he hadn't got a moment to relax since Christmas. Between the missions, the kidnapping investigations and Bethany's bipolar disorder breakout, he had more than enough on his plate. It didn't help that they quickly discovered that Jamie would immediately break out into a fit of screams and tears when both of his parents were away from him for longer than a few minutes. He was completely comfortable with the team when they were with Steve and Bethany, but if they left, he would notice it and demand to be with them again. Despite the fact that they had thought that the entire ordeal hadn't had an impact on Jamie, it clearly did. Steve felt like he always had to be with Jamie just in case Bethany fell into one of those medicated hazes.

Feeling slight movement in the bed, Steve opened his eyes, his dark bedroom slowly starting to register in his eyes. Jamie, as usual since the kidnapping, was lying next to him on the bed. However, Bethany's spot was empty. The bathroom door was open, indicating that she wasn't there either. But before he could panic, he could hear her whisper coming from beside his bed. She wasn't talking to him, but from the coo-ing, she was talking to the cat. Moving as carefully, and subtly as he could, he turned to face her. She was sitting on the floor, dangling the drawstring from her pajamas in front of Molly's face. The cat would reach out and hit the string until Bethany pulled it away and they started the entire charade all over again. But with the little light present in the room, he could tell that she was at ease. It was the first time in weeks that she had a small smile on her face that he felt was genuine. It didn't take a grand gesture, something out of their ordinary day-to-day life to make it happen. It was as simple as her waking up in the middle of the night to play with Molly.

Steve smiled to himself, watching as Bethany continued to play with Molly, as if she would never tire from it. He quietly watched them play together for what could very well have been an hour before the cat finally tired from the chase and curled up into a ball on the floor. At first, Bethany softly stroked her hand over Molly's thick calico fur but then as a few yawns slipped from her mouth, she moved to lay down. Opposed to getting back into bed, she curled up next to Molly, burying her face in her fur. Steve watched her, sleeping on the floor, for a few minutes before his gaze moved up to the ceiling. He hoped that this would stay. That her smiles would be real again. That finally everything would begin to return to normal. But he knew that when Bethany was involved, things weren't always that easy.

* * *

Bethany hadn't realized that she was staring intently at her coffee until Steve laid a hand on her shoulder, jerking her away from her absence. "What?" She asked, looking up to him.

"I didn't say anything," he told her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I just wanted to kiss you."

"Oh," she whispered, looking back down at her coffee but making a note to blink. "Shouldn't you be going to work soon?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to stay here today," Steve told her, sitting in his chair and reaching for the butter for his toast.

Bethany sighed, looking tiredly to her husband. "Steve," she whispered, knowing very well that his constant 'day-offs' were for her sake. "I don't need a babysitter."

"I didn't say you did," Steve promised her very casually. She noticed that he was doing that a lot lately. He was brushing things off, trying to give her the impression that everything was fine, but she knew her husband too well. She could see the worry in his eyes even if it was absent from his voice. He was putting in a real effort to his pretending. But if he was trying to convince her that he wasn't worried, staying home from work was a really bad way to convince her.

"I know you didn't, but it feels like you did. You should be at the Facility, training with the team."

"Maybe I want the day off for myself," Steve said with a shrug.

Bethany let out a dry chuckle, shaking her head. "No. Not you. Not even when Hell freezes over."

"I like to spend time with you and Jamie, where is the harm in that? I didn't think I'd be getting lectured from you about taking time off to be with you," Steve said, putting everything down and looking at her.

"I know," Bethany replied with a sigh, raking a hand through her hair. "It's not that I don't like when you're here with us. I just feel a little… suffocated."

"Oh," Steve spoke, sitting up straighter. "I'm not trying-"

"It's okay," she promised him. "I know you love me and you just want to make sure I'm doing okay. And I appreciate that. But I just need some time to myself. To breathe. To figure out who I am. Not a long road-trip or anything. Just a few hours to sit and stew."

Steve sighed, reaching out for one of her hands. "Alright. How about I go to work today and take Jamie with me. You get the entire day to yourself to do whatever you want. And tomorrow, if you still feel the same way, then I'll do the same thing."

Bethany felt a small smile tug at her lips. The very idea of a few hours by herself and her thoughts let relaxation wash over her. When she woke up in the middle of the night, the house was so quiet. Jamie and Steve were comfortably sleeping beside her and she felt a little more like herself oppose to what the drugs made her. Not having to pretend for the sleeping boys was extremely helpful. And Molly didn't exactly care. She knew and accepted Bethany when she still had dark brown hair and a foul attitude.

"Thank you," she told him softly, leaning in to kiss him softly. "No matter what, no matter how I act or feel, just know that I love you, okay?"  
"I do," he promised. "And no matter how you act and feel, I love you to. And so does Jamie. We just want to see you feeling like your old self again."

"I'm getting there," she insisted, but in that moment feeling some anxiety rise within her due to the fact that she wasn't there yet and she desperately wanted to be.

"I know," Steve smiled at her. "I can tell you're getting better. But I'm looking forward to the day when you _are_ better."

"I am too," she revealed. "I feel so tired and emotionless. I feel incapable of anything. I feel like I did before… before you came back."

"It's the medication," Steve reminded her. "Soon you'll be used to it again and you'll be fine."

Bethany nodded, giving Steve's hand a careful squeeze. "I know. It's just frustrating. Knowing how I should feel when Jamie smiles or when you kiss me and not actually feeling that way."

"I can see how hard that would be on you," Steve reassured her.

"But it's harder on you," Bethany insisted. "And I never want to hurt you."

"Hey," Steve jumped in before she could work herself up. He took a firm hold of her face, ensuring that she was looking at him. "You don't need to worry about me right now. Just focus on yourself. Okay? And call me if you need me today. Anytime. Even if you just need me to get a bowl down from the tall shelf. Call me. Or don't. Either way, I'll do what you need. Okay?"

Bethany nodded, leaning her forehead against Steve's. And then, what felt like a blink of an eye, Steve and Jamie were gone and she was sitting alone in a quiet kitchen. It was as if someone had just pressed fast forward on her life and had finally pressed play again. The sun was high in the sky and the coffee in her mug was cold. Her breakfast still sat in front of her, untouched. She picked up her fork and used it to move some of her food around, even trying to have a bite but she just couldn't. She hated feeling this way. And while Bethany knew she wasn't the only person in the world feeling this way, she honestly felt like no one in the world understood what she was going through.

Letting out a deep sigh, she pulled her robe tighter around her body as a chill overcame her. She really wanted to take a nap, but looking at the dishes on the table, she knew that if she didn't put them away now, she never would. Steve would come home from work, see the mess and clean it up without a second thought because that's the kind of man he was. But she didn't want to do that to him. He was already doing so much for her. She forced herself to get up, feeling all the energy remaining in her body slip away as her limbs got heavier. But she persisted. Slowly, she shuffled around the kitchen, placing the cold food in the trash bin and placing the dishes in the dishwasher.

Finally, she had one dish left. It was the glass Steve used for his orange juice and had forgotten to put away. She lazily picked it up, yawning as she dragged her feet from the table to the dishwasher. But when she stopped at the dishwasher, she raised the glass to her eyes instead of placing it inside. She looked through the distorted image the curved glass made, fighting her exhaustion to stay awake. She felt herself frowning slightly as the overwhelming desire to let the glass slip between her fingers came over her. She fought it back for a few moments. It would only make more work for her. She wouldn't be able to leave the shattered glass on the kitchen floor with Molly, and then Jamie later in the day. But ration wasn't speaking loud enough.

Allowing the glass to slip through her already light grip, her eyes followed the glass as it fell to the floor, shattering in both large and small pieces. She could hear her heartbeat pounding, ringing in her ears. Her energy seemed to rush back as she looked at the sharp edges. Impulse took control of her body as one foot hovered over the sharpest piece of glass, being lowered down slower and slower until the shard was deep into her foot.

* * *

Steve was looking over some footage of their last mission, trying to find things they all needed to work on. They all had things they could improve on, but he was happy that they were working well as a team. They had come a long way in the past few months. All-in-all, he was proud of how far Wanda had come. He and Natasha were taking it upon themselves to teach her the ins and outs opposed to just training her on how to fight. Steve felt like it was important to ensure that she could hold her own even without her abilities. In the world they lived in, anything could happen. The last thing he wanted was for the teenager to be in a situation where she was utterly defenseless. He had witnessed with his own wife just how beneficial it was to have those hand-to-hand combat skills tucked in your back pocket in case their go-to technique failed.

Steve could hear Jamie squealing from across the training room. He looked up over the tablet, smiling as he saw Jamie happily playing with Wanda and Sam. The rest of the team was scattered across the room, working on various tasks and Steve knew he should be the one to be watching on Jamie, but he was trying to expose the kid to other people. As much as he loved his son and wanted to make sure that he felt safe and comfortable, spending all day, every day, with him and Bethany was going to hurt more than help. He had already told Sam this, and he had a feeling that Natasha knew. And of course, Wanda knew. Bringing Jamie to work wasn't just beneficial for Bethany but for Jamie as well. His plan was that one day, Steve could walk out of the room and Jamie wouldn't notice. Or even if he did, he would know that he would eventually return.

"Careful," Steve said across the room, watching as Wanda was using her powers to slowly lift Jamie up in the air. Sam was standing close by, his hands out, ready to catch Jamie if Wanda's powers failed. But it looked like the teenager had a good grip on Jamie with her powers. Steve's mind began to wander as he thought about all the objects Wanda had been using through the weeks. She was training with heavier objects everyday. She could easily lift them; it was maneuvering them that she was struggling with. But he was much lighter than the majority of those objects. The wheels in his mind began to spin as he thought about how they could use this to their advantage.

He placed the tablet down as his phone began to ring. Pulling it from his pocket, he sighed when a picture of Bethany lit up the screen. He just wanted to stare at it for minutes on end. She looked so happily carefree in the photo. But then he realized that she wouldn't just be calling him to say hello. Something was on her mind. "Hey Doll," he answered before pausing. He could hear her sobbing on the other line. "Beth? What's wrong?"

He could hear her babbling on about a glass and her foot, but he didn't make full sense of what she was saying. He had a good idea however. "Okay, take a deep breath," he instructed her. "I'll be there soon, okay?"

He once again heard her sob something, but he missed it altogether. "Just breath," he reminded her before hanging up. Looking over at Jamie, he decided that he needed to chance leaving Jamie alone much earlier than he had anticipated. But from Bethany's call, he definitely didn't want the baby at the house while Steve was trying to calm Bethany down. Jamie looked comfortable and if he could sneak out for twenty minutes or so to help his wife with whatever was going on with her, maybe Jamie wouldn't even notice. His eyes moved over to Natasha, who was also looking back at him with a knowing look.

Steve took in a deep breath and got up, moving towards the ex-SHIELD agent. "What's up?" she asked when they met in the middle.

"Beth," Steve sighed. "She just called me. I need to go to her, but I can't bring Jamie. Something is seriously wrong."

"We'll distract him as much as we can," Natasha promised. "Just focus on Bethany for now."

"Thanks Romanoff," Steve replied hastily before quickly leaving the Facility. He quickly slipped into his car and sped off to the house, not sure what he'd arrive to. But by the way Bethany sounded on the phone, things weren't good. Whatever happened between the few hours he had been gone had really rattled her to her core. He knew that she had been distant that morning, but after seeing her happily playing with Molly that morning and her confession, Steve honestly thought that she was getting better.

Haphazardly parking the car, he rushed into the house, not bothering to kick off his shoes, and ran towards the kitchen where his wife was on the ground, sobbing, surrounded by glass and blood. It took him a moment to soak everything in. He couldn't exactly make sense of what was happening. Was she crying because of the broken glass? Because a large piece was lodged into her foot? Or was it because of something deeper? Knowing his wife, it was all of the above.

"Beth," Steve sighed, slowly moving closer to her, his boots stepping on pieces of glass with very little care. "Hey, what's wrong?"

As he sat down next to her, she threw her arms around him and buried her head into his shoulder. "I've ruined everything," she sobbed, clenching onto him.

"What?" Steve asked, more confused now than before. "Beth, what happened to your foot?"

"I-I sst-eeped on the b-rrok-en glas-ss," she gasped through her cries. "I-I needed the ot-other pain to g-go a-away so I-"

"Shh," Steve whispered, pulling her closer to him and rubbing her back. "It's okay, Doll Face. I get it," he promised her. And he truly did. When Bethany got her abortion and Bucky had his fall all within the same period, it left Steve in a really dark place. He knew what it was like to be filled with so much pain that any other type of pain, especially physical was a welcomed distraction. But in the end, he knew that self-harm wasn't the solution. And from Bethany's reaction, he knew that she knew that as well.

He held her tightly, kissing her head and rubbing her back until her tears settled down. Hiccups still racked through her body, but he knew that she was calm enough now that they could have a serious discussion about what should happen next. "I know you don't want to talk about it," Steve began. "But we really need to think about the benefits of therapy."

Bethany huffed slightly, but she didn't fight him. It had been something that had been weighing on her mind for weeks now. Even her doctor thought that it could be for the best but Bethany had fought the idea tooth and nail. She had just wanted the meds. They had always worked for her before, why should she change it now? A year ago, Steve had brought up the idea of therapy and Bethany had said she'd consider it and yet, she never really did. For some reason, the idea frightened her. She really didn't like the idea of someone prompting her to reveal all her secrets and then the possibility of them coming back to haunt her. She fully believed that the process wouldn't help her, only hurt.

"I know you really don't like the idea, but look at where we are Beth," Steve said with a sigh, gesturing to the broken glass and blood on the floor. "You asked me to give the meds time to work, and I did. And maybe you just need another week or two. I'm willing to give you that. But you need to really consider that this could benefit you. And there are other types of therapy that the doctors can offer you. You don't need to solely live dependent on the pills. In fact, you know you shouldn't."

"But they _work,_ " Bethany stressed. "They have worked for years, Steve. I don't want to change it. I don't want to change my entire life-"

"Okay," Steve interrupted with a calming voice. "I'm not going to force you to do anything. But I just want you to be happy again and not feel like you need to hurt yourself. I'm worried about you. And I'm worried what will happen if nothing changes within the next few weeks. The future is uncertain. It always is. But this complicates things. I'll always be on your side, wanting what's best for you. But we also need to consider Jamie's wellbeing. He's smart, Beth."

"I know," she sniffed.

"He knows something is off. And with what he's already facing, I'm just making sure that everything is as comfortable for him as possible. And part of that is him having his mother back. Happy and healthy. I know that it's hard. But you need to do what's best for him."

"You think I don't know that?" Bethany asked him, looking at him with anger in her eyes. "Steve, I'm like this because of him. Because I want what's best for him. And I'm _trying_ so hard to be who he needs me to be, but I just need some more time. This is a setback, yes. But I didn't call you here to lecture me about what I already know Jamie needs. I called you here because _I_ needed you."

"You're right," Steve allowed, kissing her forehead. "I know you just want what's best for him. And I know you're trying. But you're so dead set on these pills working that you're eliminating the use of other therapies to help. When it was Kiley and Jen in your place, you told them the same things I'm telling you. So why are you so dead set against it?"

She didn't say anything but pulled her foot up closer to her body and took a hold of the giant shard of glass in her foot. Steve winced as he watched her pull it out, watching as the skin began to stitch itself back together. "You should go," Bethany whispered. "Jamie will notice that you're gone soon."

"I don't want to end things like this," Steve sighed.

"I don't have a legitimate reason, okay?" Bethany snapped. "I just don't want to, and I wish you'd just accept that."

Steve could see just how much the idea was terrifying to her and decided to let it go. Instead, he leaned in for a kiss. At first, Bethany didn't react, as if she was confused about what was happening in the first place. But soon enough, her lips softly began to move against his. But despite everything, it was the first time in weeks that he didn't feel like he was kissing a soulless being and that made all the difference in the world.

* * *

 ****A/N: I felt like this was too important to mention briefly. We've seen Bethany's struggles through all the chapters and it seemed like she had recovered. But the issue with a mental illness is that at any moment, it can return. She went through a life altering experience and she's having a really hard time returning back to a 'normal life'.**

 **Also, note on my updating. A lot is going on in my life right now. Not of all it is bad, thankfully. But it's exhausting. It's keeping me from writing, but as I've previously stated, I think about the story and plan everything out EVERY SINGLE DAY. So never fear :)**


	14. Determination

****A/N: I know, I know... it's been months.**

 **I'll just give you a quick update on my life. It's good this time, I promised. My absence has been a combination of school and work (as always). But my spare time has been spent with a wonderful man, ironically who is 6'2 with blue eyes named Steve. I swear, I making up zero of this. I didn't even go after him. When he kissed me at a party, I was SHOCKED but was like "yeah, I'll give this a shot". Half a year later and we're still together. So yeah... I've been a little distracted by my real life Steve and forgetting about the fictional one. I make no promises about updating more often since the last six months have FLOWN by and I've barely written anything. In fact, this chapter was practically done months ago and I just forgot about it. I'm sorry. Like I said, super distracted.**

* * *

Chapter 14- Determination

 **/dəˌtərməˈnāSH(ə)n/ noun. firmness of purpose; resoluteness.**

* * *

Days seemed to drag on forever as Bethany tried to pull herself back together. Doing it for herself was never something she considered. In fact, pulling herself back together required a lot of effort and she frankly didn't have the energy. But she knew that at the end of the day, it wasn't her that mattered. It was that blond haired little boy that was starting to distance himself from his mother. Steve was right; Jamie knew something was wrong. And with his inability to comprehend just what, he reacted by giving her space. It was the last thing Bethany wanted, but the first thing to actually get her to really push her recovery in the right way. So while she still wanted nothing to do with a therapist, she was forcing herself to be social with the friends she had been avoiding for the past month. Pulling herself out of bed most mornings was hard enough, but actually sitting down with them and talking about life seemed like one of the hardest things she had ever had to do, and Bethany Rogers wasn't new to the phrase 'hard-knock life'.

That day, Jen was coming over. Bethany hadn't seen her in a long time, but she was hoping that having a fellow mom who also went through something traumatic and recovered would inspired her to do the same. Well, actually, it was Steve's idea. Who really got it from Sam. But the end result was still the same; Jen was coming over after breakfast. Bethany really didn't want to get dressed, but Steve reminded her that he was making it as easy as possible for her. He wasn't going to accept her little excuses if he could easily solve them. Which meant that some mornings, Steve would wash, dry and style Bethany's hair before picking out her outfit. And while Natasha pointed out to him that it was encouraging her behaviour, Wanda was the one who reminded them all who the true Bethany Stark really was. And they all knew that deep inside, no matter how tired she was, Bethany was chomping at the bit to have some freedom. And getting herself dressed in the morning definitely qualified as a sense of freedom.

So instead of letting Steve do all the things she didn't want to do that morning, Bethany forced herself to do them. The entire time, her eyes were blurry with fatigue and her limbs heavy. She even sat in the tub, letting the water from the shower fall over her as she slowly built up the self-encouragement of getting herself ready. Her morning shower took much longer than expected, but she took less time when doing her hair and that felt like a small, but much needed victory. She even forced herself not to pick clothes that would be considered 'lazy' or 'easy'. She took out a few jeans, opting for the ones that looked the most put-together and found an old top that she had forgotten about and decided to take out of retirement. And while it took a while for her to be completely clean and dressed, she had done it by herself and that was all that really mattered.

Overwhelmingly, Bethany could feel her meds evening out as the days went by. She was still exhausted almost all the time, but she could feel actual emotion in her little smiles now. And when she was sad, it wasn't so intense. But now that she was crawling out of her bubble, she knew that there was one thing the meds wouldn't be able to fix no matter the dosage; the anxiety regarding Jamie's health and safety. Because at the end of the day, the threat was very much real. It wasn't something she had made up in her head. It wasn't something that was irrational. Bethany caught herself wondering daily whether or not she should welcome this fear or wish it away. Both emotions had pros and cons.

"Jamie, wait," Bethany called out after she took him out of his high chair. His bib was still securely around his neck, but he was chasing after Steve, who was heading for the door.

"Wait Daddy!" Jamie shouted, ignoring his mom.

"Whoa, hold on," Steve replied, scooping Jamie into his arms as Bethany stopped in front of them. "I think you're forgetting something."

As Steve took the bib off, Bethany accepted it with an exasperated look. Jamie was supposed to stay with her today, but by the way he was clinging onto Steve, it was evident that it wasn't happening. "It's fine," Steve promised her. "Obviously it's easier to train without him around, but not impossible."

"He hates me," Bethany whispered under her breath.

"No, he doesn't. He's just used to this new routine," Steve explained. "But you know what? Maybe this is a good thing. Let you and Jen talk with no distractions."

"You make it sound like we are a couple going through a bad spot and talking about what our future holds," Bethany mumbled as a knock sounded at the door.

"One step at a time," Steve reminded her as he went to open the door. "Jen. Good to see you."

"God, it's amazing how fast they grow, isn't it?" Jen asked as she stepped inside, touching one of Jamie's feet. "Morning Bethany," Jen smiled when she saw her.

Bethany offered a little wave, looking at her little boy. She wanted him to respond to her smile, but he was too wrapped up in the excitement of getting ready to leave the house to notice. "Come on in," Bethany instructed Jen, looking at Jamie for a moment longer before leading Jen into the house.

"How's it going?" Jen asked her, taking a seat at the kitchen table where two mugs were already waiting.

"Fine," Bethany said, getting the kettle before sitting at the table. "What about you? I know last time we talked, you mentioned Theo was having issues adjusting to you and Javan." Bethany poured hot water into her mug before handing it to Jen. It had been a while since Bethany and Jen last talked, and she felt a little guilty about that. It had been even longer since she had seen Theo. In a way, she felt like she abandoned the little family to focus on her own.

"He's… adjusting," Jen said carefully, pouring her own water. "I don't think he had an issue about it until kids at school pointed it out? I don't know. It's New York. I figured lots of kids in his class would have same sex parents. I just think he's confused about the entire situation. I still am, to be honest."

"Confused about what exactly?" Bethany asked as she began to make her tea, listening to the front door open and close. She missed Jamie already.

"Well, Javan wants me to hang out with some of her friends. No problem. That's totally normal when you are dating someone," Jen rationalized. "But they're less like friends and more like a lesbian support group? I mean, they are _all_ gay. And I'm not entirely sure that I am. And more than that, I don't understand their pressure for me to give it a name. A label. They keep trying to explain all the different sexualities and genders, and I don't know what to do but daydream about brownies."

Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, shaking her head. "For some people, it's simple. I like men. I like women. I like them both equally. For some it's difficult."

"And I get that," Jen agreed. "But I'm not attracted to other women. And I'm still attracted to men. But Javan is different. And I don't know how to label that for their sanity."

"Who cares?" Bethany asked honestly. "You're happy. Isn't that all that matters? Does Javan care whether or not you give yourself a label?"

"She says she doesn't, but I think she does," the woman revealed, sipping her tea.

"Just remind her how you feel about her," Bethany suggested. "Maybe she feels insecure?"

"Maybe," Jen agreed.

"And as for Theo," Bethany continued. "He's a good kid. But he's also too young to really understand. All you can show him is that you're happy with the relationship and hope that he'll get it."

"You make excellent points."

"And how are Javan and Theo getting along?" Bethany asked, trying to picture the dynamic.

"They're friendly," Jen sighed. "Javan is not exactly good with kids. She wants us to start talking about moving in together, but I don't think it's a good idea with the way things are. Theo is number one, no matter right. And I don't want to jeopardize what we have."

"Move in? Wow, that's quick," Bethany replied.

"Especially since I'm thinking about moving _out_ ," Jen said quietly. It was only when Bethany cocked her head to the side slightly that did Jen elaborate. "I got _this_ in the mail," she began, pulling a letter from her bag and handing it to Bethany.

She took it, opening the letter and reading the first few lines. "You've been invited to join the training team at the Facility? That's impressive, Jen," Bethany expressed. The training team was a group of individuals, mostly ex-SHIELD agents, that were being trained as a response team currently, with the future potential of joining the Avengers.

"You knew about this, didn't you?" Jen asked with a soft smile.

"A little," Bethany admitted. "Look, we've been compiling a list of individuals that possess abilities. The list is surprising long. And getting longer. There's a team monitoring them, making sure that they don't use their abilities in a way that would mean us getting involved. We haven't had any concern for you. I guess they decided that since they were sure in your loyalties and ability to control your abilities, they'd invite you? I didn't know they were seriously considering it. But I've also been MIA from work for a while."

"It's flattering," Jen allowed. "But I don't use it. I don't need to. Not in the life I live. In the life I want to live. And while Theo would think it's super cool, I don't want to go through all that. It would mean time away from him, and the chance that something could happen. To either or us. After what happened to… well, after what happened," Jen said carefully, avoiding fully bringing up Jamie's kidnapping. "I just want to be careful."

"From my understanding, the offer remains on the table," Bethany explained. "But I understand where you're coming from. Do whatever you feel is best for you, your son and your relationship. But why move out?"

Jen took another sip of her tea and let out a deep breath before replying. "We came here for safety and security. I took a job. Everything was great. But now I'm thinking about going back to ER shifts and living in the city. Normalize our life after the crazy year and a half we had."  
Bethany nodded respectfully, not just approving of Jen's idea, but desiring it herself. She had no desire to leave her beautiful home, but she did wish that the Avengers Facility way very, _very_ far away. And that she and Steve had normal jobs. A normal life after the crazy one they lived. It was only when they were on vacation that they ever got a semblance of real life. "You need to do what feels right," Bethany told her. "And if normal is what you want, then go for it."

"I'm really considering it," Jen replied with a soft smile. "Enough about me though. Tell me what's going on with you. And don't just say that you're fine. I know you're not. Everyone knows. And no one blames you."

Bethany let out a deep sigh, thinking carefully before responding. "I'm better. I'm starting to feel myself care about the things I did before. But as much as Steve wants me to return to 'normal', I know that after what happened, I'm always going to be thinking about Jamie's safety. Can I take him out with me to get groceries? Can he attend school? Baseball games? I want him to have as normal of a childhood as possible, but I'm too afraid of what could happen. And it's a realistic fear. It's happened. They _took_ him."

"I know," Jen whispered. "And it's not going to get easier with time. Because the more time that passes, the more you'll wonder 'when next'?"

"Yeah," Bethany agreed. "It's so confusing. It's his life. It's not something I'm willing to gamble. But at the same time, I don't want to be overprotective and keep him from experiencing life."

"You've got some time until you have to make the really hard decisions," Jen pointed out. "But it's good that you're starting to return to the life of the living. You got out of bed today. You're here, talking to me. That's a pretty big step. I've been in a similar position as you. It's hard. But you have Steve."

"Yeah," Bethany agreed with a grin. "He's been great through it all. Patient. Even when I was giving him every reason not to be. But firm. Without him… well, we know what I'm like without him. And with Jamie? There's one thing that I _can_ promise him and it's being a good mother. And I'm trying to get back there."

"You are there," Jen promised. "You're going through a tough time. And maybe Jamie is a little distant from you right now. That's not going to last forever. He just needs to see you better. And happy."

Bethany nodded to herself, looking into her mug. She knew that everything Jen was saying was right. It would just take time. And while not everything could return to normal, her relationship with Jamie could. And she was determined that it would.

* * *

"Hey, slow down!" Bethany called out to Jamie, who was tearing towards the front door with excitement. It was the first day in a long time that Steve had left Jamie at home when he went to work, and Bethany was a little out of practice. It seemed like he was a ball of energy, but Bethany knew that he was usually like this. She was just lacking some energy. She was feeling better, but she still hadn't gained all her energy back. It felt like Jamie was bouncing all over the house and she could barely keep up. It was only eleven and she was ready for a break.

Bethany placed a basket down on the floor when she reached the front hall. Jamie had been asking to see his Daddy all day, so Bethany decided they'd meet Steve for lunch. That way Jamie could see Steve and Bethany could get a little break. It was a win-win situation. "Hold up, Munchkin. You need boots and a jacket."

His eagerness pulled at her heart. She was happy that Jamie had created this unbreakable bond with Steve, but she couldn't help feel replaced. Jealous. The past few weeks had created a strain between them, but now that her thoughts had returned to normal and she was just waiting for the rest of her energy to come back, she was fully aware of how much the strain had hurt Jamie.

"Come here," Bethany called to Jamie, who complied. She took his jacket off his hook and helped him into it. "Okay, now can you put your boots on by yourself?"

"Yes Mumma," Jamie replied, earning a smile from his mom.

"You're such a big boy," Bethany told him before bending her head down to kiss his forehead. "You excited to see Daddy?"

"Yes!" Jamie exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down. When they were both ready, they piled into the car before making the small journey up to the Avengers' Facility. The snow had come down hard in the past few weeks, making it almost impossible for Bethany and Jamie to walk to the Facility. Jamie's little legs would have to work overtime to lift up and over the high levels and Bethany didn't have the energy to trudge through the snow while carrying Jamie and the food.

The drive was short-lived, not even the length of a full song and Bethany had to repeat her previous struggle of dealing with a car seat, energy-filled toddler and winter clothes. "Mumma, can I play with Wanda?"

"We'll see," Bethany replied, struggling to get Jamie's puff filled sleeve out of the car seat strap. She personally had no objection to it. In fact, Jamie playing with Wanda would be a welcome, since it would give Bethany a moment where she didn't have to entertain Jamie. But Bethany knew that the team was trying to up their training. They had come up with different types of battle plans they wanted to practice until perfection before they introduced them into missions. She didn't want to distract them, especially since she had unintentionally cut into a lot of their training time over the weeks. But they all needed lunch, and that's how she kept justifying it to herself.

"Stay close," Bethany instructed Jamie as she lifted him out of the seat and onto the ground. She hadn't used the underground parking since she knew Jamie had a habit of running off and playing hide-and-seek between the parked cars. She definitely didn't have the patience for that today. Instead, she parked right out front, in a spot that technically wasn't a parking spot. _You fucking own the place though_ , she kept telling herself.

"Look Mumma!" Jamie called out as Bethany reached deeper into the car for the basket of food.

Bethany went to tell him to hold on before she heard a loud crash from the other side of the car. Her first instinct was to stop what she was doing, turn around and embrace Jamie, ready to keep him from harm's way. Only when he was safe in her arms did she move around the car to see the source of the crash. "Steve?" She asked, seeing him lying on a pile of snow, broken shards of glass around him. "What happened?!"

Steve sat up, wincing a little, but seemingly okay as Bethany rushed towards him, minding the glass. "Wanda lost control," Steve mumbled before slowly standing up.

"Are you okay?" Bethany asked, reaching a hand out to touch his arm.

"Yeah," he nodded, looking over to the broken window of the Facility. The team was at the window, looking worriedly at their Captain. "Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing feels broken."

"Daddy flew," Jamie said to Bethany, causing her to chuckle.

"Yes, I did," Steve agreed, lifting a teasing eyebrow. "What are you two doing here? Not that I mind."

"We brought you lunch," Bethany explained. "And also, someone missed their Daddy."

"Me!" Jamie declared.

Steve laughed, taking Jamie into his arms, allowing Bethany to go get the food. The three of them walked back to the Facility, Wanda immediately apologizing to Steve when he returned to the training arena. "No harm done," Steve assured the teenager.

"Well, no permanent harm," Bethany teased. "He's a lot tougher than he looks," she continued, not letting the girl see how scared she was just a few minutes prior.

"I'll pay for the window-"

"We have insurance for a reason," Bethany interrupted. "Broken windows aren't anything special around here. Go eat your lunch. Forget about the window."

Begrudgingly, Wanda followed directions as the family found a small corner in the Facility to set up their food. Steve helped Bethany unfold a blanket to create a makeshift picnic area. As they waved the blanket in the air, smoothing out the wrinkles, Jamie ran underneath it happily. His parents chuckled at his antics, keeping up the waving motion much longer than necessary. When they finally got Jamie out from under the green blanket, they laid it down and begun to unpack the picnic basket.

"So what exactly were you doing?" Bethany asked Steve as she took out a mini sandwich and handed it to Jamie. His chubby fingers took hold of it before he excited took a bite from it. Bethany, despite still feeling her exhaustion from the day, couldn't help but smile fondly at the act. Eating was pretty high up on Jamie's list of favorite things these days. If he didn't have such good genes running through his body, she'd be concerned about him gaining too much weight. But his high metabolism and energy would allow him to indulge in his favorite past time for as long as he pleased.

"Well," Steve began, taking a bite of one of the sandwiches. "Vision, Sam, Rhodey and Wanda can fly. Tony too. Or, hover above ground to be more specific in Wanda's case. I'd be a fool to not acknowledge how convenient that has been in missions."

"Right," Bethany nodded, knowing that jumping long or high distances could only take you so far. "So you're trying to train her to help you fly?"

"You don't sound too enthused by that," Steve chuckled, picking up on her unsure tone.

"You listed off everyone who can already fly," Bethany reminded him. "Stacked pretty heavily. Just you and Nat that are grounded. So why take on this? Not that it doesn't sound cool, I just don't understand why—Nope, I take that back. I understand why. I don't like why. I don't approve why. But I understand."

"Sometimes, it has to be me," Steve told her, knowing that she clued into the fact that he wanted this extra skill so he could take on more tasks. "I can do so much things that they can't. Or they can do, but at a greater risk for themselves."

"Not Vision," Bethany argued quickly. "Steve, he's an Android. A machine. Made of _vibranium_. He's the most durable."

"And not the easiest to blend into an undercover mission," Steve reminded her. "Which you should know better than anyone."

Bethany shook her head, handing Jamie another sandwich. "You have more to lose than anyone, Steve. And yet you're still hell-bent on taking on the biggest risks."

Steve sighed, collecting his patience. "It's who I am Bethany. You know that. I can't willingly let someone else risk their safety when I could be the one-"

"Your mission at the end of the day is to come home," she interrupted. "Not be the biggest hero. Okay? I need you. Jamie needs you. Hell, we were talking— _trying_ —to have another baby. I can't just accept the fact that you want to introduce a new element of danger into your life. No matter how cool it may be."

"Do you want us to stop practicing it? If you ask me to, I will," he tried to wager.

Bethany scoffed, shaking her head. "No, I want you to not want to do it because _you_ don't want to. Because you get it. But you don't. I get whiplash with you sometimes Steve. God, sometimes you're perfect. Thinking about me and Jamie and showering us with affection. And then you do something like this that makes me feel like you don't care about your safety or us."

"You're the most important things to me in the world," Steve insisted quietly, not wanting to make a scene.

"Yeah. And like I said, sometimes I see that. I _feel_ that. Sometimes I don't. You're stuck between these two worlds still. And I have always been apart of this superhero world of yours. I've been here since the beginning. But it still feels like you have these two worlds. Steve Rogers, an amazing father and husband and Captain America. And as amazing and valiant as Captain America is, you focus solely on the job and not what it takes to get home."

Steve took in a deep breath, letting her words mull over in his head. He understood her point. She had been there since he originally donned the persona of Captain America. She helped _make_ him Captain America. And yet she was right. He was still struggling between the two identities. "If everyone only focused on making it home at the end of the day," Steve began slowly, wanting her to absorb every single word. "Then no one would get saved. This job… it's dangerous. We all know that. But it's still our responsibility-"

"No. No, it's not," she disagreed. "Why are you responsible for half the shit that goes on?"

"Language," Steve replied sharply, looking at Jamie whose eyes were intently trained on his parents' heated exchange.

"The only thing you're responsible for in this world is this," Bethany said, pointing to Jamie. "To hell with the rest. You aren't responsible for it. You're _choosing_ to do it. To put on the suit. To risk your life. And I know that I fell in love with that man, and I still do love you. I just don't understand why you're so intent on becoming more involved with the action, risking more of yourself, when you said you would start stepping back soon."

They were quiet once again as the words sank in. Steve knew that she was right in a way. He _was_ supposed to be winding down soon. What he wanted to say to her, but cleverly kept to himself, was that he needed a reason to step away. It pained him that Bethany, their son and the promise of more children in the future wasn't that reason for him. He needed something else. An excuse of types. Maybe it was because he had been Captain America as a husband and father already. Successfully too. And while one could argue that Bethany could eventually reach a breaking point and leave him due to his work as Captain America, he really didn't believe that. Bethany would fight, just as she always did. She wouldn't step back from this one. He could see it by the fire in her eyes.

But despite the fight, Steve knew for certain that Bethany was starting to emerge again from the depths of her depressive state. And right now, that's all that mattered to him.

* * *

 ****A/N: So last year, I was diagnosed with panic disorder and because I had no idea what was happening to me, I did fall into a light depression. What kept me in this world was knowing that I still had things I wanted to do (get married and have kids, mostly). Sometimes, finding a reason to keep living means looking into your future and hoping you'll get it. I'm glad I'm still around since this year has been the best of my life so far.**

 **My point is, as I was writing Bethany's depression, I took my own experiences. As a writer, that can be dangerous unless you have got the right help and are mentally in a fantastic spot. Growing up and living in this world is difficult. Depression, anxiety and all the other mental illnesses are surrounding us. Sometimes, it's really difficult to ask for help. It took me MONTHS. After a week of having constant panic attacks (always in front of people), I knew that I had no other option than to admit I needed help. While I will occasionally get a panic attack (even with therapy and anti-depressants), it's easier now than it was before because I UNDERSTAND what is happening while before I just straight up thought I was a crazy-ass bitch.**

 **At the end of the day, I may be absent from FF, but if you need someone to talk to, I am available. Even if it's just to ramble about how you feel. Isolating yourself doesn't help at all. Taking a step forward to recovery does.**

 **Thank you all for your support and messages of worry during my absence. Moving forward, just assume I'm happily in love and enjoying life. I will continue to update when I can. Like I've said before, I am not giving up on this story, and I won't let it give up on me. I just need time/motivation that is now dedicated to my other half.**


	15. Reborn

**A/N: What the fuck is this? And update? Okay, I'll explain later... Go read. I made you wait long enough.**

 ****THIS HASN'T BEEN UPDATED BECAUSE I WANTED TO GET IT OUT ASAP****

* * *

Chapter 15-Reborn

/rēˈbôrn/ adjective. brought back to life or activity.

* * *

During Bethany's recovery, Steve hadn't mentioned the legal issues that she was facing from when they rescued Jamie. But even now, months later, knowing that she was almost completely back to her old self, he was hesitant to let her attend the meetings with their lawyer. He didn't want her to relapse, and Bethany was very well aware of this. She knew that her recovery didn't guarantee that she'd stay at her current state. She really didn't want all this to cause another breakdown, but she couldn't just let everyone else clean up her mess. She wouldn't regret doing what she had to do to get her son back, even if it meant having to dish out a large settlement fee. There was money in an account used specifically for insurance purposes. Bethany didn't particularly want to use it, since she didn't feel like they deserved a dime, but there were some issues that were coming to light.

"So since Bethany isn't an official member of the Avengers anymore, they're saying that she took the law into her own hands?" Steve asked as he looked over the portfolio their lawyer, Samantha, had slid over moments before.

"Correct. I think it'll be easy to work around this and get all the charges dropped. The fact still remains that Bethany did what she did for the safety of her son. It can be seen as self-defense and defense of a minor. Easy enough. The real issue is whether or not this will lead to investigations regarding the Avengers and their jurisdiction. We've already had to fight off some upset individuals in the past."

Bethany sighed, carefully taking the portfolio from Steve. "Right, but we've dealt with them, correct?" Steve asked, looking between the lawyer and his wife. "That's what all our meetings and conferences had been about."

"They're still not happy with the situation," Bethany explained, leaning back in her chair. "We might get approval from one country, but that doesn't mean that the others will be happy. Overall, the more damage we do, the angrier those countries get. Even if we do send in clean up teams and donate money. They aren't happy with the system we have now."

"Our main concern is making sure those leaders don't get whiff of the lawsuits Bethany is dealing with," Samantha explained. "They know what has happened, we can't change that. They'll be deliberating the issues and their concerns behind closed walls until they decide to come out and announce their decision-"

"'Decision'?" Steve asked. "What does that mean?"

"There is talk of restrictions," Bethany said quietly. "You've heard it on the news."

"Yeah, but I assumed it was just talk."

"Like Bethany said, they're not happy with the current system. But they can't come in and add restrictions unless they have reasons and a legitimate plan to implement. As of right now, we know nothing," Samantha explained. "That's why we have to deal with these lawsuits as quickly, efficiently and _quietly_ as possible."

"What do you have in mind?" Bethany asked with a sigh.

Samantha took her portfolio back, flipping through the notes and pulling out a statement. "You've already made it clear that you won't settle this out of court and I agree. And frankly, a judge would agree as well. They wouldn't let these criminals stock up their bank accounts. But they _must_ know that you're trying to keep this under wraps."

"That's sketchy in itself," the mother replied with a shake of her head. "These can't just be underground rebels. They would have had to hear something. Know that we couldn't mess up."

"But I didn't even know," Steve reminded the women. "I had no idea that we were supposed to keep everything clean. Granted, that's a given but mistakes happen. How would they know?"

"Hired?" Bethany suggested, her tone uneasy. "Maybe one politician has had enough and is looking to shut us down? I don't know. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws right now, but you heard President Ellis. It just doesn't feel right to me Steve."

"I don't disagree," he replied, reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently before looking to Samantha. "What are our options?"

"We could find a judge willing to bring this to court without the media catching wind of it," Samantha offered. "It's not impossible, but in this day and age, someone will probably be the source of a leak, no matter how many confidentially forms are filled out. The only reason the lawsuits haven't become international news is because these criminals are being kept under lock and key, with very little freedom. They may have a lot to say, but they aren't allowed to talk about it. Or, we can blackmail them into dropping the suits."

Steve sighed and Bethany knew that he hated that blackmail was their only real option at a time like this. "I don't like it, but if we have no other option…"

"Do whatever is best," Bethany replied before getting up from her seat. Steve immediately began to follow her, not stopping her but making sure to keep a close eye on her. He wasn't sure where she was going and was surprised when she didn't make a right turn to go to the communal living space. Part of him assumed she was going to get Jamie, but she continued forward. Soon, he realized that she was marching towards the gym. As she burst through the doors to the gym, she gathered some attention from some people who were training, but she paid little mind to that as she went straight to a punching bag and began to use all her strength to beat the living hell out of it.

Steve watched her hit the bag over and over again, grunting, swearing and letting the bag feel all her frustration. He didn't move, didn't dare interrupt her. It was obvious that she needed this and he wouldn't be the one to stop her. There was no doubt that the skin covering her knuckles were broken but it didn't slow her.

The longer she hit the bag the more viewers she gathered. But Bethany was in the zone and didn't even flinch as more and people stopped what they were doing. There was almost complete silence in the gym, the only sound coming from the bag and Bethany. Steve crossed his arms, patiently waiting for her frustration and anger to run its course. He wanted to do something similar, if he was being completely honest. This entire situation was difficult to face and it seemed like there was no way they could realistically win with their morals in tact. But they did what they had to do to get their son back and would continue to do what they had to do to keep the Avengers in motion.

When Bethany finally stopped, she grabbed the punching bag so it would stop swinging before turning on her heels and walking past Steve and out the gym doors. As before, he followed her silently. Blood was dripping down her hands and onto the ground, but she oblivious to this. "Let's get back to work," she said to him, looking back at him with a soft smile gracing her beautiful face. Steve couldn't help but chuckle at her, picking up his stride so that they could walk side-by-side. He threw his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him so he could kiss the top of her head.

"Feeling better?" He asked her but already knew the answer; yes.

* * *

Focusing on her breathing, Bethany pulled her duvet closer to her. She was wrapped in it like a burrito, but that was only because she thought the tight wraps would keep her from escaping easier. Steve was putting Jamie to bed. In his own room. Without someone to watch over him. She didn't like the idea of Jamie being by himself through the night, no one close in case someone came to take him, but Steve convinced her that they had to do it at some point. Knowing that she would refuse to leave the room when Jamie fell asleep, Steve told her to stay in their bedroom until Jamie was fast asleep. Her heart was racing, thinking about all the possibilities that would likely never occur, but seemed just as likely in her opinion.

She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep that night. And realistically, she knew Steve wouldn't be able to either. But it was the first step to getting back on track. Jamie couldn't sleep in their bed forever. And they couldn't keep taking shifts on the rocking chair in his room. Something had to give, they both knew this. Eventually, things would return to a semblance of normalcy. But this was the first day of many on their road to that ideal.

Bethany could hear Steve's quiet footsteps leave Jamie's room and tiptoe into their own. She let go of the side of the duvet so that Steve could crawl under it with her. He pulled her into his arms, Bethany's body melting into his. "He'll be fine," Steve whispered, kissing the top of her head.

She looked up at him, a soft smile on her face. "Are you telling me or yourself?"

"Both," he admitted with a chuckle and a sigh. "It's going to be a long night."

"Agreed," Bethany nodded. "I brought some files home to look over if I really can't distract myself."

Going back to work was something Bethany did hesitantly but there was so many reports and projects stacking themselves on her desk that she couldn't ignore them anymore. The world was getting more and more fucked up every single day and she couldn't just live in her own little bubble. It felt good to get back at it and make executive decisions. In a weird way, it was making Bethany feel more like herself than anything else. She had spent years being involved deeply in the crazy that it had become a part of her. She had no intention to go on missions, but being informed of what was out there was both scary but strangely comforting. Ignorance was definitely bliss, but Bethany had never had the chance to be ignorant in the past so she already knew what was out there. Knowing the details of the crazy made her feel a lot better.

"Anything interesting happening?" Steve asked, caressing her hair softly.

"New York is a cesspool of good and bad," Bethany admitted. "The least of our concern? The gang wars in Hell's Kitchen. And that's saying something. Our files on individuals who are getting involved as… I don't know, vigilantes I guess, is reaching a high. Before the Battle of New York, SHIELD took care of all of this. Anyone that was taking matters into their own hands, and possessed abilities or capabilities that go beyond the usual human aspect would be recruited or briefed or something. But things are different. SHIELD is gone and here we are. We're too small for the capacity that SHIELD had. To run multiple missions, big or small on a daily basis."

"And we're too focused on the big ones," Steve finished.

"Exactly," Bethany sighed. "Not that I would want it another way. It's important to have the big things covered. We can't get involved with every single little situation. But then it comes to the point where we have to wonder whether or not its okay to let these vigilantes run wild. At what point do we intervene? Or do we just sit back and let whatever happens, happen?"

"What do you think?" He asked curiously. "In your expert opinion?"

"They're doing more good than bad," Bethany admitted. "So obviously we keep an eye on them, but let them do what they have to do. But we can't just ignore them because of the possibility of them doing something they shouldn't. Determining the line though… that's difficult. With SHIELD, there was always a board to tell you where the line was. But now, it's just me and few others. And everyone has their own opinion. Some of them think we should have intervened months ago."

"I think you're right," he assured her. "In my experience, letting cops do their jobs can sometimes be futile. They have too many laws and regulations to follow. But an individual? They only have their own moral compass. If they're doing more good than bad, than we should let them do their thing. And the line is when you feel like it's gone to far. You have good instincts, Bethany. Sometimes you ignore that about yourself. But you know right from wrong. And you have years of experience with walking that line of right and wrong. You know how certain circumstances can effect the outcome."

"Thanks," she whispered with a small smile. It felt good to have his approval, especially with something like this. To _hear_ that she understood right from wrong when she clearly wronged him before, and to know that he respected and trusted her instinct on this matter made her feel strong.

"Just stand up for everything that's right. Everything you believe in," Steve told her. "That's what I do."

"I know that," Bethany laughed. "If there's one thing about you I know, it's that. And God knows that it gets you in trouble."

He laughed with her this time. "On occasion. But would you love me any more if I didn't?"

"No," she gave in with a happy sigh. "I guess that's why I started to love you in the first place, isn't it?"

"Let's make the best of tonight," Steve decided, sitting up in the bed. Curious, she sat up to, watching as he slipped out of the bed and went over to the record player. Bethany sat patiently as he looked through their record collection before selecting a vinyl. "Sing for me," he requested as he set the vinyl up and came back to the bed.

Bethany shook her head amused, recognizing Patsy Cline's Greatest Hits vinyl. " _I go out walkin' after midnight out in the moonlight just like we used to do. I'm always walkin' after midnight, searchin' for you."_

She let herself get into the song, putting a small show on for her husband. He watched her with a smile, Bethany's voice parallel to Patsy's. Just sitting in bed, watching and listening to Bethany sing, and having fun while doing it… that was something they hadn't done since before Jamie was born. Before SHIELD fell. It was a luxury they forgot about. And while Bethany sang to Jamie or when she was cooking, and almost always in the shower, she didn't usually sing just for Steve anymore.

Sitting in bed, listening to vinyl after vinyl, they both forgot about their fear from earlier and just enjoyed each other and the music. Just like when they first fell in love, back in the 1940s, they allowed the music to warm their heart and souls, to tighten the connection, the love, they felt for each other. Hours later and having gone through many vinyl's, they were wrapped in the sheets, in each other's embrace as Bethany sang softly.

 _"_ _Wait a minute, baby. Stay with me awhile. Said you'd give me light but you never told me about the fire. Drowning in the sea of love where everyone would love to drown…"_

* * *

Bethany watched as Jamie happily danced around the communal living space in the Avengers' Facility, watching his current favorite movie, _The Lion King_. The toddler didn't quite know the lyrics but he sure liked to pretend that he did. She smiled softly as she moved around the kitchen, finishing up her casseroles. The team headed out on a mission a few hours ago and Bethany thought that it would be nice if they came home to a real meal opposed to the pre-made cafeteria sandwiches. She wasn't sure on the details of the assignment, and frankly all she really wanted to know was whether or not it was successful and if everyone came back in perfect health. The itty bitty details of the good guys and bad guys? She wasn't interested in that today.

"Hakuna Matata," Bethany said under her breath, thinking about how she needed to take that to heart. _No worries_. _That's a nice concept_. But in her life, worrying was the thing she did the most, despite her best efforts. But focusing on one thing to worry on at a time was helpful. Jamie was happily dancing in front of her, so there was no reason to be worried about him. So she was just worried about the team. And she was forcing, and succeeding in a way, to focus on their individual health over the entire mission. And since their track record was pretty fan-flipping-tastic, it helped with her anxiety. And cooking was taking her mind off it even more.

"Howdy howdy," Kiley called as she walked into the apartment and made her way over to the kitchen. "Smells good in here."

"Figured they'd be hungry when they got back," Bethany explained before lifting an eye at Kiley. "You look uncharacteristically well put together today. And that's saying something. You usually dress up."

Kiley blushed, looking down at her cocktail dress. "Sam and I are supposed to go out tonight. I don't know if he'll be back in time, but I wanted to be ready if he was."

"So are things getting serious between you two? Or is it all just casual dates?" Bethany asked, sitting at one of the island chairs, Kiley following her actions.

"I think it may be getting serious," Kiley admitted sheepishly. "I mean, he's super nice and hilarious. And that's what I need right now. But he's not the type of guy who can't take anything seriously and makes jokes about everything. I feel good when I'm with him."

"Like permanent-commitment-talking-about-the-future kind-of-good?" Bethany teased her with a smile. It was nice to see someone happily in a relationship. Tony and Pepper had been MIA for a while now and everyone else, besides Jen, was single. And even Jen was struggling to decide what to do with her relationship. Double dates wasn't a thing she and Steve had done in this new world and while it seemed high school like, she got butterflies thinking about how fun it would be.

"Maybe," Kiley responded as her blush increased. "Doing what makes you happy in the now is important and he is the reason why I'm happy. And I know that Bucky and I weren't a couple but… I didn't feel like this with him, you know?"

Bethany nodded, but in actually didn't really know. She hadn't experienced that. But she also knew that Kiley loved Bucky in ways that she would never admit. They had some weird connection that only time and circumstance could create. _Kinda like me and Steve_ , Bethany thought to herself. There were just some things that didn't fit in an online dating bio.

Bethany's phone beeped, indicating that the team was on their back home. Within seconds, Steve's face lit up her phone. He always called her after a mission, good news or bad. And despite the news usually being good, it still made her nervous every single time. "And?" Bethany said when she answered the phone, hungry for information.

 _"_ _We got what we needed,"_ Steve told her. _"And we're all okay."_

"You don't sound too happy, but that's good news," Bethany replied, noting that Kiley had a comforted smile on her face before turning in her seat to watch the movie with Jamie.

 _"_ _Yeah, no. I just… there were some tips that Bucky would be here, that's all,"_ Steve explained. _"Light, barely visible tips, but I just…"_

"You were hoping," Bethany finished, casting a quick glance at Kiley. "I know what that's like. And how disappointing. Sorry babe."

 _"_ _It is what it is. How's everything on your side?"_

Bethany chuckled. "Jamie is watching _The Lion King_."

 _"_ _Again?"_

"Again."

 _"_ _Well, at least the music is good,"_ Steve decided. _"We should be back in about twenty minutes. And then maybe we could introduce him to another movie."_

"Or he'll just want to watch it again," Bethany rebutted, knowing that it was a very high possibility. "But at least when he sleeps tonight we can watch something else. Maybe we finally start _The People v. O.J. Simpson?_ Educate you a little on important American history."

 _"_ _American history?"_ Steve said doubtfully.

"Hey, it was a big deal. Still is. You probably miss a lot of references. That's it, I decided. We're starting it tonight."

Steve's laugh danced through her speaker, filling her heart with warm. "Whatever you want Dollface. See you soon."

As Bethany hung up and looked over at Jamie, she smiled and made a huge realization; she was actually happy.

* * *

After watching _The Lion King_ and putting Jamie to bed, Steve and Bethany curled up on the couch, ready to start the first episode. When Steve turned the TV on, it sprung to life, WHIH Newsfront lighting up the screen. He heard Bethany scoff as Christine Everhart's face appeared in their living room. His wife's contempt for the news reporter grew every single day as the woman seemed to have no other purpose in life but to bash the Avengers.

 _"_ _But the question remains, should the financial responsibility fall on the people causing the damage or the citizens to pick up the pieces?"_ Christine asked, not doubt referring to the Avengers. Despite donations and funds, they couldn't pay for every single thing they damaged on their various missions.

" _Yes, you all need to decide whether you want to pay more taxes or be alive,"_ Christine's co-host Will Adams summed up, making Bethany chuckle.

"I like him," she whispered, watching as Christine seemed baffled by his words, but continued to smile on.

With a sigh, the blonde continued. _"We hit the streets to hear from you."_

"Watch Christine look like an idiot cause no one agrees with her," Bethany continued, excited for the potential humiliation of the news reporter. But truthfully, Steve was curious to. He had been convincing himself of what Will Adams said; that paying for reconstruction was worth it because they were alive. It wasn't like the entire team wasn't also paying taxes for the destruction, and most of them didn't have a pay cheque.

" _I don't have a cool shield or a flying suit of armour, and I can't fight,"_ the first woman pointed out. _"But I can clean up."_

 _"_ _They put their lives on the line to save us, you know?"_ A young man answered _. "And not a lot of people would do that."_

"I like him too," Bethany whispered.

 _"_ _They do a lot of good but innocent people had to pick up the pieces,"_ another woman stated.

 _"_ _Tony Stark gots enough money to fix New York ten times over,"_ a second man replied to the reporters, followed by another woman who stated: " _Obviously, they should pay for it."_ That got a swift 'bitch' from Bethany's lips.

The last interviewed woman, with a thick accent, made Steve smile. " _I was in New York during the invasion. Seeing what the Avengers did? I'm proud my tax dollars are helping with reconstruction."_

"Dumb bitch," Bethany said when Christine appeared again.

"Yes, I know, you hate her," Steve chuckled.

 _"_ _And I'm Christine Everhard. Thank you for watching,"_ Christine said with a goodbye.

"Thank you for watching," Bethany mocked, grabbing the remote and quickly changing the channel. "She's infuriating. We save the world, she gets mad. If we let it go to hell, she would get mad. You know what we should do? Next time the world is in danger, don't save her. Let her save herself. Promise her that we'll pay for the destruction of her personal belongings and house or whatever, but only if she can get herself out of it. And save like… I don't know, a school bus full of children too."

"Yeah, we're not doing that," Steve spoke reasonably.

"You're not, but I am," Bethany mumbled. "They should view New York like a natural disaster. Like an earthquake or something. None of the damage we've ever caused has been intentional. And we pay for the things that matter. Like medical bills. We pay for a lot of people's medical bills. Keep on saving lives after the battle is done. Gah, it drives me nuts that she is so ignorant and uneducated. You know what I should do? I should book an interview with her."

"You definitely should not be doing that," Steve quickly disagreed. "I love you, but you can come off as…"

"Crazy-ass-bitch?" Bethany supplied. "The difference in this situation is that I'm right. What am I talking about? I'm always right in all conversations."

That statement alone made Steve smile. His Bethany was definitely back. "It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong here. You go up there and lose your cool in front of Everhart and millions of people? That wouldn't look good on you or any of us. And you're too close to the situation. Too involved. It would be different if you were just a normal citizen."

Bethany was quiet for a second before replying. "So what you're really saying is that I should hire a normal citizen and-"

"No," Steve laughed. "No, just forget about her. Forget about Christine Everhard and WHIH Newsfront."

"I don't know, I kinda like Will Adams," Bethany responded. "What if I booked an interview with him and we talked about how stupid Christine is?"

"Oh my god, Bethany. No," Steve said firmly, getting a little annoyed with her, but at the same time, enjoying it. The bantering, her need to prove that she was right, was classic Bethany. The same one that usually got her in trouble at the end of the day, but it proved that she didn't need to be shielded from the outside world anymore.

* * *

 **A/N: I could give you a lot of reasons why I didn't update. The biggest one was that I've been really lazy, and I apologize for that. However, I was also terrified for what to do after Civil War. Now that we're close to Infinity War, I can actually think about what our lovers do after Civil War. I've played with a lot of different ideas in my hiatus.**

 **I will NOT promise a quick update. It's the end of my LAST SEMESTER OF UNIVERSITY OH MY GOD. Crazy to think that I started this story during my first semester, during my first year. But yes, I'll probably be a little busy in the coming weeks. It doesn't look bad from a glance, but this is usually the time of year where I stress myself out unknowingly.**


	16. Blessed

****A/N: Yes. Yes I KNOW it's been a long time. I lost my motivation. And randomly got it back. I wrote this all in one sitting and have a hand cramp as a result. It's 3am. There will be spelling/grammar mistakes. But hi. Hello. There will be a new update in the next 7 days I PROMISE YOU.**

* * *

Chapter 16- Blessed

/blest,ˈblesid/ noun. those who live with God in heaven.

* * *

Steve and Bethany's bodies flopped back onto the bed, their heavy breathing filling the room. Soft, content chuckles came out of Bethany as she curled her exhausted, sweaty body into her husband's side. Steve kissed her hair softly, feeling his heart soar with happiness. It was times like this, fresh waves of pleasure washing over both of them, that life was good. Not just good, it was great. Bethany and her sweet touch, her soft kisses and her lively laughter made all the bad in his life worth it. It always did. If he awoke from a nightmare, her careful hand on his shoulder and voice full of worry and comfort always made him feel better. But tonight's throws-of-passions was not because of a nightmare. Today, they had rushed into their bedroom, madly kissing and pulling at each other's clothes like they were young lovers with no cares in the world.

"So I _think_ ," Bethany began, her voice hoarse but still light with laughter. "I _think_ you should lose at Monopoly more often."

Steve couldn't help but let out a loud laugh, almost too loud. Jamie was just a few doors down, sleeping soundly. But right now, he was too happy to be quiet. "No, what you're really saying is I should land in jail more often."

He had consistently landed in jail ten times in a row as Bethany collected stacks of properties, houses and money. He had no choice but to forfeit the game. "Oh, I can tell you that if you land in jail in reality, I will _not_ give you the same treatment. You'll be sleeping on the couch until I can forgive you."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied, leaning forward to kiss her hair again. "So what now? I have too much energy to sleep. Another game? TV?"

Bethany turned on her side, casting her hand across his chest. "How about you make me a nice big bowl of spaghetti?"

Steve laughed again. "Worked up an appetite?"

"You didn't?" She challenged. "That was some of our best work, Rogers. If _I'm_ hungry, you must be ready to storm a Golden Coral and eat them dry."

She was right. He _was_ hungry. It felt like they had dinner days ago, opposed to only a few hours prior. "And _I'm_ cooking the pasta?" He questioned, referring back to her original question.

"Well, considering that my legs are rubber, yes. Plus it's just pasta. You can't possibly fuck that up too much," she added, giving his chest a soft poke with her finger for emphasis.

"Alright then," he agreed, climbing out of the bed and reaching for his boxers. It took a minute, but he also found his shirt, which he threw over to Bethany. She gave him a questioning look, but pulled it on anyways. When her body was covered, he lifted her out of the bed, earning a squeal from her. "If I'm cooking because your legs are rubber, you're coming down to keep me company," he explained as they went down to the kitchen. He sat her at one of the chairs as he went around the kitchen, preparing for their meal.

When the water was on the stove, Steve sat next to her at the table, taking her hands in his. "Mother's Day is coming up," he began. "Anything in particular you want?"

"A positive pregnancy test," she joked. Steve knew there was some truth to her statement, but her joke weighed heavy on the room. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's fine," he reassured her. "I know it's not been ideal-"

"It's been six months," Bethany reminded him. "Since we started trying. _Over_ six months. I just… I'm worried that since it hasn't happened yet, it won't. Medical professionals suggest going to a fertility doctor after six-months of trying if you're over 35. I'm _well_ over 35. Scientifically, Jamie was a miracle child. I shouldn't be able to have kids, despite my physical age. Women only have a finite amount of eggs."

"Okay, then let's go to a doctor," Steve suggested. "There's no harm in going and finding out. You still get your periods, so clearly things are still working like you're in your twenties."

"Yeah, that's true," Bethany mumbled. "But what if-"

"Shhh," he interrupted her. "No what-ifs. Okay? We go to a doctor, find out what's going on and then we face the what-ifs. But you want another kid, right? There's other ways of having kids. We could always adopt."

Bethany let out a soft sigh, a small smile on her face. "I'm not against that, babe. If we were normal. Living normal lives. If our son wasn't just recently taken from us. With Jamie, we know that physically, no permanent harm can be done to him. Not that I want non-permanent harm to come to him either, but with a child with normal genetics? It's a whole new world of worries."

Steve knew she was right. He also knew that in a week, it would be May. They had made an agreement the year before that May would mark him stepping away from hero work so that they could build a normal life for their children. But now that May was rushing forward, the thought of hanging up the shield for _good_ wasn't something he could comprehend. "Beth, this life isn't what I had in mind when I was growing up, thinking about marriage and kids. And I know it's not what you had in mind either."

"I didn't really think about marriage or kids until I met you," Bethany admitted. "It's not perfect, but it's ours. I want to have another baby, not just to give Jamie a sibling, but because carrying your baby is the ultimate way I can show my love and feel yours."

"I know," he whispered, leaning in to give her a kiss. "I just want you to be happy. But I can't always give that happiness to you."

"You're talking about work, aren't you?" She asked lightly.

"It's almost May," he pointed out. "I know I said I would start to step back but… I don't know if I can. I love you and I want to give that to you, but-"

"It's asking a lot of you," Bethany finished. "I know that, Steve. I know what I'm asking you to do because you asked me to do the same thing once upon a time. When I was pregnant with Jamie and working at SHIELD. I didn't exactly like working behind a desk, but I couldn't go on assignments while pregnant. I made my sacrifice and I don't regret it. My fear is that you will and I'll be responsible for your regret. I don't want you to blame me for making you do this. I just want to give Jamie everything, and that includes having his dad, here, in one piece. And I'm not doubting your love for us. I _know_ how much you love us. I see it every time you look at us. I just wish that your love was enough to get you to step back."

"I feel guilty," Steve admitted. "I feel guilty that I can't resist the call. I'm not there yet."

Bethany was quiet for a couple of seconds before giving his hands a squeeze. "Like I said, I don't want to force you to quit. But I can't hide that every time you leave for a mission, I wonder if it's the last time I'll see you. I get taken back to being in that command room, listening to your voice over the speakers and hearing you say good-bye and not being able to do anything. My life without you was…"

She had to stop herself as tears welled in her eyes. Shaking her head, she forced a smile onto her face. "I love you. All of you. Even your stubborn personality and beliefs. And I believe in you. And trust in you. And I don't want to lose you. And you can't promise me that I won't lose you when you get on the quinjet and fly across the country. You can't promise me that you'll return, in perfect health. It's scary. The idea of being without you again. Of Jamie being without you ever. But I've said it in the past. Part of the reason I love you is because of what you do. Because you want to help people. And I'm just rambling," she added with a chuckle. "I want you to retire because _you_ want to retire. Not because we made a deal."

Hearing the water boil, Steve got up to add the pasta. The room was silent as he did this. He didn't know what to say. He was grateful that Bethany wasn't holding them to their deal but he felt extremely guilty. "I love you," he said breaking the silence, but unable to face her yet. "I appreciate you giving me your approval. We both know I'd continue to work even if you didn't, but I prefer to have your support. And I hate that when I leave, I leave you in pain. But I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was what was right."

He could hear her get up from her chair, moving across the kitchen and wrapping her arms around his torso. Bethany laid her cheek against his back. "I know, Steve."

Turning around in her arms, he wrapped his own around her body, pulling her close. "Let's focus on getting that positive pregnancy test, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured against his chest. Steve rested his chin on the top of her head, his guilt eating at his heart.

* * *

Desperate to listen to anything other than Disney, Bethany was trying to get Jamie interested in some 80s songs. She had spent an hour going through her music library, adding to a playlist anything she thought would hold his attention. And since Steve had asked Bethany to record, review and critique the team's fighting skills that day, it meant the entire team was subjected to listening to _Power of Love_ on repeat, since Jamie had an immediate love for it.

"Could be worse," Sam admitted as the song began again. Jamie was a few feet away jumping up and down with the music. Bethany was holding her phone out, recording Wanda as she worked on her combat skills with Natasha.

"Could be much worse," Steve agreed in his seat next to Bethany. " _That's the power of love,"_ he sang along under his breath. Bethany tried to bite back a smile as he continued to sing.

"I love you," she couldn't help but say. "I feel like Natasha isn't pulling back."

"An attacker wouldn't," Steve reminded her.

"Fair, but Wanda isn't allowed to use her abilities with hand-to-hand. She would be in an actual fight. She's just trying to increase her skill set."

"Okay, then you go against her," Steve suggested. "You haven't had a real fight in a while. And you've taught lots of SHIELD agents."

"And accidentally taught HYDRA agents," Sam added, earning a quick hit from Bethany.

"Why do you assume I'm out of practice?" Bethany challenged Steve.

"Because you are _literally_ out of practice," Steve replied. Bethany answered by handing Sam her phone and taking her sweater off. "Okay Rogers. Take on me."

Sam started laughing as Bethany made her way to a practice mat, catching the attention of Natasha and Wanda. "What's going on?" Natasha asked.

"Beth wants me to fight her," Steve explained, remaining in his spot. "She claims she's not out of practice."

"Let's all take a moment to remember that I have more experience in combat then you _all_ put together. And sure, I haven't done this in a while. But it's like riding a bike."

"He's stronger," Wanda reminded her.

"Much stronger," Sam agreed.

Bethany remained on the mat, confident in her abilities. She knew Steve was stronger than her. She knew more than _anyone_ just how strong her husband was. They had exercised his strength less than eight hours ago in the shower. She would have to call the contractor to replace the tiles her back broke as he rammed into her. But the difference was that Steve's strength with hand-to-hand with _Bethany_ was always weak. He couldn't give his all, even if he tried. She was his one true weakness in this world.

"Just a minute," Bethany suggested. "After sixty seconds, we end it. It'll just prove that I can last sixty seconds. And then you can take that idea that I'm out of practice and shove it up your behind."

The team chuckled, watching as Bethany stood there, her eyebrows raised in a challenge and Steve clearly not wanting to fight her, but knowing that this was a hole he dug himself. "Fine," he finally conceded. "Thirty seconds. And if I get you down for more than five, its over."

"Forty-five seconds," Bethany offered as he got up.

"Fair," Steve agreed, giving Sam a nod to set up a timer. "Make sure Jamie stays away," he instructed the team, feeling better when Natasha scooped the toddler into her arms for safe keeping. The couple stood on the mat, face-to-face, their shoulders squared, ready for the all-clear from Sam. When they got it, Steve lunged first. Bethany's face narrowly ducked away from his arm, using his own momentum against him.

Natasha, Wanda and Sam watched as Bethany proved her point; she wasn't out of practice. She could keep up with Steve and what she lacked with strength she made up by using Steve's momentum. Only once did he get her on the ground, but she used it against him. When the forty-five seconds were up, Steve immediately pulled away to a halt. Bethany still let her last punch out, but directed it at his arm in a friendly 'I-told-you-so' manner.

"Fine, you were right," Steve allowed, pulling her close for a kiss.

"I'm sorry, I missed that. Repeat it?" She teased him.

"You were right," Steve chuckled.

"Uh huh. Do you think you could write that on your forehead? Go to your meeting with it clear for all to see?" Bethany continued, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Okay, that's going too far," Steve replied.

"Nah, I think it's the perfect distance," Sam called out. "Comic book collectors meet their idol with the words 'My wife was right' on his forehead? Yup, sounds fantastic to me."

* * *

Bethany sat at the table in their communal living area, scrolling through the news. For weeks, multiple sources had reported saying that the clean-up for the Triskelion was almost completed. It seemed crazy that it was two years ago where her life was turned upside down. Where she learned that her husband's best friend was a brain-washed HYDRA agent who killed her brother and sister-in-law and his brain-washers were secretly infiltrated in the organization she had helped create.

She looked over at Jamie, who was taking a nap on the couch. It was crazy to think that Jamie hadn't even been born then. She was pregnant-very pregnant- and on the sidelines as she watched the building collapse into the Potomac. As she wondered if her husband were alive or dead. Watching as Bucky pulled Steve out of the debris, multiple gunshot wounds plaguing his body. Now, the news reported, the clean up was finished. She put her phone face down, looking at where Steve was talking to two representatives for a charity auction. Steve had agreed to sign a copy of Captain America #1 comic issue. They were expecting it to sell for at least a million dollars, which in itself was amazing. But Bethany really didn't care about that in the moment. She just took in the view of him. Everything about him was perfect to her. He was made for her.

When the two men left, Bethany told him about the Triskelion clean up. "Seems like a lifetime ago," he replied.

"It was for some," Bethany said, looking over at the sleeping toddler. "Big week for you. Comic book signing and the new Captain America exhibit touring the country starting Saturday. How do you feel? Superior?"

"Blessed," he responded. "Really blessed. They asked me if I was going to make an appearance for the exhibit."

"Still a no?" Bethany asked.

"It feels weird," Steve admitted. "Like looking on my life on display, all in the past. Like a storybook of my past. Makes me feel old."

"Your stories are important ones," Bethany reminded him. "Stories don't mean anything if no one is listening."

"I really just want to share them with you," he replied with a shrug. "I don't need everyone to know my story."

"Doesn't change that people want to know."

"People today want to know everything. There's an Instagram page dedicated solely to what Tony eats for breakfast," Steve pointed out.

"Okay," Bethany began with a laugh. "That's crazy, I will admit. But you're a part of history. And with all the bashing superheroes have been getting curtesy of Miss. Everhart, your stories are important. It shows who you are, what you stand for."

"I miss it," Steve admitted suddenly. The statement even seemed to shock him. "Remember just being at the base and spending all day wrapped in each other?"

"Yes. But I also remember there being a war going on around us. I remember the shitty coffee. I remember not being able to buy stockings. Wartime is not something I look back at fondly. And I didn't think you did either, honestly."

"I wouldn't," Steve began to explain. "But its where I fell in love with the most beautiful woman in the world. And got her to fall in love with me. It's easier to pretend that the good was all that happened then. That exhibit only really shows the rough spots. Shows the battles and the losses. It doesn't show the world that it wasn't all bad for me."

"What I'm hearing is that you'd like them to do an exhibit on us having sex."

Steve laughed at her words. "Okay, that's taking it a step too far."

"There's pictures of us. A video or two," Bethany reminded him. "It's not hard to see in them that we were in love. Oh god," Bethany stopped, laughing. "Okay, I get it. I'm remembering it."

"It's weird, right?" Steve asked. "I love you now, probably more than I did then, but-"

"It's a different kind of love. Fresh. New. Every time I saw you, I just wanted to jump your bones."

"How romantic," Steve teased her, pulling her to sit on his lap and taking out his phone. He pulled up the first photo he found of the two of them from 1944. It was a candid from a strategy meeting. Steve was sitting next to Bethany, their faces towards each other. She was listening intently on his words, a large pin curl in front of her eye. The way he looked back at her was as if he was looking at the ultimate treasure.

"What a sweet young couple," Bethany said in her best old lady voice, causing Steve to chuckle before returning to her normal voice. "I think this was before we made it official."

"It was," Steve confirmed. "About a week before. I remember staring at your lips and wondering what they would taste like. And then I felt ashamed for thinking about that. And then only a few days later I was keeping you warm with my body heat on that mission you _insisted_ on joining."

"Aren't you glad I did? That night set off a chain reaction. I know that I had never felt so safe before in my life, being in your arms that night. And we were in the middle of nowhere, with a war going on. And here I was, half naked, and felt like nothing could ever hurt me."

"It was torture for me," Steve admitted.

"Oh, I knew that," Bethany laughed. "But it would have been for anyone in that situation, so I didn't tease you. Which was very out of character for me back then."

"It's okay, Bucky teased me in your place. I can confidently say that was the first time I had an erection like that."

"Since we've been married for almost three years, I feel like I can now tell you that I knew. You were pressed pretty tightly to me," she winked, kissing his lips softly. She only pulled away when her phone began to ring. She reached across the island, reading the caller ID. "Hey, what's up kid?"  
 _"See the news today?"_ Tony asked as a greeting.

"How could I not?" Bethany replied, staying on Steve's lap, too comfortable to leave. "I'd like to say that at least the scrutiny is over, but we still have Sokovia over our head and that's not going anywhere anytime soon."  
 _"It's idiotic that they blame Cap for DC in the first place. The alternative was much worse."_

"I never said they were right," Bethany agreed.

 _"_ _Yeah. Anyways, I'm calling cause Pepper said she would if I didn't. You have any plans on the 3_ _rd_ _?"_

Bethany looked at Steve, knowing he could clearly hear the conversation. He thought about it quickly before shaking his head. "No, why? What's up?"

 _"_ _I'm doing a speech thing at MIT. I'm being honoured and announcing the September Foundation while I'm at it."_

"Are you bragging or inviting me to come watch?" Bethany baited slowly.

 _"_ _Both,_ " Tony admitted. _"Pep said it would be a good idea to have you there as 'support'. Plus, I'm introducing my newest project."_

"I'd love to come, Tony," Bethany replied. "Send me the details and I'll definitely be there. Oh, and kid? Congrats. You really deserve to be honoured. And I'm so proud of everything you've done."

 _"_ _Thanks Bethany,"_ Tony said softly before the phone went dead.

"Too much emotion for him?" Steve teased.

"Probably," she agreed. "But I think that's great. Wow, two of my boys being honoured in the next week. Just got to wait for Jamie to wake up from his nap. Maybe he'll cure cancer and we can honour him too."

* * *

On May 3rd, Bethany, Jamie and Steve walked to the Avengers Facility after breakfast. It was a beautiful day, so they slowly made their way across the long stretch of field. Steve and Bethany had agreed that it would be better if she went to the MIT speech alone, meaning Steve would be taking care of Jamie. There was some paperwork he had been putting off, but if Steve just sat Jamie up in his office with some toys, he'd probably be able to catch up on it all.

"Should I take the old quinjet?" Bethany asked. "Yeah, right? Just in case you guys are called out?"  
"Yeah, but I think they just updated it," Steve said, scooping Jamie up onto his shoulders to quiet the boy's begging. "Or at least made it so it's not the worst possible choice to take out. They cleared it for flight a few days ago."

"Okay, perfect," Bethany replied with a nod. "Not going far, but I would like it to stay in the air."

"That wasn't the problem." Steve reminded her. "It wouldn't land."

"Right," Bethany laughed. "Definitely not ideal to land by parachute either though. Makes the ultimate appearance at the MIT front lawn. Steal Tony's thunder."

The three made their way into the Facility, chatting about what their day had in store. "I'll definitely be home for dinner, but probably not lunch."

"We'll survive," Steve reassured her. "I want you to have a good day."

"Yeah, I-"

"Hey Cap!" Sam called out, coming down the hall. "Hey, sorry. We have something. Reports of an ex-HYDRA agent out in Lagos."

Bethany and Steve looked at each other quickly before following Sam to the command center. Steve took Jamie off his shoulders, much to the toddler's dismay, who then starting pulling at the bottom of Bethany's dress. "Any ID?" Bethany asked, looking quickly over the report.

"Not yet," Sam responded. "But there's speculation."

"They think it's Bucky," Steve stated after reading the report.

"There's a chance, yeah." Sam replied. "This report just came in. If we want to catch him, we should head out."

"Agreed. Called Romanoff and Wanda. We'll leave in ten minutes," Steve instructed. Sam nodded and went off to follow his orders. Steve turned to Bethany with an apology written all over his face. "I-"

"Save it," Bethany stopped him immediately. "Go. We already knew that you might get called out. Kiley is on standby. This is the first lead you've had in a _long_ time. Go and good luck."

"I love you," Steve said, bending over to give her a quick kiss before leaving. Bethany looked back at the reports in front of her. It _did_ sound like Bucky. But it was weird; Bucky had been _so_ careful to avoid getting caught. Whatever system he had going for him was working. A particularly hard pull at her skirt brought her attention back to Jamie. She knew that when she dropped the toddler off at her friend's, she couldn't tell her that the mission Steve was on was to find Bucky. Things were so good between Kiley and Sam right now, the last thing she would want would be tell Kiley that her current boyfriend was going to find her old— _old what?_ Bethany wondered. They were more than friends, but less than lovers. They hadn't dated, but Kiley had sunk into addiction and depression after being with Bucky—not directly because of him, but because of what Bucky, or more correctly, the Winter Soldier brought to the table.

 _Why is my life so confusing?_ Bethany asked herself before taking Jamie's hand and pulling him in the direction of Kiley's office.

* * *

 ****A/N: Okay so yes. This year has been crazy for me. I went through a HORRIBLE breakup that basically sent me into a depression (why am I actually Bethany Stark?) and it was really hard for me to find the want or will to write. Something about not being in love (and ready for love) makes me come back to Steve and Bethany.**

 **Anyways, send me a review if you missed me LOL. I'm planning on working on the next chapter when I wake up and I'll probably publish it right away since it's been so long.**


	17. Misstep

****A/N: Okay the past week FLEW by but YES I ACTUALLY UPDATED AS PROMISED. Since I cut it close, I will promise an update within the next two weeks haha. I'm hoping that it'll be sooner than that, but work calls me in randomly so the days I plan to write usually end up with me there instead.**

 **Here we go, the first chapter of Civil War! It's been a long time coming, and I know some of you are worried, but I've decided what I want to happen a LONG time ago. Some of you have guessed, some of you are wrong. Either way, I'm glad I've got you wondering!**

* * *

Chapter 17- Misstep

 **/misˈstep,ˈmisˌstep/ noun. a clumsy or badly judged step.**

* * *

Landing the quinjet in the designated area at the airport, Bethany straightened the skirt to her dress before making her way out. A yellow sports car was parked a few metres in front of her, Tony leaning against the hood while on his phone. Bethany raised an eyebrow at her nephew picking her up. Usually Pepper would arrange for a service, or even Happy to pick her up, not rely solely on Tony. "Where's Happy?" She called out when Tony looked up at her.

"With Pepper," he replied, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"And where's Pepper?" Bethany pressed further, opening the passenger seat's door.

"Not coming," Tony answered, slipping into the car and starting the engine. His tone was short, almost trying to shut down the conversation all together. But Bethany wouldn't let him.

"Pepper's not coming?" She repeated, staring at him.

"No," Tony spoke carefully as he drove.

"Tony," Bethany said, waiting for him to elaborate. "Talk."

"She's not coming," Tony began. "I don't know where she is, but I do know that she's not coming."

"Tony," Bethany said again. "What happened?"

"We had a fight," he explained. "She's upset that I'm not stepping back from hero work the way she wants me to. So we're taking a break until I can figure out what I really want."

Bethany frowned, dropping the subject. It was weird to know that Bethany and Steve and Tony and Pepper were struggling with the same issues. The difference was that Tony really _had_ stepped back, at least in comparison to Steve. Bethany always liked Pepper, but it seemed unfair that she wanted Tony to step back _even more_ , to the point where they had actually broken up because of it.

Was it different between her and Steve because of their history? Most likely. Jamie in the equation definitely added an extra layer of complications but even without the boy, Bethany would have a hard time just stepping away like Pepper seemed to have. But in the end, she couldn't really blame Pepper for wanting Tony to settle down.

Bethany's phone started to vibrate and she immediately picked it up, not even looking at the caller ID. The car was so quiet, high with tension that she was quick to find a way to cut it quickly. "Hello?"

 _"_ _Okay so two things,"_ Kiley began before back-tracking. _"Three things. One, Jamie is fine, this isn't about Jamie. Two, I'm gonna send you this video that just went viral on YouTube. You should definitely check it out. And three, Ross accepted Ellis' offer to be Secretary of State."_

"Well, fuck," Bethany replied, her hatred for Ross clear. For weeks, the media had been talking about the extended meetings the President and Ross were having. All that time, she knew that it couldn't be good. But to know that it was official, that Ross was the new Secretary of State, was beyond frustrating. Ross had always been a thorn in her side. She was ecstatic the day she found out he retired. He made the entire situation with the Hulk that more difficult than it should have been and had the balls to go around telling people that he was the good guy in that situation.

 _"_ _Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way,"_ Kiley sighed. _"My source at WHiH just told me he booked an interview for tonight with, one guess who."_

"Christine Fucking Everhart," Bethany spat. "So you know he'll be bashing the Avengers."

 _"_ _Not just that, but the talk about the Sokovia Accords has been serious lately. We're not sure what they'll contain, but with Ross involved, we know it won't benefit us."_

"No, and it won't benefit anyone but the government," Bethany responded. "They're upset that they keep having to pay for the clean up, but if the Avengers sat back, it would be worse."

 _"_ _People know that too, it's just a select group of individuals who refuse-no, Jamie don't do that. It's a select group that thinks that restrictions would be best."_

"Okay, well keep me posting if you hear anything more," Bethany sighed. "Is he being a nuisance?"

 _"_ _Jamie? No, he just tried to climb up on my desk. He's just been colouring. Seems pretty content."_

"If you're needed elsewhere, just let me know and I'll find someone else to watch him until I get back. Shouldn't be too long after lunch though."

 _"_ _I'm good for now. Have a good afternoon."_

Bethany returned the sentiment before catching Tony up on the latest news. "Ross is the worst. He's that character in a movie where they aren't quite the villain, but they do everything in their power to get in the way of hero saving the day."

"I'm not surprised you hate him. Most of the people you hate are old, white men," Tony pointed out.

"In my defense, all these old, white men end up being the bad guys, so clearly my judgement is pretty good. I don't know, kid. I have a bad feeling about this. About the whole Sokovia Accords idea."

"They don't have enough support to get that up anyways," Tony reminded her.

"It takes one fuck up. And in the moment, people will always believe that if different regulations were put into place, it wouldn't happen like that. Our entire society is built on 'what-ifs' and then they implement their 'what-ifs' and it's not always better. Sometimes it's worse," Bethany ended with, opening her phone and clicking the link that Kiley sent her. She watched as the video showed a car propelling at high speed, on it's way into the side of a city bus, only to be stopped what looked like a lanky man in a red and blue onsie.

* * *

They were halfway to Lagos when their information confirmed it wasn't Bucky in Lagos, it was Brock Rumlow. It didn't matter that it wasn't Bucky. Rumlow had been on their list of ex-HYDRA agents that were dangerous and this was the most accurate lead they had been given in almost a year. In fact, as more and more info spewed in, it looked like the info on Rumlow was not a mistake. It looked like the ex-agent _wanted_ to be found. Which meant trouble was coming their way.

After having quickly updated Bethany, knowing that she would want to know whether or not it was Bucky, the team broke up into their positions, on the lookout for Rumlow. "Alright, what do you see?" Steve asked Wanda from his position in an apartment above the café where Wanda and Natasha were stationed.

Wanda had been with the team for almost a year and she was getting good at scouting out targets, but she still had lots to learn. _"Standard beat cops. Small station. Quiet street. It's a good target."_

"There's an ATM in the south corner, which means…" Steve continued, leading her towards more information.

 _"_ _Cameras,"_ Wanda replied.

"Both cross streets are one way?" He pressed on.

 _"_ _So compromised escape routes,"_ Wanda answered.

Steve quickly glanced down at the newspapers in front of him, Rumlow's face decorating the front pages. "Means our guy doesn't care about being seen. He isn't afraid to make a mess on the way out. You see that ranger over halfway up the block?"

 _"_ _You mean the red one? It's cute."_

 _"_ _It's also bulletproof,"_ Natasha's voice chimed in. _"Which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us."_

 _"_ _You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?_ " Wanda challenged.

" _Looking over your shoulder needs to become a second nature,"_ Natasha reminded the young girl.

 _"_ _Anybody ever tell you you're a little paranoid?"_ Sam asked her from his position on the roof.

" _Not to my face. Why? Did you hear something?"_ Natasha joked.

"Eyes on the target, folks," Steve reminded them. This mission was extremely important and while he usually didn't mind the banter, he didn't want Rumlow getting away again. "It's the best lead we have on Rumlow in 6 months. I don't want to lose him."

Sam let out a scoff. "If he sees us coming, that won't be a problem. He kinda hates us."

Steve moved from one window to another, peering out through the curtains. His eyes caught a garbage truck, with bags about to fall out the sides, trying to force itself through cars. "Sam, see that garbage truck? Take it."

Steve waited patiently as Sam directed Redwing towards the garbage truck. _"Give me x-ray,"_ he instructed. _"Yeah, the truck's loaded for max weight, and the driver's armed."_

 _"_ _It's a battering ram,"_ Natasha concluded seconds before Steve instructed them to go.

 _"_ _Why?"_ Wanda asked, not putting two-and-two together.

"He's not aiming the police," Steve explained before he jumped away from the windows, and hurried up the stairs to the roof. Sam swung down and picked him up, Sam's wings flying them past the traffic and directly towards where a group a guards, dressed in black, where attacking a building. Sam released Steve and he fell down in front of one of the guards. Steve used his shield to block the bullets before kicking the car in front of him towards the guard, knocking him down. He then threw his shield towards another man, catching it as it came back and running up the hood of a car. Another guard stop on top of it, his gun aimed at Steve but he missed his opportunity as Steve used both legs to kick the man off the car and into the wall of the building.

"Body armour," Steve reported from his position on the car. "AR-15s. I make seven hostiles."

It was quiet for a moment before a body fell off the roof and onto a car. _"I make five,"_ Sam reported. Moments later Wanda landed and she and Sam crossed another off their list. Steve made his way over to the two as Redwing scanned the building. "Rumlow's on the third floor!"

"Wanda," Steve called out at the girl. "Just liked we practiced."

"What about the gas?" Wanda inquired, knowing that the guards had shot gas bombs into the building before they arrived.

"Get it out," Steve said simply, knowing that he could handle the gas for a few minutes before he felt any effects. Taking a step onto a car, he felt the pull of Wanda's magic surround his body, dragging his weight through the air, directly at a window. Somersaulting into the building, he immediately went to work taking down the hostiles, using their inability to deal with the gas against them. He took down three men in total before he could feel Wanda's magic pull the gas out of the building, the sound of glass shattering ringing loudly in his ears. He didn't let it slow him down as he continued to look for Rumlow. He followed the halls and the destruction to a safety room where it was clear that some that been pried from a medical refrigerator.

"Rumlow has a biological weapon," Steve reported before making his way towards a veranda so he could see outside.

 _"_ _I'm on it,"_ Natasha replied. Moments later, Steve found a balcony and as soon as he looked outside, he saw Rumlow, or Crossbones, as his face was covered in a crude helmet. The man was in an AMV, holding up its gun, directed at him. Steve barely had time to cover himself with the shield before the gun fired, making contact with the shield and sending him backwards and into a wall. He scurried to grab his shield and get up, not letting the pain he felt slow him down. As he ran across the building, Rumlow continued to fire at him, Steve narrowly missing the first one, but the second one sending him flying out of the building. He hit two surfaces before he hit the ground and getting up this time was a little more difficult.

"Sam," Steve called out through the comm, needing backup. "He's in an AMV heading north."

 _"_ _I got four, they're splitting up,"_ Sam reported.

 _"_ _I got the two on the left,"_ Natasha claimed, allowing Steve to take a moment to breath before collecting his shield and heading back to work.

* * *

Bethany stood in the wings of the stage, watching as Tony lectured a room full of young inventors, hoping for the accomplished billionaire, and possibly the most famous person in the United States, to inspire their work. Tony was never good at inspirational speeches. Most of the time, he would just insult a person into realizing their potentials… over time. So for him to be on a stage, in front of young students, it was a sight Bethany didn't think she would see.

Tony's new creation, horribly named 'BARF' _was_ something incredible. The very idea of getting to relive one's memories, but in front of them, for all to see, for everyone to use as coping skills or to help remember the difficult things, was beyond anything Bethany could have ever imagined. But when Tony asked if she would like to try it out, she quickly responded with a 'no'. There was nothing she wanted to face again. Whereas Tony was reliving the last time he saw his parents, Bethany didn't want to relive everything she regretted over the years. All her worst regrets had to do with Steve. And he had forgiven everything that she did. Which meant, in the end, BARF had no use to her. But still, she was incredibly impressed.

It was, however, odd seeing her brother through Tony's eyes. To hear the way Howard spoke to Tony, not in the soft, gentle, teasing way he did to her, but in a hard tone, reprimanding everything. Yes, Tony was a problematic teenager. He went on benders and got in trouble not just at school, but with the police, on _many_ occasions. He was a stereotypical spoiled teenager who acted out against his parents as a way of gardening their interest. When Tony was a child, he tried to impress his father with his mind. But as Howard's reactions never reached what Tony wanted, he began to act out. And acting out got Howard's attention. Therefore, Tony continued to do so.

 _"_ _Do me a favour. Try not to burn the house down before Monday,"_ Howard told Tony firmly.

 _"_ _Okay, so it's Monday. That is good to know,"_ the young vision of Tony replied. " _I will plan my toga party accordingly. Where're you going?"  
"Your father is flying us to the Bahamas for a little get away," _Maria replied, still playing the piano.

 _"_ _We might have to make a quick stop,"_ Howard quickly informed his wife.

 _"_ _At the Pentagon,"_ the vision of Tony added. _"Right? Don't worry. You're gonna love the holiday menu at the commissure."_ Tony's statement resulted in a halting of Maria's fingers across the keys.

 _"_ _You know, they say sarcasm is a metric for potential. If that's true, you'll be a great man someday,"_ Howard told his son before leaving to get the bags.

 _"_ _He does miss you when you're not here,"_ Maria told her son before getting up from the piano bench and making her way to Tony. _"And frankly, you're going to miss us. Because this is the last time we're all going to be together. You know what's about to happen. Say something. If you don't, you'll regret it."_

Through all the years since Howard and Maria's death, Tony never really let on how much he missed his parents. Bethany knew, of course. She missed them too. But she knew that Tony lost his parents too young, way before he was prepared. Sure, Bethany's own parents died when she was just a child, but she had her big brother. She was taken care of. She didn't miss her own parents the way a child should have. But Tony? Tony only then had Bethany. And while she tried to be the best aunt she could, as Tony grew older, it grew harder. She couldn't pull him out of school to take him to Baskin Robbins or the movies. And back then, Bethany was the shell of the person she was now. She didn't have the emotional capacity to be supportive for her nephew. She let work drive her way through life because it was how _she_ dealt with grief.

With the vision of Howard back in the room, the young Tony turned to him. _"I love you Dad,"_ he spoke. _"And I knew you did the best you could."_ This earned a kiss from his mom before his parents left him forever.

"That's how I wished it happened," the real Tony revealed from his position in the vision. "Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, or 'BARF'- God, I got to work on that acronym- an extremely costly method of hijacking the hippocampus to clear traumatic memories." Tony gave the candle in front of him a few blows before it revealed itself to be merely a hologram. "It doesn't change the fact that they never made it to the airport, or all the things I did to avoid processing my grief."

Tony then took off his glassed, the hologram on the stage flickering and slowly disappearing from top to bottom. "Plus, six hundred and eleven million dollars for my little therapeutic experiment? No one in the right mind would have ever funded it. Help me out-what's the MIT mission statement?"

The room of students and Tony began to repeat the statement in a mess of harmonies. "To generate, disseminate and preserve knowledge."

"And work with others," Tony added. "To bring it to bear on the world's great challenges. Yeah. Well, you, or the others, and quiet as its kept, the challenges facing you are the greatest mankind's ever known. Plus, most of you are broke." This earned a chuckle from the room before Tony quickly corrected himself. "Oh, sorry, rather you were. As of this moment, every student has been made an equal recipient of the Inaugural September Foundation Grant. As in, all of your projects have just been approved and funded."

The crowd once again reacted to Tony, this time gasping, clapping and vocalizing their shock, approval and happiness at his words. It filled Bethany with joy. She had lived through a lot. She had seen what money could get you. In a way, happiness. Money gave you the ability to reach whatever you wanted. Not necessarily right away, but over time. None of her struggles couldn't have been solved with a big fat wad of bills and time. Because it wasn't just buying material objects. It was using that money to explore, create and make the world around them better. And Tony was allowing all these students the opportunity to see that for themselves. To learn that, yes, money bought everything. But a pile of money alone couldn't. That money needed to be spent. Wasted. Replenished. All to get a result that would change the way mankind saw and faced the world.

"No strings, no taxes, just _reframe the future_. Starting now," Tony announced to the hall before settling into an awkward pause. Bethany tilted her head a bit, trying to look around the curtain of the stage to see where Tony was starring off into. She didn't get an opportunity to find out before Tony ended with "Go break some eggs."

Again, the crowd burst into applause, this time standing for the man that was making their dreams come true. Tony began to walk off the stage, towards Bethany, who was smiling proudly, but Bethany saw the look on her nephew's face and knew something wasn't right. "Kid?" Bethany asked him softly, but her word was lost by the professor beside her.

"That-ah-that truly took my breath away," the professor mumbled as Tony moved towards the stage manager, eager to get his mic off. "So generous! So much money! Wow!"

"Okay, move," Bethany insisted, taking a hold of the professor's jacket and pulling him out of the way. She began to walk in step with Tony, keeping her demeanor the same as his. This wasn't the place to ask questions, but she soon received her answers as a woman's footsteps caught behind them quickly before swinging in front of Tony.

"Mr. Stark, I am so sorry about the teleprompter," she began sympathetically. "I didn't know Miss. Potts had cancelled. They didn't have time to fix it."

"It's… fine," Tony stumbled, quickly trying to save face. "Bathroom's that way? I'll be right back."

Bethany made sure to follow Tony out of the theatre and into the hall. "Kid, I need you to take a moment and forget about that, okay?"

"No," Tony said firmly. "I can't. And you wouldn't. You didn't. So why should I?"

"Cause you're better than me," Bethany told him. "When I lost Steve, I let the world settle into chaos around me. Plus, it's different. I thought he was gone forever. You and Pepper can work things out. I know it seems like you can't now, but- hey," she pulled his arm as he began to pace. "Breaking up sucks. I know that. But you just did something that will change those student's forever. That could end up changing our lives forever. Don't let this little thing take that away from you. Okay? Now wait here. We'll continue this at lunch. I'm just going to quickly pop into the bathroom."

Tony was silent for a moment before giving her a curt nod, agreeing to what she was proposing, but not without some sign that he wasn't happy about it. "I'll just wait by the elevator," Tony told her before walking over to where a woman was already waiting. Bethany let out a soft sigh before pushing open the bathroom door next to her.

* * *

Steve was quick to join the area Rumlow just disappeared to, hoping over every object in his way and carefully maneuvering around the civilians. Spotting something on the ground, he leaned down to inspect it. "He ditched their gear," Steve reported to the team. "It's a shell game now. One of them has the payload."

A loud _clank_ rang out as something heavy was thrown against his shield, and _stuck_. Steve looked down, seeing a small explosive magnetized to it. As the beeping began to increase, Steve tossed it up into the air, watching as the explosive turned into orange flames in the sky. This distracted him from what came up behind him, Rumlow punching Steve's back and sending him flying into some wood.

"There you are, you son of a bitch," Rumlow called out, his voice raspy. "I've been waiting for this!"

Steve barely had time to get up before Rumlow threw another _heavy_ punch at Steve, this time at his face. Again, Steve was flown back, this time into a table. Steve winced, knowing that Rumlow had to have some kind of vice on his fist, making his punches ones that Steve couldn't take with ease. He could hear Natasha and Sam's voice over the comms, but he couldn't pay attention to anything but 'payload's secure'.

This time, Rumlow pulled up a heavy boot and aimed it at Steve's head. This time, he rolled out of the way and was able to block the kicks and punches Brock threw at him, even landing a good one which earned a "c'mon!" from Rumlow, this clearly only firing him up even more. This led to Brock landing _another_ punch that sent Steve backwards. When he got to his feet, he skillfully dodged everything Brock threw at him. And oddly enough, in that moment, trying to save his body from an injury and take down Rumlow at the same time, he remembered that he forgot to add diapers to the grocery list.

"This is for dropping a building on my face," Brock told Steve as a knife folded up. Rumlow threw it forward, Steve dodging the sharp edge and the wall behind him crumbling under the pressure. This allowed Steve to throw his elbow at Rumlow's helmet and take hold of the metal armor that had been protecting Rumlow's hand and destroying Steve's body. However, the man didn't stand down. Another knife came from the remaining fist and it was only when Steve was able to kick Rumlow did the captain earn an advantage.

While Steve walked towards where Rumlow's body had landed, the man took off the mask that had earned him the name 'Crossbones', revealing what was underneath. Steve got a good look when he grabbed the straps of Rumlow's suit. The entire left side of the man's face was burned, melted into features that were grotesque. Besides the scarring, his eyebrow was gone and his ear no longer resembled an ear. Steve, in that moment, felt a little bad. But then the events of _how_ Brock ended up like that came flying back to him. HYDRA. Project Insight. The whole plan to take out everyone who could take down HYDRA. To take out his friends, his family. Bucky. All of it. And then Steve didn't feel so guilty anymore.

"I think I look pretty good, all things considered," Rumlow told Steve, a bit breathless.

"Who's your buyer?" Steve demanded agressively, not giving into any small talk. He was ready to go home.

"You know, he knew you," Rumlow said with ease, as if they were just having coffee. "Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky."

Steve took a tighter grip on Rumlow's straps, pulling the man aggressively towards him. "What did you say?" Steve said between gritted teeth, raging filling his body.

"He remembered you," Brock said, again with this air of ease. "I was there. He got all weepy about it. Til they put his brain back in the blender."

Steve could taste acid in his mouth as his blood boiled. Steve _knew_ that Bucky knew him _recently_. He knew from Bethany and Kiley and Bucky himself. But Rumlow knew him back before the Triskelion fell. Bucky's memories of Steve had always been there. And HYDRA had put the solider through hell to try and erase them.

"He wanted you to know something," Rumlow continued, Steve's attention hanging on every one of his words. "He said to me, 'Please tell Rogers, when you gotta go, you gotta go.'" Suddenly, the man's face changed. "And you're coming with me!"

Steve barely had time to register what was going on, only seeing a grenade in Rumlow's hand. Steve's eyes widened, his heart sinking. In that moment, that one moment where Steve knew he was too close to the explosive, he could only see Bethany and Jamie. Everything Bethany had feared, about losing Steve and raising Jamie alone, it was coming true. He would leave his wife, his son, his life knowing that he failed them all. He failed Bucky. He failed the world.

But the heat never reached Steve's body. It was being contained. Steve threw his head to the side, Wanda there and struggling to keep the blast within her grasp. Steve watched Wanda in awe, the knowledge that the young girl had just _saved him_ overwhelming him. But then Wanda sent the blast upwards the ball of flaming energy crashed into the nearby building. Everyone around them ducked as the blast sent glass and debris downwards, Steve's already pounding heart, from the rage, from Bucky, from a near-death experience, to gratitude to Wanda now beating in sadness for what he just witnessed. The destruction of the building, the screams from the people inside, was something that Steve had never quite experienced. He had seen destruction before. Saw innocent people suffer and die and scream. But this made his heart sink. And maybe it was because of all the emotions he just felt in less than a minute. Wanda had saved his life. But at the cost of how many?


End file.
